Is this fair? SAHM splitting finances for the first time

[AWholeNewWorls]

This isn't an argument, I just wanted other people's perspectives or how they do it. Recently taking a step back from working following a number of health complications with DC1.

We've decided that DH will pay off his credit cards with his salary and then the remainder will go into an account that we both have access to. I then pay anything I need to pay off and manage what we spend on holidays, savings, Investments etc

DH generally spends very little on himself, is a big saver etc. His credit card is usually spent on anything for the house or baby or dining out etc. before anyone says why does he get to pay off his credit card first.

YABU : this is not fair. Please provide reasons
YANBU: this is far

Impossible to tell from what you’ve written.

What more information do you need?

I think the usual rule is both adults have equal access to money and leisure. Can't tell if thats the case here.

I think then I should also have access to the account DH's salary comes in to?

Get a joint account.
my money goes on mine, Dp goes in theirs and then we both put money into the joint accts for all household stuff.

Why can’t all income go into one account, bills and living expenses, etc paid for that and then a proportion goes to savings and discretionary spending for both of you.

Do you have access to the credit card your DH uses or is it for his use only?

Well yeah, I think so. His salary can't be the really his money and then what he decides goes in the joint account is the joint money.

Should the salary go into the joint account?

I have access to the credit card if I want to/will tell him to buy stuff on it

Why do you have a problem with this? You’ve said he’s sensible and just wants to pay credit cards first… so what exactly is the issue with it?

Do you actually have debt on credit cards or do you pay them off in full every month?

We put everything into a shared account where all bills and shared spending comes from. Then we pay ourselves a small monthly payment in our personal accounts which is for our own personal spending. This personal payment works well as DH spends more than me, so I've slowly built up savings where as he's mostly spent the money over the years but I know longer have an opinion on his spending cause it's 100% fair and totally his choice what he spends on.

If one of us was a SAHP it'd be the same set-up, just that we'd only have one wage coming in.

Your finances sound a little bit more complicated than necessary to me. But I can't tell if they're fair or not. So long as you both have the same access for spending on yourself/personal purchases and all the bills get paid then it's probably fair.

When you say pay off the credit card, do you mean there's no ongoing debt, he just uses it for general spending and pays it all off each month?

*no longer have an opinion 🤦

There's no ongoing debt. He uses it for everyday spending instead of debit card

Why don’t you just share everything if you’re married? I never realised this was so unusual! All our accounts are joint.

If this works for you, it sounds perfectly fair, although if you've taken a step back from work for family reasons, it would probably be more equitable for dh's salary to go into a joint account and for him to get his credit card linked to that, so that all spending etc is transparent.

Lots of people have different ways of organising shared finances so you'll get as many answers as people.

Personally, I'd have a shared account. All money goes into it. All bills come out of it. Work out how debts will be paid and how quickly eg which to be paid off first.

Then anything left can go into shared savings or individual savings.

Discuss what will be considered a shared bill or what will be considered a personal spend so you are both on the same page.

Me and dh gave everything shared so its never an issue.

Obviously if your aren't married I would do something slightly different or if one of you is a gambler or prolific spender.

What are you doing about a pension?

you should prioritise that after household spending. Set up a SIPP and a direct debit.

1. pay off houses expenses and bills, general spending, including credit cards for both of you.
2. pay into your pension
3. set aside an amount for savings/emergencies
4. anything left over is spent on the luxuries- takeaways, holidays etc.

Dh and I have a joint account. Both salaries go into it and we both have a card. I then have it automatically set up to debit from there into various things like paying bills, putting money into a bills account, paying into the mortgage, and paying into savings. Some of the savings accounts are just in my name but that’s for tax as I’m the lower earner. We follow barefoot investor.

• one main account for groceries ect where salary goes
• one fun account for spending
• one holiday savings account
• one rainy day emergency account (which has 3 months salary in it - would use if the car needed work or needed new fridge ect)
• one bills account (not barefoot but I use this to pay large bills. All the bills are annualised and then I work out the total each fortnight and put that aside)

Sounds messy. Why not just put it all in
the joint account and pay all expenses from
there? Maybe the same amount of fun money as I think that’s beneficial for budgeting.

I'm sure you know what you've got a problem with op, but you're not articulating it!
Do you not have enough money to do what you want with? Is that it? Whereas he does, via his credit card?

Joint account. Salary in to it. Bills out. Child stuff out. Remainder split in to two personal accounts.

Ok… so is the issue here that he gets to basically spend what he wants, and you don’t?

Okay, so it's normal household spending, on the stuff you listed. Really it just sounds like you are pooling money which is fine if that works for you. I'd personally prefer to have family money and individual money so I don't feel I have to account for my bit iyswim, but your way works fine for lots of people. You only have one salary as you are contributing to the household in other ways so obviously DH salary funds both your money and his.

When I was a SAHM we had a joint account and his wages were paid into that. I then controlled the finances.

DH never really spent much and if he did want something, he'd have to mention it to me so that I could budget.