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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off and infuriated with DP this morning?

70 replies

OneLittleFinger · 12/07/2023 07:10

Having a particularly tough week at work this week. It's only the one week, but I know I'm going to be stuck in a room with non-stop screaming kids for 8 hours.

Last night I cooked dinner. Thai curry for us and pesto pasta for dd. I'm fed up with pasta and so went to the effort of making p8a curry, with leftovers of both so all I have to do is throw it in bowls tonight and m8crowave. I left then out for dp to choose what he wanted last night.

Wake up this morning to find it all thrown in one pot, making the whole thing inedible. I am crying. Am shattered and have a long day ahead and know I'm going to have to think about dinner. As usual. Whilst he's hungover in bed, won't emerge til half 8 and as soon as work is over will start drinking again with his mates, whilst I have to entertain dd until she goes to bed and won't be able to.relax until probably 9 tonight, if not later.

(Yes, I know the answer to the question is "Because he was drunk," it was rhetorical. He's don't manynshitty things whilst in such a state but this is the hair that broke the camel's back.)

OP posts:
LadyGaGasPokerFace · 12/07/2023 07:46

This must be dragging you down. It’s not the fact you’re working and doing the parenting and daily drudge, you’re carrying this fucker. He needs to go.

SleeplessinScarbourough · 12/07/2023 07:46

He can do his own tea. Better yet he can eat that mess he created

WTFAreYouForReal · 12/07/2023 07:51

Leave him, it won't change, he'll only get worse.

Tinkerbyebye · 12/07/2023 08:10

So buy a ready meal for you and dd and he can eat what he put together

then think about your future with him

babbscrabbs · 12/07/2023 08:13

Tinkerbyebye · 12/07/2023 08:10

So buy a ready meal for you and dd and he can eat what he put together

then think about your future with him

This

He sounds awful

DinoSaw · 12/07/2023 08:37

Serve him the mixed together food he chucked in one bowl. Give yourself a break. Get a takeaway.

once you’re less shattered you can work on improving your situation

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 12/07/2023 08:39

Please tell me you are planning on leaving him. It is not healthy for children to live with alcoholics

Always4Brenner · 12/07/2023 08:42

Get rid and as soon as hopefully your home if so pack his situation kick him out, he’ll never change.

burntshortbread · 12/07/2023 08:43

My dad was an alcoholic.
I wish my mum had left him.
My life would have been so different.
Being the child of an alcoholic means living in constant fear.

AgentJohnson · 12/07/2023 08:43

You set two bowls out so he could choose? You need to work out why you are prioritising this twat. I wouldn’t set out two bowls of food for DD to choose from and I gave birth to her. Stop waiting for this twat you enable to be someone different, he won’t.

Muu · 12/07/2023 09:14

Have toast tonight and let him sort himself out

Mumtothreegirlies · 12/07/2023 09:19

Where does he get the time to go out drinking with his mates midweek? Doesn’t he have work to go to?
yuck what an unattractive man.

JonahAndTheSnail · 12/07/2023 09:22

What a prat! Did he actually fully mix both meals together or were they chucked in side by side? Wondering if it's possible to salvage enough to feed you and DD, he can sort out his own meals.

Sunnydaysarentagiveneveninjuly · 12/07/2023 09:23

Serve him the mixed dish. Get yourself and dd something nice...
Ime a piss head dh just gets worse...

KirstyL91 · 12/07/2023 09:33

What on earth are you doing with this man?

FlipFlop1987 · 12/07/2023 09:38

It sounded at first like you had made pasta for your DD and then you and your partner sat down to a nice thai curry together after a long day at work. But no, he’s gone out on the piss straight from work whilst you do everything at home. Working with young children is hard and he’s having an easy life.
There’s something wrong when a parter and father puts a night out with his mates ahead of his family, especially night after night during the week. Definitely do not put up with it any longer!!

Soverymuchfruit · 12/07/2023 10:08

I totally agree it's really rude and disappointing and annoying. But is the mixed up food actually that bad? I'd eat that combination. And he probably didn't stir it -- can you get more or less the two separate dishes back out again? Can you try to try it with an open mind before you chuck it and make something else? Tell DD that it's funny and she might go for it. (You might even get her onto Thai curry, which would surely be a win).

Agree with the other points people have made about his drinking and not partnering.

Acornsoup · 12/07/2023 10:16

If he does this kind of thing regularly or deliberately then yes I would be fuming. This along with the drink related comments makes me thing it is the tip of the iceberg and something you feel like you can challenge him on? If he's really this shit OP please consider if you want to do exactly this for the rest of your life. He's not going to change.

Familycourtdrama · 12/07/2023 10:17

Order yourself and DD a domino's and he can go fuck himself the prick.

idliketogetdownnow · 12/07/2023 14:25

He needs to buy a takeaway for you tonight.

Longer term, when you have capacity to deal with it, his behaviour needs addressing.

SBHon · 12/07/2023 14:32

know I'm going to have to think about dinner. As usual. Whilst he's hungover in bed, won't emerge til half 8 and as soon as work is over will start drinking again with his mates, whilst I have to entertain dd until she goes to bed and won't be able to.relax until probably 9 tonight, if not later.
Wtf? Is this your status quo?

potentialmediator · 12/07/2023 15:04

Agree with PP's. If you're knackered this week treat yourself to an easy meal (with nothing for him) and make plans to address his behaviour.
You need to put down your boundaries and hold him to account.
I understand all too well how knackering it is finding the energy for managing him when you do everything else, but he won't come close to stopping this shitty behaviour if he carries on with his lie-ins consequence free.

Keroppi · 12/07/2023 15:13

Obviously you get an UberEats/ready meal for tonight for you and your dd and leave him to it. You should go out for a break before he gets to go out, why should he be drinking two nights in a row and not doing any childcare?

IbitebecauseIwantto · 12/07/2023 15:21

He sounds great. You should definitely stay with him for oh what, another 50 years or so! Things will only get better.

CurlewKate · 12/07/2023 15:25

You and dd have a takeaway or a ready meal. He can have the curry/pasta fusion. He made it, after all....