Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dad lying about having cancer?

58 replies

exne · 10/07/2023 15:00

Hi, first time poster but a longtime lurker. I’m posting to help a friend who is having a really confusing time and needs to know is she BU by doubting this?

Her dad is known for lying, and has hurt the entire family severely enough that they have all cut contact, apart from my friend, who keeps in low contact to check on his well-being as he is quite a troubled alcoholic. He has previously lied about having illnesses.

He has just announced to the family that he has Stage 2 lung cancer. He says he went for a blood test on Friday, and has just been told today.
My friend has asked him for more details, however he is not providing much. He has now added he has had “a scan” but is not giving her any further detail.

My friend does not want to run back to him instantly as he is known to lie and it could be another one of his attempts to get involved in the family again, only to hurt them again. But this is her dad, and she doesn’t want to be NC with him if he is going through this.

She would like to know if she is being unreasonable to doubt this - if you or someone you know has been through this, was the process similar to this? Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
exne · 10/07/2023 16:19

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 10/07/2023 16:15

We thankfully have little experience with cancer this close to home so weren’t sure how quickly you can be diagnosed, but we thought it was a bit quick

My dad was actually diagnosed with small cell lung cancer the day he was admitted to hospital so they can be quick to diagnose. However he was very ill by that point and to be fair, I don't have a medical degree and I'd successfully diagnosed him too when my mum phoned to tell me about his symptoms/collapse.

He was in hospital for 10 days whilst they drained an infection from the lining of his lungs. They did multiple scans of some sort because thats when we found out about the asbestos plaques in his lungs as well from his time in the military. He met his oncology consultant at this point and then had many appointments for various things (chemo, radiotherapy because lung cancer often spreads to the brain and with a charity to help him claim attendance allowance and get a blue badge). We all spent a lot of time at that hospital. Also pills, lots and lots of pills for various things. He definitely had pills to take after chemo that I seem to remember being linked somehow. I know he was terrified of toddler ds getting hold of them.

He's likely lying. I think that would be the final straw for me. However I'm probably slightly twisted by the fact that I watched someone I adored shrinking, drowning on dry land and then die of lung cancer 3 months before my 2nd child was born.

I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine how awful that entire experience must have been for everyone involved. I fully agree, I can’t imagine how my friend will feel if this does indeed turn out to be a lie. This is just not something to joke about, make light of or pretend to have for personal benefit.

I hope you’re OK. x

OP posts:
Loverofoxbowlakes · 10/07/2023 16:20

7eleven · 10/07/2023 15:41

A blood test and then a scan, over a weekend in an NHS hospital?! He’s lying.

Not sure about LC but my dp was referred to imaging by his GP on Friday, was scanned Sunday and operated on the following Friday for testicular cancer. I don't recall him having any diagnostic blood tests beforehand, just ah, right, we'll take that out then.

In my experience of LC it is a much more drawn out process, hindered by other health conditions masking/causing similar symptoms, plus the challenge of diagnosing via imaging/biopsies etc.

Sunnydaysarentagiveneveninjuly · 10/07/2023 16:22

My adult ds told us he has cancer... Came over and was wresting on the floor with a young dc. Apparently had surgery the day before...
I took a photo to remind myself he was an absolute liar...
Haven't seen him for 3 years.. Life is very different without the constant lies and drama.

MumblesParty · 10/07/2023 16:24

I’m a GP.
lung cancer isn’t diagnosed by a blood test and a scan. He’s lying.

bumblebee2235 · 10/07/2023 16:26

Hmm my dad had blood test.. I think it showed markers like is it psi levels? But that still doesn't confirm it just then indicates investigation .. which then he had to go in for biopsy, scans ect. I think they need more proof before diagnosis and what cancer etc blood test would not show in 3 days, cancer then type of cancer or where in body, scans and investigations are needed for that?

But all cancers are different this was in my dads case, his cancer was a common one so easier to detect and it was still lengthy process, sadly it's spread now.

saraclara · 10/07/2023 16:28

exne · 10/07/2023 16:14

That’s a good point, thank you

Show quote history

I'm sorry but that poster is mistaken. My DH didn't have a pic line for his chemo. He had the drip line inserted into his vein each time. So the absence of a line means nothing.

Original poster
exne · 10/07/2023 16:35

saraclara · 10/07/2023 16:28

I'm sorry but that poster is mistaken. My DH didn't have a pic line for his chemo. He had the drip line inserted into his vein each time. So the absence of a line means nothing.

Show quote history

Thank you for this, I’ll pass it on to my friend.

OP posts:
Original poster
exne · 10/07/2023 16:39

MumblesParty · 10/07/2023 16:24

I’m a GP.
lung cancer isn’t diagnosed by a blood test and a scan. He’s lying.

Really interesting - thank you. Can I please ask what sort of thing could he have as “proof” or something if he had only just gone for a blood test on Friday? I understand it will be different for everyone, it’s just if you have some kind of vague idea of how it would have typically gone.

Though at this point, she has asked him numerous times for more detail and he isn’t giving her anything to work with, so I think these comments paired with his lack of response is suggesting he really is lying about this.

OP posts:
saraclara · 10/07/2023 16:48

I'm meeting a friend tomorrow who was put on the fast track pathway for suspected lung cancer. She had a scan two weeks ago, but has to wait another two weeks before she gets the results of her various tests.

asrh618120 · 10/07/2023 16:48

Hiya,
Not sure about other tests available but my Dad had to have a biopsy and was told 2 weeks later it was cancer.

Daleksatemyshed · 10/07/2023 16:52

@saraclara well they say you live and learn, I had a pic line and so has everyone else I've known who had cancer so I thought it was the same for everyone. I hope your DH made a full recovery

drpet49 · 10/07/2023 16:53

7eleven · 10/07/2023 15:41

A blood test and then a scan, over a weekend in an NHS hospital?! He’s lying.

This! What a joke.

MumblesParty · 10/07/2023 16:56

exne · 10/07/2023 16:39

Really interesting - thank you. Can I please ask what sort of thing could he have as “proof” or something if he had only just gone for a blood test on Friday? I understand it will be different for everyone, it’s just if you have some kind of vague idea of how it would have typically gone.

Though at this point, she has asked him numerous times for more detail and he isn’t giving her anything to work with, so I think these comments paired with his lack of response is suggesting he really is lying about this.

Show quote history

Some blood tests done on a Friday would have the results through the next day, but none of them would be diagnostic of any cancer. Lung cancer is almost invariably first considered after a chest X-ray, which then leads to an MRI/CT scan, and sometimes a bronchoscopy and biopsy. Even on a rapid pathway it would take an absolute minimum of a week for a diagnosis.
Hes lying.

LuvSmallDogs · 10/07/2023 16:58

@Daleksatemyshed@Daleksatemyshed

saraclara · 10/07/2023 16:59

Daleksatemyshed · 10/07/2023 16:52

@saraclara well they say you live and learn, I had a pic line and so has everyone else I've known who had cancer so I thought it was the same for everyone. I hope your DH made a full recovery

I wish he had had one, to be honest. Not all the chemo nurses got the needle in first time, and it added to his stress.
I'm afraid that he didn't recover, but that was always going to be the case, sadly, as he was at an advanced Stage 4 when diagnosed. The palliative chemo gave him an extra (and very surprising!)18 months of good quality life though, and my DDs and I will always be grateful for that.

Ginola2345 · 10/07/2023 17:00

I had suspected lung cancer and had two X rays, a CT, blood tests and a PET scan before they told me verbally they were 75% sure I had lung cancer. I didn’t receive any letters initially as things were moving at a pace. It turned out after a surgical biopsy that I didn’t have lung cancer but another cancer which again I was told verbally. It took awhile for the letters to catch up. But given your friends dads history he could be lying.

7eleven · 10/07/2023 17:12

Loverofoxbowlakes · 10/07/2023 16:20

Not sure about LC but my dp was referred to imaging by his GP on Friday, was scanned Sunday and operated on the following Friday for testicular cancer. I don't recall him having any diagnostic blood tests beforehand, just ah, right, we'll take that out then.

In my experience of LC it is a much more drawn out process, hindered by other health conditions masking/causing similar symptoms, plus the challenge of diagnosing via imaging/biopsies etc.

Show quote history

Oh don’t get me wrong, I know the NHS can move fast under certain circumstances. I’m glad they did for your dp x

LuvSmallDogs · 10/07/2023 17:20

@Daleksatemyshed , sorry for my last post having nothing but your name, tablet went a bit funny and I pressed post while mashing at a frozen screen lol!

I just wanted to back up saraclara, my chemo place isn't keen on PICCs unless they have to be done because your veins are giving up. I think it's because of the constant infection risk?

Honestly OP, if your reaction to someone saying they have cancer is to question it, does it really matter? Even if they were sick, you don't want someone like that in your life at all.

As for figuring out fakers, easy - cancer takes over your life. Steroid tablets, sharps bin, cancer keyworker/emergency cancer treatment line cards on the fridge, so many effing side effects leaflets! If he hasn't ANY of these to show you in a few weeks then it's pretty doubtful.

Vagueness or getting details muddled I wouldn't necessarily take as a sign of lying. A lot of cancer patients get so emotional during initial appointments that it's often advised to bring along someone else to ask questions/remember things, and some avoid going over the leaflets etc to try and forget about it I think.

TruJay · 10/07/2023 17:21

My family member had a ‘recurrent chest infection’ for 2 years, always getting prescribed antibiotics. By the time anyone cared to do anything else for him, he was down to 6 stone and the doctor at the hospital took my mum into a different room, told her he was dying and had 6 weeks at the most left to live. They wouldn’t even tell him themselves, they got my mum to do it! He was in the car after the appointment and said to us ‘maybe I’ll get some better tablets now and finally get better’ and she had to tell him that wasn’t the case.
What followed was a living hell that I could fill a full thread talking about.

That was 20 years ago and I know things improve but surely not enough to be diagnosed by a blood test over a bloody weekend!

I hope it isn’t lung cancer because it was horrific to watch it consume our beloved family member, I’ve missed him every day of those 20 years! And I will never forget the way he was left to suffer.

To lie about something like that, you have to be one very sick in the head individual and I wouldn’t be talking to anyone who could do that ever again if that’s found out to be the case.

Auntieobem · 10/07/2023 17:24

Lying about health conditions is drf something people do. My db's ex lied about all sorts of stuff - from miscarriage, to MS, level 4 cancers and lots in between. Sadly she died very young ironically from something that was self inflicted but treatable.

Daleksatemyshed · 10/07/2023 18:02

@saraclara I'm so sorry, it's hard enough to watch someone suffer but knowing there wasn't a lot of hope for your DH must have been very, very hard

OrwellianTimes · 10/07/2023 18:10

My Gran did this. She told everyone she had blood cancer and was dieing. It was so weird. She had form for being very manipulative and controlling and a lot of mystery illnesses.

Even weirder 18 months later she found a lump, knew it was cancer, and did nothing about it.

caringcarer · 10/07/2023 18:16

When I have a blood test it takes 8 days before I can ring for results.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 10/07/2023 18:17

My husband is on his 3rd lot of cancer and he's never had a PICC line inserted. First two times he had the drugs delivered by a needle in his arm or hand and this time he's having chemo tablets.

None of the times did he get results and diagnosis this quickly.

Whadda · 10/07/2023 18:31

Get him to post on the MN Life-limiting Illnesses board and Reddit will tell us if he’s really sick within ten minutes.

Sorry, being facetious but I think your friend has every right to be suspicious.

Swipe left for the next trending thread