I hate going on holiday

[goodpancake]

We go away next weekend. DH, 3xDC (9,8,4), PIL. So 7 of us.
we’re going for 10 days which is already a bone of contention because when we were booking I said I didn’t want to go for 2 full weeks and DH and PIL think I’m a misery.
I’m dreading it.
I’ve tried explaining to DH a couple of times but I find it hard to put into words without me sounding like an absolute drag so I just keep quiet and suck it up.
I have all the same expectations on me that I have at home: breakfast, lunch, dinner, entertainment, baths, clean clothes, kids arguing, food shopping, constant incessant moaning, and a continuous supply of snacks, drinks, ice cream, books, toys, games….
but I have to accomplish the whole task with limited resources, limited access to shops and no home comforts.

I also hate hate hate wearing a swimming costume which is a whole other issue. But adds to how much I don’t like going on holiday.

I get on very well with PIL, they help with the kids, and generally they are nice people. But they also expect me to take on the entire mental load, where we’re going every day, transport, what we’re having for tea, what time we’re having lunch, make reservations, sort out problems etc if they asked their opinion they just say “oh I don’t mind, whatever you want, we’re easy, we’ll just go along with whatever” 🤯 they also buy my kids endless bits of junk plastic toys which break immediately despite me asking repeatedly not to.

DH has done precisely NOTHING to pack/make lists/buy clothes /prepare for the holiday. I bought new suitcases last week and he was incredulous as to why we might need them, I was like “have you seen how much shit is piled in the spare room” and he was like “oh I thought that was just clean washing, we surely don’t need all that do we”
So I told him it was time to step up, he can’t just leave everything to me, he nodded and took it on board and was very very proud of himself that he used his entire day off today to go get €200! Like WTF it’ll be gone by day 2.

I could rant on but I won’t!
AIBU for hating holidays and just can’t wait for it to be over so I can get some rest before going back to work?!?

This. You're going to have to stand up for yourself.

I feel you so deeply OP.

I tried telling DH to do more but he just fucked it up and made more work for me.

Last holiday I just asked him to get the children's toiletries together- that's it.

We arrived with no toothpaste, no toothbrushes, none of the eczema cream they need every day.... so I waste a day sorting that out and the children decided they hated the toothpaste I was able to find and we had some epic arguments over teeth brushing.

Don't ask your DH to pack, but choose something harder to fuck up. Like tell him he and PIL are taking children out on days X Y and Z so you can relax. Give him nights to cook (including planning and shopping).

It's your holiday as well.

Yes. I totally get this!

Our last proper holiday was 6 years ago, I was so stressed the whole time it was awful. We went self catering as everyone thought it would be "easier and more laid back". Yeah I'm sure it was for them but I just got landed with all the same organisation and stress as at home but with less resources to manage it.

We are trying again this year and I have insisted on all inclusive in a child friendly resort. Partner is moaning as he likes going out for dinner, but he can get stuffed. If I'm doing all the organising anyway I'm going to make sure it suits me and not him!

So let him buy stuff when you get there. Honestly you sound like a martyr. Take a step back and let him do stuff. Even if it’s not to your standard, nobody will die.

YABU but only because you are putting up with this shit from your useless DH.

Well are you financially able to buy stuff if he forgets to pack something?
If so let it happen and let him sort the consequences/ spend holiday time buying kids clothes (important that he takes the kids with him too whilst you are relaxing). You need to spell this out to him today (and consequences too- him dragging all 3 kids round a supermarket on holiday) then stop...
really.... Just stop doing all this stuff. Let the kids get cranky/watch too much screens, warn DH that it will happen if he doesn't step up but don't fix it. Remove yourself and have a holiday for once. Your kid don't need a holiday experience more than you need a break. .

OP - you realise most other people don’t dread holidays? They look forward to them?

And the reason why, is because they don’t lie down on the floor and let their family wipe their feet all over themselves.

Stop doing everything. Make it very clear right now that this will be everyone’s holiday, and you will not be doing everyone’s thinking for them, let alone doing for them. And stick to it. It’s actually pretty simple.

And please tell me you don’t pack your husband’s suitcase for him??

Yeah. Could you not do the posts, all inclusive idea?

It's not a holiday for you though is it. I would do outings (where you like to go)! And packing .meals no no .arrange to eat out and rope dh and his folks into a meal at least 4 or 5 times.this may be difficult but you need to put your foot down .you sound way too passive. You need a break too

You're not dreading a holiday. You're not going on one. You're dreading the hard work of laying on a holiday for everyone else.
Its too late this year for major change other than following the excellent advice to delegate, but in future I think you should be very clear with your DH that you want a holiday yourself. One where there is to be no cooking, cleaning or arranging done by you, and that provided that's the case you're 'easy' and will go along with whatever he chooses to arrange.

THIS!!

AI holidays are in my experience the only properly relaxing holidays with kids.

You go all inclusive or you don’t go.

Good suggestions already on here but to add- give the kids a list and get them to pack for themselves, especially the older 2. My 6YO manages it no problem so long as we’re specific e.g. 8 knickers, 4 pairs of socks, swimsuit, 3 dresses, 4 shorts, 4 t shirts, 1 jumper, toothbrush. Some of it may be a bit stylistically mismatched but honestly who cares, it saves me so much work.

Operation ‘over to them’
Give the kids a list and let them organise their packing. Mine were doing it from a young age and it gives them some responsibility. Tell DH to sort himself.

When you're there delegate quickly! Sat you've made a list of essential and send DH and PIL to get them. I'd say ‘ easy breakfast stuff so everyone can get their own and sandwich bits for lunch, and then well ear out every night... Yeah?’ if anyone looks incredulous and wants cooked breakfasts/BBQ hand over to them to sort and cook!

Definitely have a book and magazine so you can say that you're having some me time. I also used to wake quite early and say if get the pastries for the morning after a dip. Have a walk on the seafront, coffee by yourself and return an hour later with the goodies.

You deserve a break, make it happen and enjoy.

I think the idea of giving DH and FIL a food list for when we arrive is good idea, send them off and let them sort it. Eating out every night is also good idea because PIL can’t really afford to so will then step up and presumably offer to cook! FIL loves to BBQ so I will suggest a BBQ maybe every 3rd night or something.
I am definitely going to be more firm about just sitting with my book for a few mornings/afternoons.

All inclusive holidays would be ideal and hopefully one day we can get back to them but PIL definitely wouldn’t be able to afford to come with us. We already heavily subsidise their holidays by just asking for the difference between a 5 person villa and a 7 person villa so they often manage to come on holiday for a few hundred £
i know that seems a bit mad but they won’t be around forever and they love us so much we couldn’t just leave them and go on an AI family holiday. And we’re not that well off to just pay for 2 more adults.
one day I’ll enjoy endless mojitos and kids club activities but I guess it’s more important that the kids get to remember holidays with their GPs

that doesn’t mean I won’t be being much more firm about having some time off for myself this holiday!

I get it totally.

I told DH that holidaying as a mum of 4 is just constantly tidying up after everybody as usual, but in a slightly warmer climate.

He did chip in a bit more after that!

I guess it’s more important that the kids get to remember holidays with their GPs
Hmmme, is it? I mean how did you create that rule? Is it your own belief or influenced by a should/guilt.... Sounds like they've got plenty of memories already facilitated by your hard work how about a one year villa one year AI rotation? You are allowed to do things differently and make different choices...

Yes I agree. He wants the trip he can plan it. You could even fly out a day earlier and meet them there.

Agree

😂

I agree

@goodpancake you’re not just a good pancake. You’re a good egg. I really love how inclusive and kind you are towards your PIL. Hope you have a more relaxing holiday this time!

For the swim suit I also hate wearing one so I got a swim skirt and top that goes down to the swimsuit. I also have a fabric wrap.
Put an elastic bandage on your dominant hand. You have sprained it and can do nothing. You have called the GP but there are no appointments until after your holiday so you went to the chemist and they said wear a bandage and to rest it. You can’t cook, shop or clear up so your dh will have to do this now. Tell your PIL that they will be charged with helping your dh with shopping and cooking as you have hurt your hand and have to rest it. You’ll still be busy with the kids but hopefully you’ll get a rest from the drudge work.

Get a bikini and wear a vest and some board shorts over it.

Don't pack so much. Your husband will probably be right on that, the kids are ok in the same shorts a couple of days running and swimsuits in the day time. Don't pack anything except for swimming shorts for your husband. (He needs to be in swimming with the kids). Tell him he can be responsible for that.

Not sure how hard it is to get toiletries. Surely it's just one trip to Bodycare and you're sorted including suncream. Make him come with you and carry the bags and basket. You lob shit in, he pays and carries.

Food. Send PIL to supermarket with a list on arrival. Just get loads of bread rolls and pastries and fruit. Some ham and cheese and breakfast is sorted. Eat out 4 nights at least, leave the kids with PIL for another 2 and go out with husband. Each choose a restaurant. That only leaves 4 nights to cook. 2 of them will obviously be pizza night, the other 2 bbq night.

Baths?! Apart from the 4 year old (and that's a stretch) nobody needs bathing. Your DH can supervise quick showers every evening. This is not your job.

Lunches - PIL are on lunch patrol except for 2 days when you'll do toasties. Obviously DH is entertaining the children