To be pissed off and infuriated with DP this morning?

[OneLittleFinger]

Having a particularly tough week at work this week. It's only the one week, but I know I'm going to be stuck in a room with non-stop screaming kids for 8 hours.

Last night I cooked dinner. Thai curry for us and pesto pasta for dd. I'm fed up with pasta and so went to the effort of making p8a curry, with leftovers of both so all I have to do is throw it in bowls tonight and m8crowave. I left then out for dp to choose what he wanted last night.

Wake up this morning to find it all thrown in one pot, making the whole thing inedible. I am crying. Am shattered and have a long day ahead and know I'm going to have to think about dinner. As usual. Whilst he's hungover in bed, won't emerge til half 8 and as soon as work is over will start drinking again with his mates, whilst I have to entertain dd until she goes to bed and won't be able to.relax until probably 9 tonight, if not later.

(Yes, I know the answer to the question is "Because he was drunk," it was rhetorical. He's don't manynshitty things whilst in such a state but this is the hair that broke the camel's back.)

I think you need to seriously think about staying with him. You and your daughter are living a shitty life with him.

And your child is living with an alcoholic of a useless father, why ?

WTF?

No - the thing to do tonight is for the OP to make herself something easy. Whatever she regards as easy - takeaway, ready meal, Pot Noodle, cheest on toast - anything that she fancies but which takes no effort.

If he wants something to eat, he will have to sort it out himself.

The drinking is the real problem, though, and I think you'd be better off LTB for that reason alone.

@Chunt irony..

What?shes right.

OP, you have bigger fish to fry than the dinner. You are worth better than this man.

I meant @pillsthrillsandbellyache was being ironic. I assume anyway.

Who knows? It didn't sound ironic to me - but the advice stands either way.

Realistically @Chunt what is the OP going to do? She chooses to stay with such a man, who drinks and sounds generally shit. Your advice was fab but wasted. Another child growing up in a house where mum is on her knees and dad's living his best life. I'm tired of it. So yeah, she needs to get her head down and crack on. This is how it is. If my post pisses her off then she can redirect her anger to the person who's supposed to enhance her life not hinder it.

@pillsthrillsandbellyache Seen in that context, you are probably right (unfortunately). It's easy to give good advice, but what happens in real life most of the time is that women (as it's mostly women) find ways to keep the cart on the rails until the cart finally tips over. But a bit of light alcoholism isn't enough to tip the cart over (even though it probably should be). So in fact, I agree with you that this is probably the best RL advice for a shit situation.

Yes @Chunt and the more I see the more I think its the woman's need to be in a relationship, any relationship, that makes them put up with shit. It's not for the kids is it? Cos this little girl will grow up and end up with someone just like her dad and so the cycle continues of women taking everything on and expecting nothing from men. The best thing for this little girls future is for her to see mum saying no more and flourishing away from this dickhead. Dramatic? Yes, but I'm sick of seeing the same thread over and over again. Women have agency. We need to use it.

Why exactly is this your problem?

I wish you were not right, but I think you are.

This same thread keeps appearing on MN over and over again. It's always in slightly different clothes - but it amounts to: "I am in a relationship with someone who's completely shit, and my children are suffering, but I'm going to carry on anyway, so please advise me how to carry on until it's so appalling that I have no choice but to leave".

There are rather a lot of threads with this sad underlying message at the minute

His drinking and being with his mates instead of being a father and looking after dd and making her food are the issues.
it sounds like you’re better off without him. I wouldn’t stand for that behaviour.

Its all very well for people to pile in with the 'leave him' advice but where exactly is she supposed to go?
There is a chronic shortage of rental properties with ever increasing rents...little to no social housing...if op and her husband jointly own then she cannot get him to leave the property....maybe op would rather stay with her drinking dh than face poverty in some shitty rental.

It's not always so easy to leave, but agree drinking on a week night like that is not OK and something needs to change.

Op, will he get violent if you don't leave dinner for him? If not, leave him the pasta and curry mix he so thoughtfully put together last night. You and dd have a pizza and watch a movie. Pick something age appropriate but that you would also enjoy so you get to relax.

What a shame you didn't serve him that disgusting mess cold for breakfast while he s got a rotten hangover.

It's not your problem what he gets for dinner. You and dd get a takeaway and give him an ultimatum, no more drinking on a school night, pull his weight with childcare or get lost.

leave him the leftover.

Get a take-away or, cheaper, a ready-meal for your and your DD.

I'd treat myself and dd to a meal out somewhere nice

He has the leftovers. Stick it in the microwave and take his credit card whilst he is drunk and order you and dd a take out