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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend was a bit of an arsehole?

74 replies

ek20 · 13/07/2023 16:44

I'm not getting involved, just curious what other people think about this. Also details removed as potentially identifiable.

So I have a friend (we'll call her B) who is part of an activity group. They go away for weekends, do the activity, stay normally in a hostel/bunkhouse. Car-sharing is quite normal and this particular weekend B got a lift with another lady (we'll call her F). B doesn't drive. F has three young children and it was a logistical nightmare to organise getting away but she particularly wanted to do the activity on this weekend.

So on the first morning B manages to lock F's car keys in the car. B was warned not to do this and managed to do it anyway. F then had to wait for hours (in the middle of nowhere) for the RAC.

I asked B afterwards what they did for the day instead and it turns out B simply got a lift with somebody else and went on the activity anyway. Left F alone for the day. I was horrified but B can't see anything wrong with this. Just shrugged and said she couldn't do anything as it was F who needed to be there for the RAC. Said F was a bit cold with her on the drive home but B is mystified as to why.

Am I being unreasonable to think B should have waited with F, especially when B was responsible for locking the keys in the car? Just to add there is no financial penalty for either of them missing the activity, it's more the accommodation they all pay for.

OP posts:
FrivolousTreeDuck · 13/07/2023 18:06

Yes - I should think 99% of people would rather have company while they waited for their car to be unlocked.

Silvered · 13/07/2023 18:07

Wow, B is a right twat.

I would have left her there.

PronounsBaby · 13/07/2023 18:08

Clicked the wrong button. Your friend is a grade a knob

Carpediemmakeitcount · 13/07/2023 18:09

Who is the 1% or was it pressed by accident? 😂

ColdHandsHotHead · 13/07/2023 18:09

These people who think an apology wipes out any kind of bad or stupid behaviour are just unbelievable. B should have stayed with F, bought her lunch if possible, got her a bottle of wine and flowers.

canpinkydance · 13/07/2023 18:11

Good luck to B getting lifts in future!

Hankunamatata · 13/07/2023 18:15

What B did was logical going on activity but lacks manners, understanding and generally not being a dick

MereDintofPandiculation · 13/07/2023 18:21

I don’t think B was intentionally rude or selfish, even though her behaviour would be regarded as rude or selfish by pretty well everyone. I think she may be a person who looks at things in a pragmatic way, a sort of “engineer’s viewpoint”. It didn’t occur to her that she could help - company, buy a nice lunch, etc - because that’s not practical help which will get the car opened. So what was the point of hanging around?

She needs to understand that decent behaviour to other people often requires doing things that don’t seem to make practical sense.

tigger1001 · 13/07/2023 18:21

I could never have left f to wait for the rac when it was my fault the keys were locked in the car. I would have been mortified, that my friend was missing out on a planned activity due to my stupidity.

B is self centred and is unlikely to see what she did wrong. I am guessing there will be no more lifts from f.

Was there a excess charge for rac?

optimistic40 · 13/07/2023 18:26

I could forgive the accidental locking of the keys but leaving me hanging out for the recovery would put me off the friend :-(

Original poster
ek20 · 13/07/2023 18:26

MereDintofPandiculation · 13/07/2023 18:21

I don’t think B was intentionally rude or selfish, even though her behaviour would be regarded as rude or selfish by pretty well everyone. I think she may be a person who looks at things in a pragmatic way, a sort of “engineer’s viewpoint”. It didn’t occur to her that she could help - company, buy a nice lunch, etc - because that’s not practical help which will get the car opened. So what was the point of hanging around?

She needs to understand that decent behaviour to other people often requires doing things that don’t seem to make practical sense.

Thanks, it's a good way to put it into words because I was struggling. B genuinely isn't normally a selfish person, is a lovely host etc. But I think you are right that she just can't see beyond the logic here.
I guess it will come out in the wash eventually when nobody else will give her a lift!

OP posts:
FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 13/07/2023 18:30

B is obviously a complete CF here; but I'm nosey curious to know how she managed to lock the keys in the car in the first place. Would the driver not have automatically kept them on her her person at all times when they weren't in the ignition right in front of her?

pineapple360 · 13/07/2023 18:36

F should end the friendship with B.

Original poster
ek20 · 13/07/2023 18:38

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 13/07/2023 18:30

B is obviously a complete CF here; but I'm nosey curious to know how she managed to lock the keys in the car in the first place. Would the driver not have automatically kept them on her her person at all times when they weren't in the ignition right in front of her?

Apparently she had taken the keys to unload the bags and left the keys in the car and shut it. Not sure if there was a known fault or the car had a locking system like my old Skoda where it autolocks after a certain time. She was warned never to leave the keys in the car and shut the doors!

OP posts:
Original poster
ek20 · 13/07/2023 18:41

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 13/07/2023 18:30

B is obviously a complete CF here; but I'm nosey curious to know how she managed to lock the keys in the car in the first place. Would the driver not have automatically kept them on her her person at all times when they weren't in the ignition right in front of her?

Also, I'm a member of a similar group and honestly we are always jumping in and out of others cars, things need moved or car shuttles done. Keys just tend to get tossed from person to person! But she had been specifically warned of the issue.

OP posts:
mangochops · 13/07/2023 18:45

B is a selfish arsehole and would be walking home if I was F

ZebraD · 13/07/2023 18:49

B would be getting a lift back from the people who took her to the activity not F! Really bad selfish behaviour!

Ladybug14 · 13/07/2023 18:54

"" B genuinely isn't normally a selfish person, is a lovely host etc.""

So this car key incident is a complete one off? B has never shown signs of selfishness and CF-ery before? Hmmm?

Original poster
ek20 · 13/07/2023 19:15

Ladybug14 · 13/07/2023 18:54

"" B genuinely isn't normally a selfish person, is a lovely host etc.""

So this car key incident is a complete one off? B has never shown signs of selfishness and CF-ery before? Hmmm?

No I would genuinely say not, I think that's why I am so shocked and then was doubting my reaction.
I would say that she is blunter than me when it comes to asking for stuff (she has a lot of friends from cultures where this is more normal). Whereas I tend to beat around the bush until somebody gets the hint 🤣. But she is always happy to be told no.
The car lift example she would always pay her way, bring cake etc. I genuinely wouldn't put her in CF territory.

OP posts:
Honeypickle · 13/07/2023 19:18

Why didn’t B wait with the car for the mechanic and allow F to go off to do the activity with the other friend?

coconutpie · 13/07/2023 19:24

Honeypickle · 13/07/2023 19:18

Why didn’t B wait with the car for the mechanic and allow F to go off to do the activity with the other friend?

This.

Glittertwins · 13/07/2023 19:25

I'm with the others in that it would have been a cold day in hell before I took B anywhere in F's position.

Evaka · 13/07/2023 19:28

B is for bonkers

pippinsleftleg · 13/07/2023 19:30

Honeypickle · 13/07/2023 19:18

Why didn’t B wait with the car for the mechanic and allow F to go off to do the activity with the other friend?

Presumably F had to drive her car (B doesn't drive)

Original poster
ek20 · 13/07/2023 19:31

Honeypickle · 13/07/2023 19:18

Why didn’t B wait with the car for the mechanic and allow F to go off to do the activity with the other friend?

Because RAC sensibly won't break into a car unless the account holder is present.

OP posts:
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