Thinking of moving back to the UK for secondary schools. Not sure if its a good idea

[expatinmys]

We have lived quite comfortably in Middle East country for the past 8 years. The past 2 years have seen DH’s job deteriorating and career growth prospects decline. He had to take a wage cut during Covid but its still more than what he would make in the UK. The package also includes medical insurance, school fees partially paid for (90%) and some other benefits. Plus the weather is hot (unbearably for 2/3 months but the rest of the year is quite pleasant). Both our DS and DD are doing well in the school here and are active on sports, music lessons and taking up some language lessons as well. DS is 9 and as a family, we feel we have reached a crossroads where we have to make some critical decisions, mainly in regards to DS education route. Herein lies the complication.

DS will soon go to secondary school in September 2025. We were thinking of returning to the UK , and getting DS to take the 11 plus exam. We are in Kent and in within the catchment area for a good Grammar school and also a super selective in Orpington but they have 2 stage exams so it might be a long shot. Both DH and I are not grammar school products. DH has decided that if DS does not get into a super selective grammar school, we will consider a private school for him. Both DH and I strongly believe that a solid education is the best thing we could give both DS and DD. DD will then follow suit with the 11 plus.

Hence , the consideration of the move to the UK has come about. We are keen to make the move to the UK. However the recent news over the past year in the UK has been really negative. Plus DH will have to take a further pay cut in the UK and I will not be able to work for the first year or so to ensure the family settles in. We don’t have any immediate family in the UK.

We have started tutoring DS for 11 plus and he seems to be doing okay although needs some work in certain areas. Schools where we are at the moment are not bad, they follow the UK curriculum and have secondary years as well. Class sizes are around 24.

If continuing secondary here in the ME , my worry is that DC will not get the exposure of a grammar school in the UK which I think will set them up for the future. I worry that if the DC complete their education here until end of secondary they will lack “something”, I am not sure how to put it to be honest. I have seen other children, who complete their full primary and secondary years in the ME who cannot fit in anywhere else apart from ME and struggle in the young adult years in terms of jobs and socially. I also learnt this talking to other parents.

Has anyone gone through this? Has anyone moved back to the UK for the grammar schools and what would be your experience? Is it worth it, with the current situation in the UK (inflation, public services especially the state of the NHS, cuts to school spending, the whole gender issue) to move just to get DC into good grammar schools? We know moving to UK will be challenging and in most parts , we would regret it (commute, weather, price of things, ease of travelling for holidays etc).

However , what we have here in the ME is not permanent , it could end any time and our main concern in the education for the DC. Any thoughts welcome.

It feels the right thing to do for the children but the move feels a bit daunting. We have checked for primary school places and there are places in the schools around the area where we have our home, we even had an online interview with one of the primary headteachers which went very well. The next thing is to get the tenants to move out from our current home but once we do that , I feel like there is no turning back.

Thanks everyone for the insightful responses. It's good to have all opinions and really appreciate that.

@justaweenamechange - We did give some thought to moving at Year 9 and saving up for private schools. However, I am slightly worried at leaving the move too late. It seems that there is a tipping point for the expat chidlren here that at around 11 years old , they start to feel comfortable with life in the ME and a move away becames a lot more difficult. Maybe I am over thinking things or over analysing but this seems to be true among many expat children. If you are already back and forth , this may not be the case of course.

@TotallyScouting - Congrats on getting all of your boys into a grammar. Sounds excellent. Since we are also in Kent, would it be possible to share some thoughts on the grammar schools the boys are in? Are the schools active in sports or music or any other activities via the school? Are all the students of a similar mindset generally?

@Puravida23 - Interesting to read your message. We did try to move to Southeast Asia but the move never materialised. If I may ask, hope you dont mind, would you say that both of your DS and DD would have come out as well rounded individuals who are comfortable with change if you had stayed solely in the ME? Sometimes I think its the ME expat children who are somehow handicapped socially and the other expat children from other parts of the world are more well rounded individuals but this could be me over analsying.

@RubyWedding - Thanks for this input. Maybe I am looking at grammar schools with rose tinted glasses. I am thinking that grammar schools are not immune from the economic issues in the UK currently.

@Fancypantsuit - Thanks for sharing this. We are aiming for DS to get into a SS in Tonbridge area, which has got me worried. We have not visited any of the schools at the moment. I guess we will have to make the move first, get DS to sit for 11 plus and see what comes next. The first step is to make the move , which is daunting enough.

Having read all the responses and thinking of the whole situation for DS and DD, in my heart of hearts I know that we definitely have to make the move. We dont dislike being here , its been great for both DS and DD. They have had an amazing childhood and I would not trade those years for anything else. However at some point when they get past 10 years or 11 years old , the move is inevitable in my opinion. There are more downsides to upsides after that age. Not sure if anyone else feels the same.

Totally understand your concerns. I guess we also have a different experience as we are not really ex-pats, husband and therefore DC are natives and all extended family are there (not Dubai, but another gulf state).

I would worry about the finances though, it's just absolutely dire here at the mo so just hold off as long as you can 🙈

Maybe DH can stay out there longer than the rest of the family? Appreciate that's quite a miserable prospect though!

Do feel free to PM me about Judd!

They have had an amazing childhood and I would not trade those years for anything else. However at some point when they get past 10 years or 11 years old , the move is inevitable in my opinion. There are more downsides to upsides after that age. Not sure if anyone else feels the same

Anecdotally, there are quite a lot of families in my kids school who are thinking of making the move (to various home countries) for secondary, even if their jobs here are relatively stable. Many don’t of course, but you’re not alone.

@expatinmys I am really happy with how it all panned out and they got into a fantastic “outstanding” boys school. The school has lots of enrichment actvities and I can’t fault it. Certainly better and more rounded than the Senior phase of the prep they were in, with a stronger academic focus. However, I would say that I deliberately avoided the more competitive areas where I was concerned that their international schooling could leave them disadvantaged against any hothoused locals living 0.01 miles away! We looked all over the South East and weighed up where we needed to be to get into work (London) and where had the best schooling/lifestyle opportunities for the children. Existing ties and family weren’t paramount as we had lived away from them for so long and wherever we moved was going to be closer than a flight!

What's the education like where you are? Is there an international school?

Yes most schools in ME are international. A majority are British Curriculum and also quite a number of American schools. I find that for primary, schools in general are quite good but not sure about secondary level. It's also a very different environment here than in the UK. Maybe that has its pros and cons.

We are also in the exact position.. I had to double check it wasn't a post I wrote.

Our DC ME British school is lovely, though coming up to year 5 and 7; we made the move to take our oldest to the UK first and is thriving.

The ME is super for the little ones, with home help and support...

There is a lot of change in the ME too. In our gulf country, British expats kids are the minority numbers, and wanting the children to have roots at home where we have our extended family makes sense to us.

Life in the ME is comfortable, agreed for the younger ones; sadly we don't live in a gulf country where there are sister schools of: Cranleigh, RGS, Repton, etc etc...

We also found out at the very last moment the ISEB exam for year 7 or 9 entry had to be taken at year 6 for schools using the ISEB as part of their admissions.

If you can financially afford to move back despite the crisis and unease in the uk, then is a move to consider.

Good luck! I shall be following you post eagerly

@repatexpat What a coincidence! just read your post on the 'expat' section a while ago and was about to post a response but got sidetracked. Where we are there are a number of UK sister schools - RGS being one of them. The primary years are excellent but not sure about the secondary. Have had a lot of mixed reviews for secondary....
All the best to your DC with the ISEB exams.
Will update on the move. DH has to hold his nerve and not change his mind. The ME has a way of keeping one captive! Plan is to move in December this year, get primary school places and register DS for 11 plus.

I agree! My husband and I both work, it does keep you here... but for our children - we have to bite the bullet and keep moving onwards.

Grass isn't always greener on the other side, it's who the gardener is!!

December is also our target (maybe will pass each other unknown at the airport in England!)

My oldest has a place at various schools for year 9; he moved this summer for the last term in boarding- the change has been incredible and he has settled in - we think it is the right time, so making the move for our younger..

Hang in there!!

@expatinmys Good luck with the 11+

Hi there, I'm another who could have written your post myself....I just wanted to say we have a child who will be going into Year 7 in 2026 and are going back and forth over whether we should leave the Middle East in July 2024 or July 2025 to allow us time to settle back into UK life and potentially take the 11+ exam. It's such a hard decision isn't it!

Update: my youngest (y5) is now at the same prep school as my eldest (y7) in the UK.

For us it ended up being the best timing as youngest shall be taking his ISEB in Nov 2024. So he will be settled in school and in England.

They both love school (full board and they are very happy) and lucky they can be together.

Eldest started at end of Y6 (third term); but this put him in good steed for year 7. We considered the third term as settling in term.

It was a tough decision - but with hindsight - it was absolutely right.

I resigned a middle of kent grammar ten years ago, (moved away and had a change of career as I hated schools), the behaviour was beginning to be difficult, it’s awful now. I read a lot about behaviour in schools being awful, I’d be sure that the behaviour in any school you are considering is acceptable.

The Orpington '-super-selectives' would be my choice.

@Travelandnature if going into yr 7 in the 2026 and aiming to attempt the 11+, most regions with 11+, open registrations for the exam between may and June in 2025. We were informed by Kent council that we need to be registered in a school in the UK and resident in the UK to even register for the 11+ exam.

At the moment we are still unsure.
We are also attempting two 10+ exams, which is a good preparation for 11+.
Has anyone else attempted the 10+ exams from the middle east?

@expatinmys the school in our ME country does not provide the facilities to be an exam centre, so we had to take the ISEB in the UK. I believe the British consulate can provide a room and you have to organize supervision for any 10+ and 11+ pending which school you are applying for.

If you are earning well in ME and have no family connection in Kent (though I understand you own a house there) why not relocate to another part of the UK.

i am in the north where there is no 11+ exam and state schools are on the whole excellent. My children’s state school is second to none! Housing etc would be cheaper and I have to be honest your children will end up at the same universities as those who’s parents have paid a fortune for their education.

I am bewildered by the pressure for 11+ and to pay for private education. With good research there are many beautiful UK locations with excellent schooling that doesn’t require testing and fees. This would ease financial pressures when your husband is working less

Where’s the north?
Humberside? Tyneside? Aberdeenshire?

The tenancy rules seem to favour tenants rather than landlords - I would get that underway.

Thanks for the message. That's a good idea, will look into it. Are there any particular regions where this is the case in the north?

I returned to the UK for A levels after many years abroad before that in private schools that had strong international base for students. With your dc's age range, I'm assuming your younger would just be starting GCSE's when your son is starting A levels? That may be another option. The only thing I had to be aware of with University applications was I'd only been in the country 2 years and many want 3 years to pay UK fees. I hear some make exceptions, but not all.

I did well in my A levels but in some ways felt I had missed out on a lot of what my peers did in the GCSE years. Having said that sixth form where I went had many different private & state schools feeding into it, and I made friends very quickly and overall had a positive experience despite it being a massive change educationally, socially and culturally.

Do you have any recommendations of areas/schools?

I know of Yarm, BarnardCastle, Ripon Grammar,RGS Newcastle...only...

Going to a boarding school in Ireland ?