Cancelled plans due to ill DH

[stayflufft]

AIBU? Had long standing plans booked today - leaving before kids drop off at school and getting back after their bedtime.

DH said yesterday afternoon that he was getting a sore throat. Thought no more of it until this morning when he woke me up at 5 going downstairs to get paracetamol. He said he felt like death and ‘the worst he’s ever felt’. Temperature at a textbook 36.4. He then says he very much doubts he can look after the kids today - they were out of the house from 8am-5pm.

I cancelled my trip, worked all day instead and did drop off, pick up, tea and I’ll do bath and bed.

DH is limping around the house after spending all day in bed.

I have been called unsympathetic and horrible by him today. I was upset at missing my day out - if I had felt the same way and he had plans I would have just popped a few nurofen and cracked on with it (as I do, and have done, on many occasions).

AIBU? Am I a horrible person? Or is anyone else with small children and very little time to themselves similarly irritated when their partners are ‘ill’.

Rubbish, he would have been fine. You've played right into his hands here I'm afraid.

I've had to look after my baby before with a horrendous upset stomach. But these are the things you have to do as a parent

Dh a bit like this too. ‘ill’ very often with no symptoms whatsoever eg a cold but no runny nose

And even if you had all of those, surely a nurofen would cure you?

He's sabotaged your plans because he has a cold? FFS what a useless prick.

Hahahaha pretty much!

So you cut off your nose to spite your face then?

Sounds like a toxic marriage. Think what you are letting your kids witness here.

Not good!

Normally, I would say “He can’t help being ill and if he’s got flu or something he should be in bed, poor bloke” - but having read your updates about him having form for this and also that he invariably ends up phoning you asking for help re. the kids whenever he has to do any solo parenting, I think YANBU and he’s being a twat. I’d be pissed off too.

He sounds like the parenting equivalent of one of those colleagues we’ve all known who invariably ‘comes down with a 24 hour bug’ as soon as work gets a bit stressful or they’re meant to be doing a presentation or something.

Quite. I remember having norovirus and a heavy cold and still having to crack on.

Well, at least you know now. He doesn't see himself as somebody who is responsible for his own children. He sees it like a job he can just call in sick to.

Thank you, Doctor. 🙄

Thanks for all your responses - much appreciated.

I would have been tempted to book a babysitter and tell him to stay upstairs out of the way so they didn't catch anything from him.

To add, "tempted". Probably wouldn't if I thought he actually had anything in case the kids passed it on.

I honestly don't want to sound harsh but bigger fool you for cancelling your plans!!! He had a bloody sore throat and a bit of a cold ffs!

I remember DH, DS and myself having D&V. I wasn't quite as bad as them, so took the 'leading' role.

I also had my DS with me alone until I went into hospital to have DD and was 9cm dilated!!!

HE'S GOT A BLOODY COLD (maybe)!!!

He will never feel bad after the fact, so never give in.
You are talking about a man who is so unwilling to look after his own children for not even a whole day, just drop off and pick up so you can have a day out That he feigns sickness to get out of parenting. This type of person is selfish and they never feel bad about getting their own way.

Tbh I'd be thinking about ways to make him more responsible for daily care of the children, you didn't have them alone.

I think you need to, when he pulls this stunt again (which he will), just stick with it. Go out.
He will have to get on with it. Mothers have been doing it for generations. Women are not intrinsically better at looking after kids than men, we are just societally trained to accept bucketloads of shit and to carry on.

stop accepting this behaviour. He won’t not pick the kids up. He won’t not feed them. If he does, that is on him.

That's awful of him and very manipulative. I realise it's unhelpful but I'd be so tempted tomorrow to say "I have what you had yesterday I cant get up". Then stay in bed all day.

He’s a selfish dickhead. I remember having sickness bug and throwing up in bathroom sat on the floor inbetween breastfeeding baby. Pathetic behaviour. I also manage school drop off and pick up with a broken wrist (admittedly I didn’t realise it was broken big bloody hurt). I just walked instead of driving as hurt so much. Enjoy your next day out!

I also agree sabotage. You need to plan a back up plan. BUt please only when it is your special nights out, rather than day to day routine. So the minute your children's father is not able to cope any more with the idea of parenting you produce the babysitter. So you get to go out, at whatever cost and he pays. Please prioritise your nights out.

@stayflufft

I’m booking a day out with friends for a few weeks time and this time I won’t be cancelling!

Hold yourself to this promise OP and don't let him manipulate you. He really doesn't sound supportive or part of your team... 🌹

Dressing gown of Death involved?

LTB

seriously though, his behaviour isn’t on - sympathies

Ewwww nothing more unattractive than an adult who wants to be babied when 'ill'

My husband does this;the first hint of anything that could be illness results in him shuffling around the house hunched over,t-Rex arm movements,some dramatic shuddering like he's dying of plague and lots of sighing hoping to elicit sympathy/being asked if he's okay.

The only thing this leads to is my vagina slamming itself shut and me ignoring him whilst getting on with my normal routine.

He's clearly done it deliberately , don't cave next time.