To ruin her engagement

[Anonymissss]

I’ve a friend. She got engaged last month. Been with the bloke, who I’ve never met 6 months (no cultural reasons as why to marry for quickly). Friend is coming up to mid 30s. I’ve not said anything to her but I really feel it is too soon and I’m worried she’s rushing into things for several reasons:
age- she’s spoke for years about wanting kids and puts a lot of pressure on herself to have kids and being the only one who doesn’t have one. Makes a lot of comments about how she’s not going to be too far behind xyz and xyz as she’ll be having children soon. I guess this worries me too as children can test even the most established and strong relationships

shes never been single- maybe a week or two in the time I’ve known her. She bounces from one relationship to the next. And they are the best thing ever, until all of a sudden they aren’t and he was horribly mistreating her

rebound- about 8 months ago she split up with an ex, together over 5 years and he was the one etc. he’s moved on to some high flyer old money woman (who was the OW) and I’m there’s an element of ‘im ok without you’- she’s big on SM displays of affection . I think it was maybe a few weeks before she met the new guy and then got into a committed relationship with him

I don’t want to ruin her happiness or engagement or create problems but my gut says this is too soon and I’m concerned for her that’s she got wrapped up in it all and might not even know this man. Her last 3 relationships were all abusive and the man was a love bombing cheat. Not taking any time away to self reflect I’m concerned the same pattern might occur and it will be so much more difficult to leave when married with kids. Even if he’s not abusive, it still seems rushed, and no she’s not pregnant now

Getting married and "knocked up" by someone in 6 months, is absolutelynot "wild".

I married DH within 7 weeks of meeting him, and found out I was pregnant the day before our wedding.

Understood 🙂

My parents were engaged within 3 mths of meeting and they lived quite far apart so they’d spent very little time together. My mum’s parents tried to discourage her but she was determined. They were married 40 years before he died, the majority of those years were miserable. Her parents were right, she was on the rebound from someone else, desperate to be married and have children as she felt she was on the shelf. My father was a terrible choice for her, he was just the first man to ask so she accepted.

As an adult I do wonder whether she stayed with him to prove a point to her parents that she hadn’t made a mistake. And maybe if they hadn’t tried to intervene she would have been more inclined to ask for their help to leave instead of stubbornly sticking it out.

I agree if you say something you’re more likely to ruin the friendship than the engagement. Be supportive and non judgmental so she knows you have her back no matter what.