I hate going on holiday

[goodpancake]

We go away next weekend. DH, 3xDC (9,8,4), PIL. So 7 of us.
we’re going for 10 days which is already a bone of contention because when we were booking I said I didn’t want to go for 2 full weeks and DH and PIL think I’m a misery.
I’m dreading it.
I’ve tried explaining to DH a couple of times but I find it hard to put into words without me sounding like an absolute drag so I just keep quiet and suck it up.
I have all the same expectations on me that I have at home: breakfast, lunch, dinner, entertainment, baths, clean clothes, kids arguing, food shopping, constant incessant moaning, and a continuous supply of snacks, drinks, ice cream, books, toys, games….
but I have to accomplish the whole task with limited resources, limited access to shops and no home comforts.

I also hate hate hate wearing a swimming costume which is a whole other issue. But adds to how much I don’t like going on holiday.

I get on very well with PIL, they help with the kids, and generally they are nice people. But they also expect me to take on the entire mental load, where we’re going every day, transport, what we’re having for tea, what time we’re having lunch, make reservations, sort out problems etc if they asked their opinion they just say “oh I don’t mind, whatever you want, we’re easy, we’ll just go along with whatever” 🤯 they also buy my kids endless bits of junk plastic toys which break immediately despite me asking repeatedly not to.

DH has done precisely NOTHING to pack/make lists/buy clothes /prepare for the holiday. I bought new suitcases last week and he was incredulous as to why we might need them, I was like “have you seen how much shit is piled in the spare room” and he was like “oh I thought that was just clean washing, we surely don’t need all that do we”
So I told him it was time to step up, he can’t just leave everything to me, he nodded and took it on board and was very very proud of himself that he used his entire day off today to go get €200! Like WTF it’ll be gone by day 2.

I could rant on but I won’t!
AIBU for hating holidays and just can’t wait for it to be over so I can get some rest before going back to work?!?

That's not my experience of a holiday and I'm a single parent. Hotel, eat out, go with the flow. It's as stressful as you make it.

You are making a martyr of yourself.

Pack for yourself and the kids. I never understand the drama out of lacking I see on here. Shorts, T shirts, swimwear, underwear, a couple of outfits and a few toiletries. Takes 10 mins tops.

Your DH can pack for himself surely?

It would never occur to me to pack for another adult or even older DCs.

Then when you're in the resort, just take a back seat from the discussions regarding meals etc. Let others sort it out.

I would get milk, squash, water, teabags, bread and cereal for the kids and that would be it.

Ah op, it’s lovely about fil, I totally agree, we subsidised mil too, I’m not sure how many holidays she has in her (not old but she has a wheelchair at times) and I’ve some pictures that I’d kill to have of my dad with the kids

So don’t go.

I’d just say the holiday isn’t what you wanted so you’re having your holiday at home in peace without them where you can do what you want when you want.

There’s enough adults going to look after the kids so pack them off and have a lovely time doing your own thing.

Why don't you stay at a hotel and go all inclusive, no cooking, no food shopping or cleaning?

I wouldn’t even delegate - that way you are still in charge.
more like me asking… what is for lunch? Where are we going for dinner? What are the plans for today?
then take the lead on some days, but not all.
Say… when you go shopping can you please get me…
if the kids ask… go ask Daddy, he’s in charge today

Is it possible DH and PILs are simply a lot more relaxed than you, and so have stepped back by default because they know that if they do things, you won’t be happy with the way they do them? There is nothing that makes people less inclined to help than knowing that whatever they do won’t be good enough.

Clearly the workload should be shared, but I think you also need to relax a bit more about ‘standards’ and accept that some bits of plastic tat and a few junk food meals will happen if DH and PILs take over, and you might have fewer scheduled outings and healthy snacks if you leave the organising to them.

I don’t lack sympathy for you and I definitely think a fairer division of labour is required here. But I also think maybe you could go with the flow a bit more.

Obviously too late for this year, but would a different type of holiday altogether be an option next year? Maybe without PILs, or somewhere the kids can just run around and play without needing to ‘do’ something every day? Or (and I know Mumsnet will clutch its pearls here) something all-inclusive? I’ll be honest: I’ve never been on all-inclusive, and I don’t have kids, so I could be wrong but I’d have thought some of the stress of planning and cooking meals etc at least would be eliminated?!

Tell DH to go on holiday with the children and grandparents. Why are you being forced to come? I'm sure 3 adults can manage 3 primary school aged children

Next time you go on holiday, take DH and let kids stay with grandparents.

But I’ll never be able to let DH do the kids packing, they’d end up with one toothbrush between them, 6 hoodies, no sun cream and 20million pairs of underwear. He would forget absolutely everything that they need!! And then just shrug and say never mind, we’ll buy it when we get there!

and therein lies the problem.......

Like anything with dc, you do have to teach them to stop and think about what they need to pack, but you do that by involving them, by asking them what they think they will need - and, if it is a list that is a bit 'wanting' the first time, then ask them "and what about.....". Then the next time, you get them to pack and then check it. Then the next time, they will be fine. They will never be able to do it if you start with the assumption they can't. How will they learn ?

Is it possible DH and PILs are simply a lot more relaxed than you, and so have stepped back by default because they know that if they do things, you won’t be happy with the way they do them? There is nothing that makes people less inclined to help than knowing that whatever they do won’t be good enough.

Clearly the workload should be shared, but I think you also need to relax a bit more about ‘standards’ and accept that some bits of plastic tat and a few junk food meals will happen if DH and PILs take over, and you might have fewer scheduled outings and healthy snacks if you leave the organising to them.

All of this

This is why I never, ever do self-catering holidays.

We self cater too but Dh does all the meal planning and him and teens do the cooking. It’s a fun novelty for them in bloody sick of it!

When they say "you decide" order a takeaway of something they aren't keen on. May inspire them to step up.

I feel your pain it's all mental load.

I also think people suggesting all inclusive isn't helpful if it's not financially feasible.

But maybe half board or even somewhere with breakfast would help just a bit?

But I’ll never be able to let DH do the kids packing, they’d end up with one toothbrush between them, 6 hoodies, no sun cream and 20million pairs of underwear. He would forget absolutely everything that they need!! And then just shrug and say never mind, we’ll buy it when we get there!

So does he have some kind of SEN that you haven’t told us about that would explain this? Because if he doesn’t, I would be seriously very concerned about a grown man who is unable to pack for his children’s needs. It sounds as if the best thing you could possibly do for him is to stop infantilising him, stop letting him weaponise his incompetence, and require him to act and parent like an adult.