To consider not sending my child to nursery?

[Lia234]

Looking for opinions as i'm very torn on this...

I have my LO's name down for starting nursery the September after they turn 2 but it's so expensive for just 2 days (there doesn't seem to be an option to do any less) and we have free options available to us.

LO is sociable and there are no concerns around development, we go to groups on the 2 days i'm off and they go to Grandparents when i'm working and have some play dates. Lots of children in our friendship groups and wider family although all a little bit older or younger. I know they'd like nursery - lit up when we went to visit one last week but again it's so expensive!

I'll look for a school nursery place for when they're 3 as believe these are much cheaper with any top up than a private nursery. We have their name down for a Forest School and if they get a place I believe this would be completely free for 30 hours as they don't charge any form of top up (no big building to run!). With top up fees a the price barely goes down when the 30 'free' hours comes in at 3 in the private nurseries.

My main worry is I'd love them to make some friends their own age and I worry not sending them could impact socially. Has anybody found this? Any experiences or advice appreciated.

My children didn't go to nursery at all. If you don't need it for childcare or to preserve your sanity and don't want to then don't. Their lives get structured soon enough. There are plenty of play groups and so on where they can meet other children and experience new things. It's also absolutely fine if they do go for the aforementioned childcare or parental sanity preservation reasons!

For both my children's year groups, the kids who were the most ready for school, sociable and well behaved came from the school nurseries, mostly only starting aged 3.

Your DS is so lucky to be surrounded by lots of people who can care for him, there is nothing he's missing out on, enjoy your time with him.

Not at all. Nothing wrong with sending them, but it really isn't necessary!

I've worked in early years for 15ish years so I'm definitely not against paid childcare, but it isn't money you should spend if you don't need or particularly want to!

My older DD was in nursery from 2y 4m, and my younger one will go to nursery from the same age (slightly older as it will be in the Sep after they're 2). I think it was the best thing for them, DD was a lockdown toddler so her cohort is always said to be behind and struggling yet she has thrived and has had a brilliant first year at school. I think that's down to a solid 2 years of nursery before reception. After all, the govt will fund free hours for 2 year olds from certain families because evidence has shown that it's the best opportunity for dc of that age. They can't afford to fund it for everyone, but if you can afford it, they will definitely benefit and learn amazing independence skills away from you, which they won't get from accompanied classes where you are still there.

The two year old funding is not because it’s the best thing of children that age in general and it isn’t simply given to poorer families because the government can’t afford it for all. It is a scheme targeted at the most disadvantaged children to bring their development up to speed with their peers by school age.
Nursery can be great if needed but no better for a two year old than being cared for by family members who will take them out and about.

Save your money and purchase an annual pass for a local zoo or adventure playground place. It sounds like you have covered all social avenues already with playgroup and playdates. You say they will go next year too.

However, before you reject the idea totally I would check with any grandparent or whoever your "free options" are for childcare. They might feel like they have paid their dues with regular childcare and want to have a bit of their week back by now.

Wait until they are 3

Thanks everyone! Grandparents are happy for now at least, we've had recent chats about it.

I'm leaning towards not sending him until he's 3, I love spending time with him and would much prefer to spend the money on a couple of groups and a pass for somewhere. DP has however just said he thinks we should send him if we're planning to ttc so he's settled and I 'keep sane'. I'm not too worried about the 1 to 2 transition - think i'd figure it out and it would only be a cross over of a few months (if any at all) so he may be projecting a bit!

@Lia234 what I found helpful for both my kids was getting them into a local "playgroup".

Mine did 2 mornings a week in the term or 2 before they started at the school nursery.

It ran from 9.30am - 12 noon everyday (if I remember rightly) and parents didn't stay with the kids after a couple of initial settling in sessions.

By that age, I found there was no upset and they understood I'd be coming back for them. But I thought it was important for them to get used to being away from me in more of a school type setting, so that they were prepared for doing mornings at nursery.

He will be fine. Frankly being with people who love him is preferable at 2 and children do pick up a lot of bugs at nursery which he may get eventually but may cope with better in a year or two.

Sounds like you're making sure they are socialised etc already. I wouldn't worry about it. Let them go when turn 3 and the get the free hours.

This is a bit old and you probably already made your choice but wanted to comment in case it helps anyone else.

I went to a nursery as a child and remember not being that happy. I did make friends and learned a lot but distinctly remember really wanting to be with my family. I have a large extended family and got a lot of love from them. I have done very well in life academically but do think emotionally it took me a while to feel secure after so much separation at a young age.

My children have not gone to nursery at all or had any daycare ever, only care by family members (parents and grandparents). They are still young (5 and under) and what I notice about them in relation to other children might be helpful. They do have active social lives in groups, hobbies etc though. Also, totally anecdotal of course.

So I would say cons of no daycare/nursery:

My children seem a bit unsure in big groups. They are not quite sure what to do eg when other children act aggressively. This doesn't seem to cause them trouble as such, they don't seem to get bullied, but I wonder if it will be an issue in school later on.

They have less "friends/acquiantances" probably than the kids in big groups, however they are quite loyal to those friends

I get fed up with them at times and need my own space and they have to invent their own games. It is hard being with your children all day.

Main con is costant judgement by others but that bothers me, not my children.

Pros that I've noticed:

My children excell academically easily over children in nurseries, probably because we read and do lots of crafts and go out to children's museums and nature all the time. They get lots of one on one attention.

My children have exceptionally long attention spans and tend to be the best behaved and pay attention the most eg at library story time. Probably again because of less noise and distraction at home so they get used to really focusing on what they do and because of the one on one support. Also they don't have to worry about being left by me.

Surprisingly, they are also very independent. When I take them to hobbies, they will run off without a backwards glance. They probably crave this more because I have not needed to push independence.

They are very confident. I have heard them be shouted at by much bigger children in a football game and they were not scared in the slightest, just responded firmly and maturely. I assume this is learning interaction from adults who model this (which you can also get from a good caregiver for sure).

They are also very friendly to other children, probably because they don't feel threatened by them much. If another child is aggressive with them, I can usually help them navigate the situation. In a nursery the staff child ratios make this harder

So overall I have found not using nursery until school age really beneficial but we are extremely lucky to have the money to (just about) afford this. I also do A LOT with my children, which I enjoy and we have safe parks nearby.

If you don't have the ability to do that much or need time off, I think a good nursery is fine and not "detrimental" like some would say. But don't feel you HAVE to use one.

We have similar here. DD will go to nursery when she's eligible for funding (age 3) as it'll be free. She gets taken to all sorts of play groups and activities when she's with her grandparents so gets plenty of stimulation and social time. To me there's no point spending big bucks on nursery when you have other options

It's become more common for a child to go to a private nursery when under 3 (the age when free, part time nurseries historically kicked in) simply because more women work or work full time due to economic necessity/ choice. That doesn't mean it's necessarily good for the child and certainly not better than being cared for by loving parents, grandparents etc. At 2 children only play alongside each other, they don't really make friends.

The drive for nursery places for very young children is for two reasons - one economic and the other to provide a better start for children from families where parenting is poor for whatever reason (the ones where social workers and teachers would be concerned).

Your child doesn't NEED to go. Sounds like he has plenty of opportunity to mix with others and enjoy a range of activities.

I sent my eldest to nursery at 2 for two days as I needed the childcare. It was OK but at the time I'd rather she didn't have that experience.