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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider not sending my child to nursery?

39 replies

Lia234 · 11/07/2023 12:48

Looking for opinions as i'm very torn on this...

I have my LO's name down for starting nursery the September after they turn 2 but it's so expensive for just 2 days (there doesn't seem to be an option to do any less) and we have free options available to us.

LO is sociable and there are no concerns around development, we go to groups on the 2 days i'm off and they go to Grandparents when i'm working and have some play dates. Lots of children in our friendship groups and wider family although all a little bit older or younger. I know they'd like nursery - lit up when we went to visit one last week but again it's so expensive!

I'll look for a school nursery place for when they're 3 as believe these are much cheaper with any top up than a private nursery. We have their name down for a Forest School and if they get a place I believe this would be completely free for 30 hours as they don't charge any form of top up (no big building to run!). With top up fees a the price barely goes down when the 30 'free' hours comes in at 3 in the private nurseries.

My main worry is I'd love them to make some friends their own age and I worry not sending them could impact socially. Has anybody found this? Any experiences or advice appreciated.

OP posts:
givemushypeasachance · 11/07/2023 12:57

Two year olds don't make friends, that is still at the age where they play next to other children rather than with them! Parents usually send their child to nursery for childcare reasons, not to socialise them and build life long friendships. If you don't need to send them for childcare, it's not compulsory to. Particularly if you're intending for them to attend a provision when they're three, more than enough time to get used to group settings and prepare for school. Equally, if you want some free time, can afford it, and think they will benefit from spending time in the care of other people and getting a bit more exposure to things like nursery routines and seeing the older children as examples to model, carry on!

Bamaluz · 11/07/2023 12:58

The main reason for a two year old to be in nursery is for childcare if you're working, otherwise waiting until they are three and eligible for free school nursery is absolutely fine.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/07/2023 13:29

I'd wait till the funding kicks in

Quisto · 11/07/2023 13:38

I took my 2 Yr old to a couple of toddler groups, regularly, where I met parents with other 2 Yr olds. They all went to the school nursery at 3, so knew each other and were happy to go. I don't think any of us considered that our children had missed out.

VivaVivaa · 11/07/2023 13:43

Which days would nursery be replacing? Assuming it’s not the 2 days you have with him, I’d cling on to your free grandparent days for as long as they are happy to carry on doing so much. Seems like a waste of money otherwise as fundamentally nursery is childcare - I think DS gets as much ‘socialising’ on the days he has with me/DH as he does in nursery.

Original poster
Lia234 · 11/07/2023 13:44

Thanks, it's only recently as he's so interested in other children I'd been worried about making him wait that extra year. I could go to a lot of toddler groups for a fraction of the price of nursery!

OP posts:
Leah5678 · 11/07/2023 13:44

Do you not get 15 hours free? I remember when my son was 2 the first 15 hours were free, that was 3 years ago though so not sure if things have changed

Thesearmsofmine · 11/07/2023 13:45

A two year old doesn’t need to be in nursery. If they are out and about doing normal daily things which it sounds like they are then that is just as beneficial(if not more) then a nursery setting. They don’t really make friends at that age either, it comes later.

Original poster
Lia234 · 11/07/2023 13:50

@VivaVivaa he would go to nursery for 2 days, 1 day with each set of Grandparents and 1 day with me (I would change my work hours around a bit). Both Grandparents still want him for a day. I would hope to be on maternity leave for some of the year before he'd get 30 free hours but trying to factor all the costs in as to when we can afford to ttc!

OP posts:
Seeline · 11/07/2023 13:51

They don't need to go to nursery.
As long as they are getting a full range of experiences, including time with other children, they will be fine.
Mine did lots of toddler groups, a couple of classes, the library, church etc.
They both went to the school nursery, mornings only for the year before starting reception and they were absolutely fine.
It can be pretty relentless for you though, so if you have family willing to step in for the odd morning that's great.

Original poster
Lia234 · 11/07/2023 13:52

@Leah5678 sadly not eligible for them until he's 3

OP posts:
TallulahBetty · 11/07/2023 13:52

They don't have to go at all. You don't even have to use the free hours at 3. He will be fine starting school at 4

Dontcallmescarface · 11/07/2023 14:44

Mine never went to nursery. No free funding back then and I couldn't afford it so she just had a few hours a week at a childminders (cheaper), and went straight into reception class.

Epicstorm · 11/07/2023 14:59

I’m a teacher and one time day nursery owner . I did exactly what you are doing and made sure my DS had lots of opportunities to be with other children especially as he was an only child. Toddler groups, family and friends children etc. When he was old enough to qualify for a school place he went to school nursery five half days a week. He went to school able to operate independently. He’s now grown up and is a very sociable person with oodles of friends. I wouldn’t pay for daycare if you don’t need to.

Mindymomo · 11/07/2023 15:04

My 2 sons only went at aged 3 and then only 2 half days, they didn’t particularly like going so I never increased the days. My MIL looked after them on the 2 days I worked, which they loved.

OrangeSlices998 · 11/07/2023 15:06

YANBU, if you have willing and interested grandparents who are wanting to provide free childcare. Lots of people don’t have that, so nursery or some childcare is necessary. A 2 year old doesn’t need to go in for socialising, especially as you say you’re both out and about. Nursery can be good for when they’re 3 if you need wraparound care (lots of school nurseries near me don’t offer anything outside 9-3 which wouldn’t suit for work).

Cuwins · 11/07/2023 15:16

My DD is 17m and unless something changes dramatically she won't be going to any setting until she is atleast 3 when she might go to a playgroup.
We are in the lucky position to not need it for childcare- she is either with her dad or her grandparents when I work PT. So I don't see the need. We go to forest school together 1 morning a week, swimming another day and have 1 play date a week most weeks. Maybe adding a parent and toddler group come Sept too.

CaptainMyCaptain · 11/07/2023 15:19

Waiting for school nursery class which is free is fine. It helps to have this year to socialise and get used to being in a different setting where they are part of a larger group before full time school. Settling in to Reception is harder when they haven't had this experience (but not impossible). I am a retired Early Years teacher who has worked in a Nursery Class and Reception.

Reugny · 11/07/2023 15:19

OP If your son is used to playing with children who are different ages then a nursery where children are segregated by age won't suit him.

My DD goes to a childminder PT which she has been going to PT since she was just shy of 10 months. She has never been bored of going there simply because not all the children she mixes with are the same age as her - some are older and some are younger. There as at nursery she is segregated by age a lot more simply as they have to get her and others school ready, and she doesn't like it as much.

BTW before she went to nursery my DP looked after her.

Mumtothreegirlies · 11/07/2023 15:22

What was your reason for sending her in the first place?
because I thought nursery at that age was for work purposes?

Original poster
Lia234 · 11/07/2023 15:36

@Mumtothreegirlies our siblings on both sides are ttc so we thought there may be more grandchildren by this time and didn't want Grandparents to feel like they had to look after them all at once! One Grandparent in particular would never tell us it was too much - the otherside would haha.

OP posts:
curlywurlylover666 · 11/07/2023 16:36

I'd say if you have free childcare and don't need a nursery I'd say don't use one. Enrich their young life with love and care with family members and don't worry about 2 year olds making friends, they don't!!! I don't get the whole preparing them for reception argument either, let them be babies and manage reception when they get to it.

2mummies1baby · 11/07/2023 16:37

My niece didn't go to nursery until she was 3.5 and she is the most sociable child I have ever met! Definitely don't worry, OP!

Dacadactyl · 11/07/2023 16:41

I was a SAHM so neither of my kids ever went near a nursery. I was at every playgroup going and we made friends that way. The kids are now teens/tweens and they're outgoing and popular.

I wouldn't put a small child in a nursery unless I had to tbh.

TakeMe2Insanity · 11/07/2023 16:43

Have you got a group of children he can meet up with if he doesn’t go to nursery or regular playgroups. Due to where I live I found that the children pretty much disappeared as all the mums went back to work and the classes didn’t extend to my child’s age. I had to travel more, be more inventive to find other children.