Page 3 | To think my friend was a bit of an arsehole?

ek20 · 2023-07-13T15:44:50+00:00

I'm not getting involved, just curious what other people think about this. Also details removed as potentially identifiable. So I have a friend (we'll call her B) who is part of an activity group. They go away for weekends, do the activity, stay normally in a hostel/bunkhouse. Car-sharing is quite normal and this particular weekend B got a lift with another lady (we'll call her F). B doesn't drive. F has three young children and it was a logistical nightmare to organise getting away but she particularly wanted to do the activity on this weekend. So on the first morning B manages to lock F's car keys in the car. B was warned not to do this and managed to do it anyway. F then had to wait for hours (in the middle of nowhere) for the RAC. I asked B afterwards what they did for the day instead and it turns out B simply got a lift with somebody else and went on the activity anyway. Left F alone for the day. I was horrified but B can't see anything wrong with this. Just shrugged and said she couldn't do anything as it was F who needed to be there for the RAC. Said F was a bit cold with her on the drive home but B is mystified as to why. Am I being unreasonable to think B should have waited with F, especially when B was responsible for locking the keys in the car? Just to add there is no financial penalty for either of them missing the activity, it's more the accommodation they all pay for.

BMW6 · 13/07/2023 19:31

Honeypickle · 13/07/2023 19:18

Why didn’t B wait with the car for the mechanic and allow F to go off to do the activity with the other friend?

This is what B should have done. She should be told this. F should not have missed out on the activity when it was B that fucked up.

Does B expect lifts in the future???

CrazyArmadilloLady · 13/07/2023 19:31

Why did F give her a lift home?

Did F actually wait around for B to finish the activity….?

Why didn’t B get a lift with the people she ditched F for?

Qbish · 13/07/2023 19:31

B is a double arsehole. Once for locking the keys inside the car when she was warned not to, and twice for abandoning F.

Original poster

ek20 · 13/07/2023 19:36

CrazyArmadilloLady · 13/07/2023 19:31

Why did F give her a lift home?

Did F actually wait around for B to finish the activity….?

Why didn’t B get a lift with the people she ditched F for?

Sorry I probably wasn't clear, they were staying Friday and Sat night, this happened on the Sat so they weren't driving home until the following day.

OP posts:

CrazyArmadilloLady · 13/07/2023 19:41

Ah, right.

Well B is a piece of work.

Did F mention any of this to you - or just B?

CrazyArmadilloLady · 13/07/2023 19:43

The other aspect - which surely B should get - is that B 100% caused the issue, but she got to swan off and enjoy the activity.

F did not cause the issue. But she had to hang back, fix it and miss out on the activity.

How does B square that in her head?

WhatADrabCarpet · 13/07/2023 19:55

B needs to know that she behaved appallingly.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 13/07/2023 20:03

Am I the only one who is paranoid about making certain that I never close all the doors if the keys are still in the ignition/inside for any reason? Mind, I suppose that maybe wouldn't come naturally to a non-driver.

Because RAC sensibly won't break into a car unless the account holder is present.

I don't know how that would happen if it were the AA. They don't have any idea what cars we have - we're both covered as 'occupants' of any broken-down vehicle (whether as driver or passenger) and they would attend if we called, whether we owned the car or not.

Honeypickle · 13/07/2023 20:26

ek20 · 13/07/2023 19:31

Because RAC sensibly won't break into a car unless the account holder is present.

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I don’t think this is right. I’m the registered owner of our cars and I’ve left my husband to deal with the AA when we’ve had a breakdown. They’ve never asked for ID/proof of being a registered driver. I suppose that is different to breaking into a car - did F have to show photo ID? I would have thought she could have explained the situation on the phone and still left. Maybe not but they should have explored that possibility.

MereDintofPandiculation · 13/07/2023 20:44

I guess it will come out in the wash eventually when nobody else will give her a lift! Probably not. She didn't have enough insight to understand why F was cold to her on the drive home. So she probably won't understand why people aren't offering her lifts. I'd have another go at explaining why her behaviour was viewed badly by everyone else.

Original poster

ek20 · 13/07/2023 20:49

Honeypickle · 13/07/2023 20:26

I don’t think this is right. I’m the registered owner of our cars and I’ve left my husband to deal with the AA when we’ve had a breakdown. They’ve never asked for ID/proof of being a registered driver. I suppose that is different to breaking into a car - did F have to show photo ID? I would have thought she could have explained the situation on the phone and still left. Maybe not but they should have explored that possibility.

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Yes not the registered owner of the vehicle but I've never had RAC turn up if the account holder is not present (B doesn't have RAC cover herself). They wouldn't attend once when my friend wasn't present despite it being her car, her mother driving, and her children in it.

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Kingsparkle · 13/07/2023 22:42

Honeypickle · 13/07/2023 20:26

I don’t think this is right. I’m the registered owner of our cars and I’ve left my husband to deal with the AA when we’ve had a breakdown. They’ve never asked for ID/proof of being a registered driver. I suppose that is different to breaking into a car - did F have to show photo ID? I would have thought she could have explained the situation on the phone and still left. Maybe not but they should have explored that possibility.

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I assume in that scenario your husband was holding the car key.

PlainOldEmmaJane · 13/07/2023 23:11

This was a little over 10 years ago now, but I had borrowed my DPs car (very nice soft top Audi) for a weekend away whilst he was abroad visiting family. I managed to lock the keys in the boot as I was loading it up late at night (ready for an early set of in the morning). I joined the RAC the next morning and had a same day call out (not cheap). The bloke got into the car (terrifyingly easily), we found the keys in the boot where I said they would be, I signed some paperwork and that was that. No one asked about proof of ownership. I think I joined under my name for an any car type policy if that makes a difference, but thinking about it now it does seem a bit😮 I guess I was in the middle of nowhere and clearly had to be at the property the car was parked at, as I went in and made him a coffee…

Also, your friend was definitely far into cf territory on this occasion op imo.

Saz12 · 14/07/2023 00:15

Most brrakdown cover is for the person, not the vehicle. So its F who was the member, not her car.
B is still a cow thoigh.

CloverHilla · 14/07/2023 00:23

My first instinct was Fuck me, B is a selfish cow! It's worse that she can't see that.

Catsmere · 14/07/2023 01:51

B would be an ex-friend after that stunt! Not even the locking F's keys in, but leaving her and shrugging the whole thing off. I spent all my adult life as a non-driver (learned to drive three years ago) and I cannot imagine having that attitude to a friend who'd given me a lift.

stayathomer · 14/07/2023 05:17

Also gobsmacked she got a ride home!!!!

Original poster

ek20 · 14/07/2023 06:10

Saz12 · 14/07/2023 00:15

Most brrakdown cover is for the person, not the vehicle. So its F who was the member, not her car.
B is still a cow thoigh.

Yes, that's what I meant and hence why F had to be present.

OP posts:

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 14/07/2023 10:48

This thread - and B's behaviour - has reminded me of the time when a non-driving family member had her DF drive her to a retail park, as she needed to do some shopping. Neither of them knew that the retail park had a two-hour free parking limit - the signs were very tiny and the only people who had any cause to park there were those spending money in the various shops, so a silly rule as it goes.

He ended up getting a parking fine for overstaying and she figured that, as it was his car and he was driving, it was his responsibility to pay it himself. Never for a moment occurred to her to offer to pay it/half of it. She even found it rather amusing.

latetothefisting · 14/07/2023 17:57

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 14/07/2023 10:48

This thread - and B's behaviour - has reminded me of the time when a non-driving family member had her DF drive her to a retail park, as she needed to do some shopping. Neither of them knew that the retail park had a two-hour free parking limit - the signs were very tiny and the only people who had any cause to park there were those spending money in the various shops, so a silly rule as it goes.

He ended up getting a parking fine for overstaying and she figured that, as it was his car and he was driving, it was his responsibility to pay it himself. Never for a moment occurred to her to offer to pay it/half of it. She even found it rather amusing.

I think this is a bit more of a grey area though...as in where do you draw the line? If your argument is that the DF wouldn't have even been there if he hadn't been doing her a favour, then what if the person he was giving a lift to was a child - would they still be expected to pay? What if he was driving there for work rather than for a friend? How about if it was a speeding ticket rather than a parking one, would you still expect the non driver to pay? What if he got it on the way back after already dropping her off, or got into an accident while driving her or went over a huge pothole and damaged the car - after all the "I wouldn't have even been there if I hadn't been doing her a favour" argument would equally apply to any of those scenarios.

It might be slightly different if she had known there was a parking limit and didn't bother to tell him but as she didn't know, she can't be blamed! It would be nice of the non driver to offer some money in such circumstances and of course it's a dick move to find it funny....but ultimately it's up to the driver to make themselves aware of these things, it's fairly understandable that a non driver wouldn't even think about parking limits.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 14/07/2023 18:31

No, I see your point. Obviously, if she had been a child, you wouldn't expect her to bear any responsibility or have to pay.

I think my main point is that a lot of people (by no means all) who don't drive but rely on others to drive them seem to expect drivers to do all the adulting for them, and fall into child mode, even when very much adults themselves.

Neither of them knew there were any limits - there are several large stores there, including the sort where you'd naturally spend a long time deciding on significant purchases and quite possibly arranging finance. Two hours is ridiculous.

She can't drive, but she can read. I'd say it's similar to car parks that charge for parking: just because the non-driver couldn't get the car there, there's absolutely nothing stopping them from looking at the charges and buying a ticket for the car that they too travelled there in.

Knowing her, even if he had noticed the limit and told her, she would have faffed and tarried longer anyway. Whatever the rights and wrongs of it, I just don't see why he is expected to pay the whole fine when he was only going there to do her a favour. I guess it's yet another example of 'no good turn goes unpunished'.

Conkersinautumn · 14/07/2023 18:34

B is a politician I take it? The sense of responsibility seems on a par.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 14/07/2023 21:15

latetothefisting · 14/07/2023 17:57

I think this is a bit more of a grey area though...as in where do you draw the line? If your argument is that the DF wouldn't have even been there if he hadn't been doing her a favour, then what if the person he was giving a lift to was a child - would they still be expected to pay? What if he was driving there for work rather than for a friend? How about if it was a speeding ticket rather than a parking one, would you still expect the non driver to pay? What if he got it on the way back after already dropping her off, or got into an accident while driving her or went over a huge pothole and damaged the car - after all the "I wouldn't have even been there if I hadn't been doing her a favour" argument would equally apply to any of those scenarios.

It might be slightly different if she had known there was a parking limit and didn't bother to tell him but as she didn't know, she can't be blamed! It would be nice of the non driver to offer some money in such circumstances and of course it's a dick move to find it funny....but ultimately it's up to the driver to make themselves aware of these things, it's fairly understandable that a non driver wouldn't even think about parking limits.

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But none of those grey areas did apply?

Sorry, but in that scenario, the person being driven absolutely should gave at least paid half. I’d have offered to cover it in full.

Anything else is pure CF behaviour.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 14/07/2023 23:56

...She never ever offers to give him petrol money either. Granted, most of the journeys are within 10-15 miles each way, so may seem quite insignificant in isolation, but several of those a week add up to quite a few full tanks of fuel over the years.