To take DS4 to a funeral?

[mumtorn]

My elderly aunt has died and her funeral is next week. It is important to me that I go.

I cannot get childcare for DS, is it inappropriate to take him?

He has had quite a few questions surrounding death recently and is quite worried about the fact everyone dies one day.

Should I sit this one out?

Take him, sit at the back for easy escape- dole out raisins one at a time

It also all depends on the mood of the funeral. Whilst obviously many are incredibly somber and sad occasions not all are. My beloved Dad's funeral was literally a celebration of a life well lived. I planned it as such. People were requested to wear summery, happy clothes. We had the happiest church service with applause, clapping and so much laughter. Afterwards we had a huge garden party at my Mum's house with a pig roast and everyone got smashed while remembering my amazing and wonderful Dad. Your son would have been most welcome, even on a silly day. But then I guess our family have always been a bit weird!! If it's not this sort of funeral, then as a church goer, I would say if you are concerned then tuck yourselves in behind a pillar or settled comfortably behind a pew, take the headphones and device and pop them on if needed. I certainly wouldn't care and would find it respectful that somebody cared enough to come and make sure the service wasn't interrupted.

Our DD4 often plays up when we are out but recently went to her first funeral and sat through the service without noice. We did bring the tablet but didn't need it as DD was in awe of what was going on around her. If she had been noisy we would have just waited outside but in our family children usual attend funerals so she was always going to come.

I wouldn't....not because he shouldn't be exposed to the concept of death in an age appropriate way, but because I think the environment is too much for a 4yo.My DD was 4.5 when her grandad (my father) died.She didn't have a really close relationship with him though, and the funeral was a sombre and heavily religious affair, so we sent her to school (she was asked her opinion too and agreed she wanted to go to school) then took her to the graveside burial the next day instead for closure.She is a livewire and would likely have got bored and difficult, and the way I was feeling I wouldn't have coped well with managing her challenging behaviour/ supporting her emotionally whilst falling to pieces myself. Some people probably thought it strange she wasn't there (DH came and I took 3wk old DD2 as she was so tiny) but whilst I second guessed my decision abit after, I know it was probably the right one in that situation.It's different if its someone they are very close to.

In my extended family, children always go to funerals. Because they are family occasions.

I wouldn't (didn't, when my dc were that age).

I've been to a lot of funerals, over the decades, to funerals of people I've know from different things I've belonged to, so loads of funerals where I might not know the family well, as well, obviously as my own family funerals, and I so rarely see any dc at funerals, other than teens, that I am always surprised on MN at how many people would take them. I know we are all different, hence me mentioning the number of funerals I've been to at different venues and with a plethora of different families, and the fact it is astonishingly rare to see small dc at any of them.

Take him. Funerals are for everyone, and death is part of life. Sit near the back and be prepared to slip out if he gets noisy. Absolutely fine to take a tablet, phone or toy to keep him occupied and quiet. The close family will be seated at the front, facing forward and listening to the vicar/celebrant, they're not going to be turning round to see what you're up to. They'll be delighted afterwards to see you there and to know that you cared enough to come.

I'm a funeral celebrant and I'm used to seeing children at funerals, as long as they're not noisy I don't care if they play, sit on the floor, pull faces or do whatever, I'm the only person facing that way who sees them. I've even had mothers breastfeeding during a service. Life goes on.

I don't think its disrespectful to use devices for a small child in this instance - it's a good compromise. Maybe don't set hm up from the start and if it's too much get them out quickly and discreetly.

I took my toddler to to one and my dad just slipped out with her when they were noisy.
I was pregnant with a toddler and many people said what a nice reminder of life going on and such.

Take him; four is old enough to sit quietly for that long. No device and headphones though. Sit at the back and go out if necessary.
At our Catholic church very young children quickly become accustomed to being quiet for an hour at Mass. They usually have books/colouring, a doll
or quiet toy and a few sweets and with hymns and a lot of getting up and down they cope and it is a regular event