Page 3 | Dad lying about having cancer?

exne · 2023-07-10T14:00:16+00:00

Hi, first time poster but a longtime lurker. I’m posting to help a friend who is having a really confusing time and needs to know is she BU by doubting this? Her dad is known for lying, and has hurt the entire family severely enough that they have all cut contact, apart from my friend, who keeps in low contact to check on his well-being as he is quite a troubled alcoholic. He has previously lied about having illnesses. He has just announced to the family that he has Stage 2 lung cancer. He says he went for a blood test on Friday, and has just been told today. My friend has asked him for more details, however he is not providing much. He has now added he has had “a scan” but is not giving her any further detail. My friend does not want to run back to him instantly as he is known to lie and it could be another one of his attempts to get involved in the family again, only to hurt them again. But this is her dad, and she doesn’t want to be NC with him if he is going through this. She would like to know if she is being unreasonable to doubt this - if you or someone you know has been through this, was the process similar to this? Thank you

wombattoo · 10/07/2023 18:58

I was diagnosed with lung cancer in Dec 2017.
Prior to diagnosis, I had 2 X-rays 6 weeks apart, CT scan, scan with contrast, MRI, a Bronchoscopy and a biopsy. I received dozens of letters from the hospital as I was cc'd in to letters to my GP. (this may have changed since covid).
On being given the diagnosis, there was a specialist cancer nurse present and she gave me loads of leaflets and was my point of contact.
I had an operation to remove the effected lobe of my lung and I was fortunate it hadn't spread, so no chemo or PICC lines etc.
I think he's lying OP.

MavisMcMinty · 10/07/2023 19:10

I was a lung cancer nurse specialist, and there was no “blood test for lung cancer” although certain abnormalities e.g a low sodium or high calcium might indicate a problem. A CT scan may be SUGGESTIVE of lung cancer, but a biopsy via bronchoscopy or a CT or ultrasound-guided biopsy is needed to confirm any diagnosis.

Stage 2 cancer would only be diagnosed after all investigations were complete, and treatment would usually be surgery or radical radiotherapy, +/- adjuvant chemotherapy, with curative intent. If someone had negative results apart from an abnormal chest x-ray or CT scan, they’d usually have repeated investigations at 6-weekly to 3-monthly intervals.

He may have been told he has an abnormality that might be cancer, but without a biopsy the diagnosis cannot be made.

MavisMcMinty · 10/07/2023 19:13

(I’m talking about a stage 2 cancer here; advanced inoperable lung cancer may be diagnosed on the clinical picture alone if people are too ill to withstand invasive investigations or treatment.)

Original poster

exne · 11/07/2023 07:13

Thank you everyone. If/when we get an update I’ll check with my friend if she’s happy to share it with you all. We really appreciate everyone’s insights. x

OP posts:

user1490442269 · 09/11/2023 13:40

He would have to have had a CT scan, followed by a pet scan and then a biopsy. A blood test would definitely not confirm lung cancer. I wish it had been that simple!! Your father seems to have other complex issues but of course it may be true if he has had all the mentioned tests. If his alcoholism is beyond him being able to function then I seriously doubt he was capable to keep appointments etc. I hope he is lying in a way and I hope he gets better soon regardless. 🙏

Original poster

exne · 09/11/2023 22:01

Hi all, sorry for the long wait. The last comment reminded me about this post, and my word, do we have an update for you. My friend has said she wants to update you all, so here you go. (Buckle in, this is all (sadly for my friend) very real)

My friend decided to go low contact with her dad. He was being very manipulative and she’d finally had enough. Nobody had heard from him for about 2 weeks. Then, about a week or so ago, my friend had her first day back at work after a break. She got a phone call telling her the police had found a body that they thought could be her dad. They later confirmed it was not him, and then found he had been admitted into a local hospital a week earlier. He was conscious and had a full understanding of what was going on.

Side note - He did not inform anyone he was in hospital. He also didn’t inform anyone his chihuahua puppy had been home alone for the past week. The police found the dog in a bad state, but she managed to pull through at the vets. My friend is now her new owner and is giving her the life she deserves.

Here’s the bit you’ve all waited for - he allowed the hospital to speak with my friend’s mother. Her mother asked the hospital if he was there due to his cancer, and if he was stable. The hospital responded that he does not, and has never had cancer. He had been lying.

They have however informed her family that her dad is HIV Positive. They suspect this is through use of needles - he said needle marks on his arm were from hospital visits, which was never the case.

My friend has really been through it lately. She wanted you all to have the update almost as a way to help her process it all herself, and so that you had answers too.

I can’t imagine there’ll be another update after this one. x

OP posts:

Missingmyusername · 09/11/2023 22:08

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Missingmyusername · 09/11/2023 22:12

exne · 09/11/2023 22:01

Hi all, sorry for the long wait. The last comment reminded me about this post, and my word, do we have an update for you. My friend has said she wants to update you all, so here you go. (Buckle in, this is all (sadly for my friend) very real)

My friend decided to go low contact with her dad. He was being very manipulative and she’d finally had enough. Nobody had heard from him for about 2 weeks. Then, about a week or so ago, my friend had her first day back at work after a break. She got a phone call telling her the police had found a body that they thought could be her dad. They later confirmed it was not him, and then found he had been admitted into a local hospital a week earlier. He was conscious and had a full understanding of what was going on.

Side note - He did not inform anyone he was in hospital. He also didn’t inform anyone his chihuahua puppy had been home alone for the past week. The police found the dog in a bad state, but she managed to pull through at the vets. My friend is now her new owner and is giving her the life she deserves.

Here’s the bit you’ve all waited for - he allowed the hospital to speak with my friend’s mother. Her mother asked the hospital if he was there due to his cancer, and if he was stable. The hospital responded that he does not, and has never had cancer. He had been lying.

They have however informed her family that her dad is HIV Positive. They suspect this is through use of needles - he said needle marks on his arm were from hospital visits, which was never the case.

My friend has really been through it lately. She wanted you all to have the update almost as a way to help her process it all herself, and so that you had answers too.

I can’t imagine there’ll be another update after this one. x

I’m sorry I’ve posted after you not seeing the update.

How stressful and horrendous, I’m so glad the pup is ok, wishing your friend all the best.