To ask for your examples of when you've wrongly judged a situation or person

[SundanceSeagull]

This happens to me a lot. I make judgements and form opinions about things I know nothing about, only to realise later down the line what a nob I've been.

I'm ashamed to say that one of those things was public breastfeeding. I always thought I was a supporter of it, but would say things like 'you can easily be more discreet' and 'why can't women use muslins and covers ' etc etc. I know, I know. Stupid and awful. Now I'm breastfeeding my first DC I realise what an absolute boob I was (pun intended). I've not got the time, inclination or energy to make sure I'm wearing discrete clothing or to suffocate him with a muslin. If he's hungry, he's going to be fed, bottom line. I won't deliberately parade my boobs about, but I won't go out of my way to hide in a corner. Oh what a fool I was to think otherwise.

What are some things you formed an opinion about only to find down the line you had it so wrong?

I once was walking behind a local beggar following an old woman with her shopping trolley, he started talking to her and then they stopped and he started going through her handbag. I stopped and asked if she knew him and she said yes he's my grandson mortified but genuinely thought he was up to no good!

Before kids, seeing a screaming baby, I used to wonder why the mother wouldn’t sort him/her out.

Post having children, I have every sympathy with the mother who is probably sleep deprived, coming to terms with everything a young baby needs, hormonal and probably just wants a break.

As I get older I’ve come to realise that people being ‘rude’ in public to me, kids or whomever - even the nutty ones who might yell- are dealing with something and it really is them, not the person they’re over-reacting to.
MH issues, or stress or have something on their mind.
I hope I can get my kids to realise now that it’s rarely them, save them a lot of time worrying when they’re older!

Pre-motherhood, I used to secretly judge parents who gave their children snacks in synagogue. Now I show up with a bagful.

Not me but a friend.
Her DC was in hospital and another child - about 2 - had a birthday and the whole family rocked up with cake, helium balloons, lots of fussing etc - you get the picture. She thought it was a bit OTT at the time. Subsequently found that the child was going to be operated on later in the day to have her eyes removed due to cancer.
No words

I moved to another country for a new job and there was a guy in my training job who was quite outwardly loud and cocky. I decided to just steer clear before getting to know them.

As it turned out we were placed in the same workplace a little while after. I didn't drive and he offered for me to car-share with him; he would also drop me home everyday. He didn't even ask for petrol money. He also let me join his group of friends for nights and I had lots of fun.

Great bloke!

That just put a lump in my throat.

I'm currently in hospital with my baby and started this thread to pass the time. This has hit me so hard. A really, really good reminder to all of us to never judge. I judge way too often, and I'm usually wrong. I need to stop being a twat and always remember everyone's got something going on.

Working a minimum wage supermarket job, really toxic place where everyone knew everyone's business and management encouraged it, if someone called in sick all staff would know what was wrong with them, people would then speculate if they were 'really' sick etc etc

A young girl started and called in sick in her first week, management made sure everyone was outraged, her reason was she felt exhausted que people saying 'I have 3 kids and I make it to work!' 'I work 12 hours 7 days and I can't have a day off for exhaustion' etc and she was labelled lazy, when she came back people were cold towards her.

She had 2 more periods of sick leave over 8 weeks and then just never returned, turns out she was diagnosed with cancer and obviously didn't want to tell work after they had treat her so appallingly, she was 18.

I was on mat leave at the time so didn't join in but I'm ashamed to say I likely would have if I was at work during the time. Thankfully I left.

Not me but my son. We were waiting for him to have an X ray. The old man next to him was staring at his long hair, ripped jeans and heavy metal tshirts with a look of utter disdain on his face. When my boy was called in he turned to the man and asked if he’d like to go first. It’s one of my proudest mum face moments.

I'll fess up.

When I was teens/20s and forming my opinion about feminism, I was very much judged Stay At Home Mothers. .

It was a un-feminist choice to be a SAHM.and they were letting women down I know, I know
I have 100% U-turned my opinion

Outing so name changed - SIL hasn't worked as long as i've known her ( so since i've known my DH) - carer for her OH, plus suffers from agoraphobia and MH issues, and i'm ashamed to say i tagged her with the usual labels.

Well turns out she was a really hard worker, worked in hospitality for years plus did markets on the side. Then her OH started undermining her, saying she wasn't capable of doing a job, and had never achieve anything.

He told her he reported her missing to the police when she went for a walk and they were looking for her, tried to get her sectioned by telling police she was suicidal when she went for a walk to get some head space from him. If there were sirens outside he told her they were coming for her as she 'wasn't well'.

I now know he was controlling her and using gas-lighting and cohercive behaviour so she wouldn't leave the house. I'm not surprised shes scared to go out and doesn't believe in her own abilities.

And i've learnt a lesson about not judging!!

I took a bit of a dislike to a fellow volunteer I didn't really know when she made a couple of comments that seemed a bit 'entitled'. Now I've worked with her directly, she's lovely with a heart of gold.

Mine might sound a bit daft, but used to work with a chap who people used to write off as a bit of a weirdo. Basically he doesn’t take social cues as to when to end a conversation and is one of those people who books a meeting with you when a quick email would accomplish the same. It became a bit of a running joke in the office that he would always come to me because I would always do what he needed whereas other people would make excuses to be somewhere else. I’m not saying I was a saint by any means, I also used to roll my eyes afterwards and fall in with the ‘silly old Phil’ narrative. Then there was a time when he and his wife went on holiday and someone else in the office who lived near to him agreed to feed his cat. The cat sadly died during those two weeks. My colleague was turning herself inside out when thinking about how to break the news - she waited until he was back as there was nothing that could be done in the meantime - and his response was so touching and decent. He said: “Oh I’m so sorry this happened, she had a good life, it was nothing to do with you and I’m very grateful you agreed to take care of her. Why don’t you come around for dinner tonight as we’d like to say thank you for everything you did.” He felt bad for her, and pushed his upset to the side to make sure she wasn’t blaming herself and that nothing would be weird in the office as a result. I felt so bad for ever having said “Silly old Phil” - while he might have his moments, he’s a very authentic and thoughtful man. Whenever I am tempted to judge someone who on the outside appears a bit weird I remind myself of that situation.

One the other way - I thought that as I wasn't interested in DP when he was pissed (crap sex then), no one else would be either, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt when it looked like he'd had a one night stand. They went on to have a full on affair...meeting up during his drinking with mates nights.

I once worked with a lady who was very 'a spade is a spade' type
I thought she was hard faced,nasty and rude
Turns our,once I got to know her,she was the sweetest lady I've ever met
Shed been a prison officer (which explained the hard faced 'spade is a spade' attitude) and was only working there as she'd lost her husband and had no kids due to the fact they couldn't have them
She died a few years ago and I bitterly regret my judging of her

Kids with screens in supermarkets/restaurants. I judged before being heavily involved in a child with autism’s life. Now I don’t bat an eyelid. I understand how it can help to regulate, and also, shopping is bloody boring for a kid.

I used to get really annoyed with old people cutting in line in the supermarket. Now I realise that they may be less able to stand and may be tired 😫

Two years ago, I walked into a boxing class that my friend recommended.

I judged the coach instantly (21, part-time model, skin fade, designer gear, flash car) as a bit of a fly-by-night wide boy, chain-smoking, ring-tone fanatic who wouldn't be particularly invested in the class, who was probably just there for a bit of money, and would probably be secretly laughing at us middle-aged women.

He turned out to be genuinely one of the nicest, most caring, most inspiring people I've ever met. His classes changed my life completely in all kinds of ways. Two years on, we now do twice-weekly PT sessions and I'm building (confidence and abilities) towards a charity boxing match.

I once bought my DS, then 3, a pair of shoes in a mall in a rough part of our town. When I had paid, I noticed a gang of teenagers close to us who seemed really menacing to me. So while I checked if my phone and purse were safe, my son just marched up to them and said "Mummy bought me new shoes!". And they were so kind, really cooing over him, saying things like "what a nice mum you have" and "I'm sure you are proud, really cool shoes!"
It really made me think about quick judgements!

When my first marriage was breaking down, the parents of a girl in my oldest daughter's class at school were also separating. I talked to the dad from time to time outside school. He was an educated chap, had a responsible job, and seemed quite cut up about his wife having ended the marriage. "What a nice man, maybe when we're both respectably divorced I'll see if he'd be interested ... " I thought.

Fast forward a year or so, and he was in the local news for having been convicted of GBH. He'd battered his new partner in a drunken rage.

Before I had my own children I used to silently judge anyone else who had a screaming baby/young child.

After mine were born I soon stopped that and mended the error of my ways. Whenever I heard someone else's child crying I began to feel a mixture of sympathy for the parents and also relief that the screecher was not my own child (who was of course totally capable of it).

On another subject, my mother admits that she used to heavily judge people who she saw buying lots of convenience food and ready meals in the supermarket. She now realises how wrong she probably was in many cases. Osteoporosis and arthritis plus COPD have greatly reduced her ability to create these things for herself and she is reliant on her carers to get her meals ready but their time is limited of course. So now when we are in the supermarket she buys a lot of the convenience food herself that she used to judge others for.

All just goes to show that we should never judge.

Lots of people laugh and judge my neighbour as they’ve had their Christmas Lights up (outside and around their windows) for the past 5 years. People always comment to me and take the piss.

However, I know she was given a terminal diagnosis early that first December and was told she should celebrate that Christmas as it would probably be her last.

She’s still here, the lights are still up and I know that the day they don’t come on, exactly what that means

Honestly (and I won’t deep dive as I don’t want to be accused of the person who makes everything ‘political’), the feminist movement which I judged so negatively. Radical not liberal obviously. There were things I had opinions about that were completely delusional. I genuinely believed we lived in a world where things were becoming much easier for women. Behaved like a total Pick Me. Was very rude to some knowledgeable, wiser women on here a few years back (and wish I could apologise now).

Oh I love this. What a reason to celebrate