FIL messing up naps because of snooker

[Mummyrere]

Hey there!!

so my FIL insists on playing snooker every Saturday and Sunday afternoon. If we don’t see him with our 2 year old he seems to make a little dig like “oh I won’t see you this weekend the ….” And it upsets my partner that he wants him to see him more. So on Saturday mornings my partner has been driving to see him, spends time with him for an hour then comes back. He also says he does this to give me a break - the thing is my 2 year old sleep is terrible, he’s up at about 4 every morning and has a nap about 10 for a couple of hours, if he doesn’t he’s awful. So my partner leaves about half 8/9 to see him (because FIL doesn’t get up early) and then my little boy alwayssss falls asleep in the car for about 10 mins which then messes up the routine for the day, and he’s also in a TERRIBLE mood and I never have a good Saturday, so in reality not giving me a break atall because atleast I would have 2 hours when he’s having a nap. I’ve said about FIL coming round here early to see him but he doesn’t get up early. Just really pisses me off that we’re the ones to mess up our day and any plans because FIL has to play snooker every weekend. AIBU??

Where is your husband for the rest of sat?

If he insists on taking your 2 year old, knowing the consequences of that then he can take on the consequences of those actions.

When he leaves, head out for the day by yourself and let him to it.

Why could your fil not come over after snooker? Stop by before snooker. If he wants to see his grandchild then he needs to make an effort.

No fuck that my 2yo if she doesn’t get her nap in at 1 she will go down at 7pm happily but be back up at 11! So no wayyyy would I want to rock the boat with her naps even once in a while!

Fuck every weekend! Your husband will have to take control of dc every single weekend he does this! Tell him you won’t be seeing to dc on Saturdays for aslong as this set up continues YANBU

@Howyiz my partner then treats Saturday afternoon as he has some “me” time because he took him out in the morning 🤷🏼‍♀️ When in actual fact it’s doing more worse than good. He’s currently there and has messaged me saying “he’s shattered” so I expect not the best afternoon for me!!! FIL goes to snooker about 1 so by the time my little one is up from his nap it’s too late! Just think it wouldn’t be the end of the world to not go to snooker every single time if he’s so desperate to see him!!

I get you op. You're putting yourself out to accommodate your Fil and by doing so you have an very unpleasant day. Not on op. Not on.
Explain to dh and dfil How This Will Be Going Forward On Your Terms. They can take it or leave it.
They are doing all the taking and no giving = selfish sods.
Good luck

Men are selfish. You set your boundaries and let them do the problem solving to work around it. Tell them how much me time you need and what time the naps are.

Put your foot down. No way would I agree to this. I would respond firmly if there is any whingeing - his choice to play snooker so that has consequences.

That sounds quite hard OP.

I know some aren’t keen on nap routines but I’m with you, my kids need their naps so that their days aren’t ruined by being tired and moody ( and mine)

can you not get away on those days for when they are back? Maybe once your husband has to deal with the tired meltdowns he might be more understanding of the situation?

see FIL on Sunday?

Can’t he go round after the snooker?

No way would I agree to every weekend being dictated by FIL, or even him seeing DC every weekend especially when they come second to snooker. So I’d be cutting that back to once a month. But a 2 year old having a daily 2 hour nap at 10am is probably contributing to the early waking, vicious circle of making up for lost sleep and all that, so I would maybe think twice about clinging on to it. Not for FIL though, for you!!

Go out before they get home OP. Do that a couple of times and your DH will soon have a rethink.

@TropicalTrama have been trying manyyyyy different things to do with this nap. It’s been traumatic 😂 I can’t keep him awake any longer as he’s falling asleep, I have also tried an early nap (like 8) but then he needs a later nap as can’t go all day. Also tried pushing his bedtime back but cannot get him out of this 4 o’clock waking. I’m hoping it’s a phase xx

yanbu re your fil

yabu letting your 2 year old nap at 10am… that probably why he’s waking so early. Slowly move it to lunch time and only give him an hour and your nights will improve a lot

@orangeleavesinautumn he plays snooker both Saturday and Sunday x

@TempName247 he plays it way into the evening!

@Teaandsympathy not so much being unreasonable making him nap at 10. Have been trying my hardest (look at my post previous) to try and extend that wake time - or move it, but just in a very tricky situation with him atm hoping it’s just a phase. Have been trying my hardest because believe me I don’t want to get up at 4 😂 it’s either let him have an earlier nap - then he needs another nap in the afternoon too and then a late bedtime and still up at the same time, or try to extend his wake time which atm is impossible! He falls asleep himself on the sofa - or I take him out he falls asleep in the pram or gets himself in a state crying because he’s so tired. Am trying many different things recently

Routines have to work for as many family members as possible, with child and parents coming too if the priorities. Right now, it’s only working for FIL.

This is a phase and it will pass, but right now your family needs the support of FIL with maintaining the 10am nap. Soon your little one will have more consolidated sleep and the 4am wakes will pass. In the meantime, you need life to be as easy as possible!

Not only is this unfair to you, but also your DS. It's not nice for him to be knackered and upset all day just to fit in with FIL.

You go out for the whole Saturday so your DH has to deal with the aftermath.
And baby sees FIL every other weekend.

Go out. Now. Go sit in a library with a book and a takeaway coffee for the afternoon.

Your partner may see the values of a nap routine when you return.

Take your me time Sunday afternoon

The solution to this seems pretty obvious. Your DH needs to learn this lesson the hard way. If he still wants to fuck with the naps when it's him who deals with the consequences, well, I think at that point you need to leave him to it.

Agree with above, go out before they get back and let him deal with it for a change.

I think you need to find a way of letting DH have him for the whole Saturday after a FIL visit, regularly if possible.

if your DH has his arm twisted by FIL then that’s his problem, but swanning off to leave you with a cranky toddler all day AND telling you he’s doing you a favour by doing so is not on.

"He also says he does this to give me a break"

A fucking break 🤣 he's having you right off OP.

He's blaming his dad and saying he feels guilty, his dad doesn't get up early etc when in actual fact he's doing what suits him and nothing more.

He's letting you sit with your son for the worst hours of 4-8.30 and then driving round to his dads where your son is entertained by his grandad and a change of scenery. No doubt while your husband sits and has a coffee his dad made him and reads the paper.

Then he texts you telling you he's shattered, setting up his cosy afternoon on the sofa while you take over from his dad looking after the kid. He won't get any better, lazy men never do.

He's got you stitched up like a fucking kipper mate. Tell him to piss off and go back to bed for a bit.