Is this fair? SAHM splitting finances for the first time

[AWholeNewWorls]

This isn't an argument, I just wanted other people's perspectives or how they do it. Recently taking a step back from working following a number of health complications with DC1.

We've decided that DH will pay off his credit cards with his salary and then the remainder will go into an account that we both have access to. I then pay anything I need to pay off and manage what we spend on holidays, savings, Investments etc

DH generally spends very little on himself, is a big saver etc. His credit card is usually spent on anything for the house or baby or dining out etc. before anyone says why does he get to pay off his credit card first.

YABU : this is not fair. Please provide reasons
YANBU: this is far

From your OP I'm not actually clear what the problem is and what your question is.

Same.

So are you saying you have one wage coming in, all bills will go out of it plus credit card payments which are also household spends, then you both have free access to what is left?

I can't see why this could be unfair, but if you both have different spending habits it can cause friction e.g. you make small purchases pretty much daily and he buys himself a games console every 6 months. Imo so long as neither of you feel hard done by it is fine, but if there is any need to 'ask permission' to spend money it can be better if you each syphon off a reasonable amount into your personal accounts each month and sornd as you wish.

Without wishing to sound pessimistic, do consider what night happen if you split in the future. He should be paying your pension payments as a minimum.

So there’s one wage which is shared. Sounds fine, unless I’ve missed something.

Ensure you are saving into your pension. £2880 per annum made up to £3600 by the tax. You do not need to earn anything to do this.

He isn’t paying off ongoing debt. He has a credit card he uses and pays off monthly. Doesn’t sound like the op has access to that cc. Then what’s left is transferred to an account she can use.

doesn’t seem right to me.

I have been a SAHM for more than 20 years. When I was married, and before we were married, all income went into one joint account, and everything was paid from this account. We also had joint savings/offset mortgage accounts. But absolutely everything was joint. I spent what I needed to spend and that was that (this also included stuff like going out, buying clothes etc - I wasn't silly and didn't buy Rolexes or that kind of thing). We also had a joint credit card. We made all our big purchases (houses, cars etc) as joint decisions, based on what we had available. It would have been weird not to.

Basically, all income should go into the joint account, and everything should be paid out of that (in my opinion).

And yes, you need to sort out your pension provision (or something that makes up for the lack of a pension). It's easy to overlook this if you're a SAHM.

I'm mostly a sahm. All monies goes into joint account. Anything under around £200 (single item) we buy without discussion. Big items we discuss. 99 percent of spending outside direct debts goes on credit card which is automatically cleared each month.

Not sure I'd be happy with the setup you're proposing.

It sounds like the ops husband doesn’t spend extravagantly on his cc and the OP can use it if she wants to. Can you view the credit card statements to see what he’s spent it on?

Personally, if just one person is earning, it would be easier to have it all go into the joint account and you both get equal spends on leisure items. He can then use that money to pay off his credit card for his leisure spends. If he spends joint items like babies nappies for example on the credit card he can use the joint account to pay that part of the cc off.

She literally says the credit card is used mainly for baby and house stuff so I doubt it.

Salary in joint account - message received loud and clear!

Someone asked what the problem was - I don't have a problem, I just wanted to hear what the perspective was on this.

I only know how my parents spent their money as a couple as an example really.. they didn't have much and they shared a debit card and that was it. DH is a high earner but comes from very humble beginnings so isn't a big spender at all and much prefers to save. Before getting married I probably was a big spender (despite not earning anywhere near similar) but I am older and wiser now hehe

Perspective on what though? I'm still baffled!

Do you have access to money? Or is the issue that he controls what is spent on the CC and you only get a say in deciding how to spend what is left over?

If you’re happy, he’s happy, you both think it’s fair… why do you need anyone else’s perspective?

We had a joint account and joint credit card which was paid off monthly. This works well as long as you have similar spending habits and trust.

I'm no longer married but money was never an issue, in fact I'm still advising exh on financials as he isn't very clued up

I now live with dp, the new system is different, he pays for everything joint and I (from my much more modest salary) pay for my car, personal care, clothes and most my daughters expenses (I get maintenance from her dad) though dp always pays for meals out. Works for us, he earns 10x my salary

Why he getting Into debt on a credit card?

He isn’t. That’s exactly what she said. He doesn’t get into debt on a credit card, he uses it for day to day spending then pays it off in full each month. Often a sensible thing to do as you can build up cashback/points/air miles on a credit card, and also have purchase protection.

If the credit card is just another monthly household expense, then why not just put his salary into the household account and pay the credit card bill along with the other bills? Why the separation?

It's a cashback one

His rationale is he's just being cautious with paying it off but I will have a chat about doing everything off one account

She’s explained it’s spent on family things, not stuff for himself. Paying the card off first is sensible, as otherwise interest accrues.

DH salary not going into an account you have access to would be a problem if he was taking money for his own savings, overspending or any other reason that would be detrimental to you. It would also be harder to deal with if he died - grim as it is, you have to consider the position you'd be in if he was killed in a car accident or similar. You may not have access to money and have trouble sorting things out in the short term, so would add to the stress at a difficult time.

Which is probably why people are suggesting everything goes into a joint account, then you both get some spending money in a separate account so you have your own personal money - make sure you have enough to buy things like clothes and other personal items, leisure activities, hobbies etc without having to ask. You could also get a second card on DHs credit card, so you can also use this independently to buy for yourself or house/DC.

Definitely put the maximum you're allowed into a pension and also make sure you're claiming CB to keep up with your state pension. If you're not entitled due to your DH earnings, you can opt to not receive the money only the NI credit.

You say you manage savings and investments, so that's good. Ideally these should be split 50/50 to maximise ISA allowances etc and also because it would be fairer and more transparent should you divorce. However unlikely this seems, it's better to consider the 'what ifs' than have to unravel an almighty mess and wonder where all the money has gone should the worst happen (which is what a family member is going through - she has been a trailing spouse for many years to a high earning DH who's now having some sort of mid life crisis, has left her for a younger woman, they're divorcing and he's telling her they don't have any money despite him earning shedloads and previously saying they had plenty).

Also make sure you have good life insurance for both of you. Don't forget that he can only concentrate on his high earning big job because you're doing everything at home/with DC. If something happened to you, he'd probably not be able to manage everything alone.