Step children & summer hols

[Farmersswife]

I’ll try & be brief! DH and I have two children 6months & 5. He has a daughter from a previous relationship DSD10, his ex partner also has a child previous to him B13 he used to regularly see his dad but the mum had a fall out with him & no longer lets him go to his dads.

when I met DH I only ever met his daughter things were great everyone got along we had DC, over the last 2 years we have started having B13 on occasions that has now turned into every time we have DSD. So Most weekends.

I find B13 hard work & quite difficult. He’s been quite unkind to DC & has also made up lies when I’ve had them all resulting in me & DH falling out / arguments as the mum has believed him & had a go at DH therefore resulting in me being the bad guy frequently.

it’s got to the stage I do not want B13 on my own. I also run my own business from home & the 6 weeks hols are my busiest time! I absolutely dread B13 coming Friday afternoons I feel pure dread at the weekend I know it sounds bad.

We are expected to have them both 3 days a week & most weekends for the 6 weeks holidays obviously DH needs to work, he’s self employed.

side not DH does the bare minimum with DC & does not pick up any extra slack when we have SC ie more cooking / washing up after them SD is a bed wetter and this all needs changing/ washing ect daily DH does not do anything when we have them. As previously said I’ll also be extremely busy with my business as well as my own DC.

am I being unreasonable to say I won’t have them all solo? Happy to have SD solo but not B13 also?

He just doesn’t see parenting / house work as his responsibilities.

What a catch!

Jesus, these fucking lazy, entitled men! Every single thread of this ilk is like reading a script.

And the mother is an entitled twat as well, dumping a completely unrelated child on someone with no relationship with him at all.

I agree!
I feel for him too despite his Kevin the teenager persona he is probably hurting - lots of men have come and gone from his life and he'll feel rejected by his own DF.
His behaviour is probably tricky as he doesn't want to be at yours either and knows that his mum wants the weekend off him- I'm sure he wishes he had a nice dad that he could go to.

However he probably does want to be with his half sibling. He might understandably be a bit jealous of the other children but that's not your problem.

My main concern is why is your DH leaving you with all these children!!

The softie in me might say he can come one night once a month IF he wants to, for his sake, not for childcare help for your DH's ex

Also, 'his ex is difficult' has DH said lots of stuff like that to you to train you into proving you're not like her and so you're compliant and don't stick up for yourself - be careful there

i think he’s 14 now but no she was desperate for another one. She was very very young also so is reliving her youth now they are older.

I agree. He wants to be with his mum not us, he’s clock watching and constantly asking when she’s coming to collect him. Now he’s older he’s on the phone to her. I tried really really hard with him. I don’t think he likes me or being here.

This. All of this. She might have mafe terrible choices, but your husband is a terrible father. That’s all on him. Having his children in the same house as him at the same time does not mean he is parenting. You are.

If you continue to allow this, that is all on you.

firsty, tell dh the brother stops coming. He doesnt want to be there. He wants his own father. If his mother loses her childcare she might just realise the kid going to see his father benefits her. Having him every weekend enables the mother to continue to alienate the father. Dont be a part of that.

secondly, you tell dh he picks his child up and drops her back and does the parenting in between. And you mean it. It doesnt have to be forever, but ling enough that he realises that actually he has been a shit dad.

Nd then you open your mouth and say you also need to work so he absolutely needs to arrange / be some of the summer holiday childcare. And again mean it.

At 13 I think he should have some input into if he comes to stay
Just word it carefully so the poor doesn’t think he’s not wanted

this. Do this. You have a massive dh problem.

He just doesn’t see parenting / house work as his responsibilities
You're looking at this wrong. He just doesnt respect you.

Oh FGS, that’s what you took from that? 🙄
They.
They they they they they.
Plural.

Your useless man didn’t want long, tear his previous relationship before he decided to have another baby. Result… yes another child (your stepdaughter) in a separated family.

And yet you rush in and blame her, instead of him. It was the pair of them.

firsty, tell dh the brother stops coming. He doesnt want to be there. He wants his own father. If his mother loses her childcare she might just realise the kid going to see his father benefits her. Having him every weekend enables the mother to continue to alienate the father. Dont be a part of that
This is an excellent point and I'm annoyed I missed it. I've never forgiven my MIL for dancing to exs tune and enabling her to keep DSD from DH. If she hadn't been jumping up and down to do the childcare, ex would have been forced to stick to the contact schedule.

Do you realise your role is 'unpaid childminder' to this teen? Time to resign.

Your husband is taking the piss.

Kick the bloody boat over. You need to offend her so much she refuses to send the kids to you.

And strongly consider how incredible life would be just you and your children, your business, your home, without this piss taking sexist prick and his ridiculous ex in it.