Please help with my addiction it is too much now

[meowed]

I am always on my phone. I’m a lone parent and have constant low level anxiety. I find myself scrolling for literally hours, 7-11pm just to avoid my thoughts after dc is in bed. I’m not really reading things properly on it! Even when he’s awake in the day I will have it glued to my hand, checking banking, texts, social media. I’m not really doing anything on it, it’s literally compulsive.

I’ve tried switching it off but then I have anxiety that I’m not contactable for family. My parents won’t accept me saying my phone will be off, they’d forget and then worry if I didn’t respond for a day.

I just want to cut back. It’s averaging a horrific number of hours a day. I feel so much better when I’ve had even fifteen minutes away from it. I feel so sad I can’t control it, anyone had this? What to do?

It has become normal.
That's not a good thing though.
I am also addicted to my phone

Any links to good 'dumb' phones?
Tempted to leave this at home and use it more like an iPad

I can completely empathise. Even now I’m scrolling on MN and could easily waste hours on it and other stuff. My phone is rarely out of my hand. I do put it down in a ‘for gods sake put that bloody thing down’ kind of a way but it’s not long before I’m picking it up again! I used to love reading books but don’t have the focus anymore. It really started to get worse because whenever I did put it down and do something else I would come back to it to find I’d missed an important call or a text from one of my kids or someone else I was annoyed at missing and I’d be frustrated that it happened when I wasn’t aware so I started carrying it everywhere in the house etc and the use snowballed. I have taken up gardening (in a non skilful way) and I totally forget about my phone then (but do have it in the garden so I don’t miss calls but at least I’m not scrolling).

@meowed

What do you mean your parents won't accept you telling them your phone will be off?

You're an adult so what they say about your availability shouldn't come into consideration. Unless your anxiety stems from them?

I wouldn't worry about it too much but just try and do as many other things not involving your phone as possible.

I feel you OP.

I get REALLY sucked into mine. For me it's just boredom.

But I've just got back from a 2-week holiday, where I didn't have much internet access. And apart for a quick 15 minutes here and there to post some photos, I didn't think about it! I read 4 books, and my brain just felt calmer.

Every so often, I do a "phone free weekend", where I leave my phone in my bedroom. I live in a flat, so with the doors open, I'd hear it if it rang or if I got a text. But not having it within arms reach all time really helps cut down my consumption.

Turn your phone to gray-scale - it's amazing how much it reduces the impulse to scroll

I do know the feeling. Work from home and am practically on the verge of losing my job because of the hours I waste on it, and yet here I am again. I don’t know what is wrong with my brain really that I am so addicted.

I do this. Also lone parent.
I'm so used to endless interruptions that I can't focus on tv or books when my teens are awake. It's a permanent state of high stress. I sometimes read at 4am when no one wants me.

I'd also recommend getting a basic phone for normal use. I can't say anything though DH and I are both awful for sitting scrolling through phones for the night

The phone gives a short term dopamine hit, I'm a bit back to doing it again but I have had times when I've been completely indifferent to my phone (literally looking at it a couple of times a day). What made it possible was having more other things daily that provide dopamine instead. (Protein, exercise, meditation....etc) there are lots of articles on it if you Google it. The other thing that has helped has been to make a list of things that make me feel good, then separating them out into low/medium/high energy. Then picking something from that dependent on my energy level rather than looking at my phone. The more things i do from that list, the less drawn I am to look at my phone.

I can echo another poster who said about their smartwatch alerting them to calls and texts. I have my FitBit set up to do this and it means I am less anxious about keeping my phone by my side in case school/my DH/family phone.
I am also not good at reducing the time I spend on social media bit by bit. I deacitvate my Facebook and Instagram for two or three days, it removes the temptation to check it 'just for a few minutes'. I find having a complete break for these for a few days makes it easier to just do a 30 min check in at morning, lunch and evening. But you need to plan to keep busy on those days.
I schedule in gardening, deep clean, a book, plan what TV or movies to watch or plan a specific craft. It also means I end up enaging with my son much more.
Are you using it as a form of 'connection' because you are single? I do get lonely sometimes and find especially in the evenings it's a bit like a replacement for socialising in real life.

and while I do get why people say to just get a basic phone to replace the smartphone, I seriously looked into this but it's actually quite hard to function in society these days without one. My DS school update on their app or facebook page and sometimes if this is changes to pick up arrangements or after-school activities they don't have an option to receive a text instead.

Go out with your DC, either for a walk/visit grandparent’s/go to a park and put your phone somewhere tricky to reach. Like in a bag with snacks/DC’s jacket etc. Tell DC you won’t use the phone unless Grandma/other important person calls. They will pick you up on it if you then use it.

For evenings, leave it in a different room, then either read/self care/study/watch something on TV etc.

I’m the same OP so I can sympathise.

I listened to a podcast (I can’t remember the name of it I’m sorry to say) outlining the lengths app developers go to to keep us scrolling. It’s a big business!

The one thing that I’ve found really works well (as mentioned by a previous poster) is to turn on grey scale filters, so basically making your phone black and white. Even the colours used in apps are carefully curated to keep us scrolling for hours on end. Black and white reduces that dopamine hit significantly and makes the phone much easier to put down. I haven’t used this for ages so thank you for the reminder to reinstate! I sometimes turn it off when shopping on my phone and forget to turn it back on.

I also use time limits on my apps. Everything shuts off at 10pm. I can override this very easily but it does help to jolt me into realising how long I’ve been scrolling for.

I’ve often thought about going back to a basic handset, but I do so much communicating on WhatsApp I feel I would miss out on so much.

It really has become a problem for so many. You’re not alone OP.

Agree - it is really hard to function. Train and bus tickets on smartphone. Banking apps - and I used to use online banking on laptop but now the banks I am with require me to use an app on my phone to confirm transactions or log ins. Then there are restaurants only offering menus via QR code. Medical settings requiring some kind of online booking. The list goes on.

The problem is using the phone for one of those things means I end up getting sucked into it unless I am really strict with myself.

I was starting to feel really unwell recently and getting bad anxiety and one of the things I think has been triggering it is scrolling on the phone late and night and reading all kinds of stories of doom on social media/online newspapers/even MN. The sort of things that can make you anxious when actually there's probably no need to be - it doesn't actually affect me that some woman in Vienna got a 8000 Euro gas bill - I mean it's awful for her but it was causing me sleepless nights worrying about what my electricity bill would be like when it eventually arrived.

So I have put a complete ban on the phone after 9 pm at night. The laptop is also banned too after that time - no point putting the phone away and then doom scrolling on a laptop. I now sit on the sofa and read a book after 9 pm and I have found that really helps to calm me down.
Also in the morning the phone is there as an alarm but I have been really strict with myself and I do not look at anything on it at all until I have got out of bed, got washed and dressed, teeth cleaned, drink of water, The doom scrolling in the meant I was getting out of bed anxious and sometimes not even able to get out of bed at all due to the anxiety.

Also I have initiated two days a week where it is banned all day - ie. my weekend, which is not Saturday and Sunday due to my work patterns. I don't answer calls, texts, WhatsApp or anything on those two days. I avoid using banking apps etc on those days too - I try to get stuff done in advance so I can have a break.

It is helping. But you do have to be very very strict with yourself.

OP a lot of people are suggesting cold turkey style ways of stopping which might be more than you want to commit to right now. Here are a few things that might help you gradually cut down to a more acceptable level of phone useage:

try some activities with DC that you can’t use your phone in. For example swimming. While you’re there, really notice how engaged you are with your child and the things you enjoy about being with them without a phone in your hand.

Make your commitment to reducing screen time more concrete. Write down goals (e.g reducing screen time by a few minutes per day) admit it to a few people. Share ideas and keep them updated with how you’re doing.

On social media (eg Facebook) you can unfollow everyone so you can’t just scroll through but you are still friends ans can visit profiles and see things you are tagged in.

Delete apps you use a lot but can log in on the browser. It will stop you seeing the app symbol which will trigger you to open it.

I’ve tried switching it off but then I have anxiety that I’m not contactable for family. My parents won’t accept me saying my phone will be off, they’d forget and then worry if I didn’t respond for a day.

Are you an adult? turn it off, and deal with messages once a day either morning or evening, but dont be ruled by My parents won’t accept me saying my phone will be off for goodness sake

@huntingcunting oh yes to tickets! I do go to gigs, and I always chose the print at home option but some ticket sellers and venues want electronic/QR code only entry now. This happened to me in January with a rescheduled gig, and then when we got to the venue the queues were huge because the networks were overloaded with people trying to access their electronic tickets!

take up knitting! Once your fingers are busy you won't want your phone in the same way!

I read a while ago that by turning your phone display to greyscale/black and white, the lack of colour means your dopamine receptors aren't stimulated and it's all just a lot less addictive. Might be worth a try.

When I have a new book I want to start but the pull of Mumsnet the phone is too strong, I run a bath and leave the phone outside. I will get a couple of chapters in without distractions, and then over the next few days enjoy reading "voluntarily" in the evenings.

It might be symptomatic of your anxiety, especially if you're doom scrolling to get rid of your thoughts.

I can get doom scrolling as I have ADHD. It can boost the dopamine bit too much.

I would recommend meditation. I listen to pura rasa on youtube and her voice is very soothing to me. Also brown noise is good for anxious thoughts. I would also go to your gp and ask for anxiety meds. And or a referral for counselling.

I also have anxiety. I would also recommend look up the five senses technique which is fantasticnfor anxious thoughts. Also try get out in nature for walks if you can manage it, even in a local park in the evening. It soothes my soul.

Like any addiction, it's going to be hard to break. It'll make it easier if you find something to put in it's place, I do the same with my phone and I've taken up reading again. It really helps and I sleep so much better at night.

Sometimes it's hard to switch off and actually read but you just have to persist.
Try setting the app timers on your phone so you can put a limit on it.

There are plenty of things you can do that will take your mind off things, crocheting, sewing, reading, colouring, paint by numbers, any little crafty things will keep your hands busy.

You can set your phone to do not disturb, but you can edit them to allow certain phone calls through incase of emergencies.

Try every one's hints; it is a problem we all have to overcome.
Delete any not wanted apps - why waste the world's energy on scrolling or reading them?
You might need a technition to help you turn off many apps.
Turn off all notifications except for phone calls.
Call your family at the same time every day, at a point when you would most love to hear their support and make it a real talking.call.
Plug your phone in to recharge out of your bedroom overnight.
It is so rude to see a phone at the meal table or to prioritise a phone when real people/children are in your vacinity - teach proper manners and expectations of respect to your child by modeling no phone at those times.
Model safe walking near traffic and when driving by having your phone away in your handbag and turned off.
Use cash or cards and get used to not feeling your phone all the time.
Keep your phone away out of sight when at home.
Use more time doing things you want to do.
Explore new adventures, artistic hobbies, music, gardening - Become a more skilled and interesting person and meet new friends.
Is there a reward that you could give yourself for every three hour stint away from the phone?

Your phone is a tool for your use - not a device to control your life, posture, communication with your child, inhibit your social skills, stop you reading, knitting, dancing etc..