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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

B&SIL

42 replies

Blueymum1988 · 10/07/2023 08:41

Am i being unreasonable?

My brother and sister in law have recently really annoyed me.
They seem to want constant attention.

My husband and I got engaged, and on the day we booked our wedding and told everyone. They got engaged.

(This was before he hold my husband not to get engaged to me, as he wanted to do it first. My husband waited 18month so he just did it and couldnt wait anymore)

They said they wanted to get married first as they had been together longer ( which wasnt entirely true as they broke up for 12 months) but we said it was fine. I couldnt care less. But due to covid we have all had to rearrange. We re-booked ours and had a message to ask if they could get married the day before as it was good for them, then they wanted the weekend before. We obviously said NO and then changed it to a couple of weeks before.

We had previously discussed wedding stuff, My style is very alternative where as hers isnt, so I thought I was safe.Turns out and she bought the same shoes and a similar style dress. I was so upset. But to top it all off she asked where I got my Bridesmaid dresses from, and she promised not to get the same as me if I told her, as she was desperate, so I did and told her we had a particular style so not to get them..... and then she apologised and said oh so sorry just bought that.
Her colour theme changed to a colour very similar to mine. (Nothing like she previously decided)

We had out house decorated.... they came up to visit. And 3 weeks later had theirs decorated the same.

We went to their wedding in covid. But when ours rolled around after more lockdowns and cancellations. She didnt want to come as she wanted to save her holidays for herself.

I found out I was pregnant and then didnt see her until the baby was almost 11 months. She refused to hold or play with the baby.

After this I have tried to distance myself from them. We often have family meals but shes busy with other engagements. Which is fine by me.

I hadn't seen her until this week. My baby is now 2 and shes 6 months pregnant.

Last week my dog of 12 years died..... guess what... they are naming the baby the same name as my dog.

They where miraculously 1 week pregnant (didnt even think that was possible) on the birth of my baby. Then this never amounted to anything.

There are a tonne of other things toov like my husband lending him a bike and he sold it, lending him money and not getting it back etc.

But my husband and I are falling out as he wants to lend all our baby stuff to them as we have spent a fortune and I know we wont get it back. Which he says doesnt matter. I think it does. We cant afford to re buy everything Especially when we're currently trying for another baby and childcare costs eat up most of my wage.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

SeulementUneFois · 10/07/2023 08:45

Definitely keep your baby stuff. The fact that you're trying for another baby makes it completely obvious you should do that.

Separately you need to have a serious conversation with your husband about this. You need to get on the same page about this.

Original poster

Blueymum1988 · 10/07/2023 08:52

He says they are nice people. Just a little silly and must look up to us. Family are more important than material goods.
It was just the last straw stealing the name of my dead dog.
Everytime I now mention my dog everyone gets worried as they think i mean their unborn child. 🙄

OP posts:

Lacucuracha · 10/07/2023 09:01

YANBU, they sound awful. I would go nuclear about the baby stuff.

Or pack it away in bags and put it in storage or in the attic.

You have a DH problem.

TheSandgroper · 10/07/2023 09:01

Hang into your stuff. Make it very clear. Anything you have a particular emotional connection to should be moved to somewhere else.

And, because I’m petty, I would bring up my dog in every conversation. ‘Cos, you know, you chose the name.

And after all that, be sure to keep in touch with them in your terms only.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 10/07/2023 09:07

They sound fucking insane. I would never tell them anything anymore - speak to them when you have to - but absolutely have to. Other than that - zero.

drpet49 · 10/07/2023 09:16

No way would I lend them any baby stuff. You won’t get half of it back and the stuff you get back will be in crap condition.

drpet49 · 10/07/2023 09:16

tennesseewhiskey1 · 10/07/2023 09:07

They sound fucking insane. I would never tell them anything anymore - speak to them when you have to - but absolutely have to. Other than that - zero.

Also this. I’d go low contact, they sound crazy.

5foot5 · 10/07/2023 09:22

TheSandgroper · 10/07/2023 09:01

Hang into your stuff. Make it very clear. Anything you have a particular emotional connection to should be moved to somewhere else.

And, because I’m petty, I would bring up my dog in every conversation. ‘Cos, you know, you chose the name.

And after all that, be sure to keep in touch with them in your terms only.

Definitely this with the dog name.

Under no circumstances lend them baby stuff. Whatever your DH says

BiscuitsandPuffin · 10/07/2023 09:24

Stop telling them stuff.
Don't give them anything.
Your DH needs to understand that his immediate family--the one he's in with you and your child is more important and needs to be put first. He needs to understand that this is a dealbreaker and that he needs to support you and his child over his brother and SIL (who sound like arseholes).

DaisyUpsy · 10/07/2023 09:40

Yanbu and if they ask you anything tell them lies or something outrageous so anything they copy doesn't bother you.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 10/07/2023 09:44

Store your baby stuff at your parents and tell that that no one else is to take this stuff, not even dh.

When they ask you where you get something, lie. When they want to see photos of something, send them the wrong thing.

tell your dh that family means you and dc before his db and sil.

this would drive me nuts

Sceptre86 · 10/07/2023 09:53

I have a sil like this too and it irritates me beyond belief. My dh always calms me with the she must look up to me spiel and that she just isn't very original and I should feel sorry her and he is probably right. I think it's ultra weird competitiveness and she must have what I have a fear of missing out or something like that. Basically what I am saying is your feelings are valid, she's batshit and I wouldn't give anyone your baby stuff if you are ttc. I'd be clear about that to your dh and if he argues back I'd be petty enough to store it elsewhere.

Yanbu. It's very tiresome and draining to be around people like this.

Original poster

Blueymum1988 · 10/07/2023 09:59

Thankyou. Yehh my husbands the same. He always says how nice they are really, just no ideas of their own. And I should "take it as a compliment."

OP posts:

Tinysoxx · 10/07/2023 10:03

Give them a framed photo of your dog? ‘From one Barney to another’?

Sounds infuriating. Do not give them any baby stuff. You will need it for no.2 and it’s a pain getting your old stuff back - what happens if it gets dirty/ damaged? Only give away what you don’t mind never getting back..

LookItsMeAgain · 10/07/2023 12:07

I'd get an engraved frame (so it couldn't be reused) and pop a photo of your dear dog in it and on the mount say (as one of the other MNetters has suggested) "From one Barney to another" and then I'd superglue the back of the frame shut so they can't replace the photograph in it!

I'd not be letting them have any of the baby equipment or clothes. Your DH is crazy if he gives them stuff like that. Why not get them a voucher for a baby store or John Lewis or something where they can select whatever they want.

Oh and plonk your DH in front of the telly and get him to watch Single White Female, and Fatal Attraction back to back and say "Notice any similarities between X and the characters in these movies?"

You definitely have a DH problem.

Also start making shit up when your B or SiL ask for information. Send them on a mis-information wild goose chase.

Mangotango39 · 10/07/2023 12:31

They sound insane , and unhinged. It got worse as I carried on reading.

I cannot believe your husband lent him a bike and he sold it. Did he not have anything to say about this????

and are you saying they announced a pregnancy on day of your babies birth then the pregnancy dissappeared without a word?????

odd odd odd

DO NOT then have even one item of your baby things and save it for your next little one! They don't deserve that kindness from you.

Original poster

Blueymum1988 · 10/07/2023 13:17

My husband just laughs at the fact he sold his bike now. The BIL is the younger sibling who can do no wrong in the eyes of his parents. They blamed my husband. Said hes selfish for not just giving it to him and making a fuss.

Yehhh they said they think they must have lost the baby early on. But my argument was that they couldnt have known they where 1 week pregnant. Its 4 weeks max.

OP posts:

AccidentallySuckedTheStrippersDick · 10/07/2023 13:42

Wow, the jealousy from them is very strong. How very bizarre. It's almost like single white female vibes.

I would totally do what others have suggested. If they ask you what you bought/how you redecorated etc then send them the most random and incorrect things possible.

BlastedPimples · 10/07/2023 13:53

Tell them nothing.

Go low contact.

If you have to see them, keep every conversation about them only. They will love to talk about themselves for hours, I'm sure. Just don't reveal any personal stuff about you and your dh ever again.

Do not lend or give them anything ever. Say you need it.

Nanny0gg · 10/07/2023 14:07

Blueymum1988 · 10/07/2023 09:59

Thankyou. Yehh my husbands the same. He always says how nice they are really, just no ideas of their own. And I should "take it as a compliment."

Your husband is an absolute fool. (Feel free to tell him)

This is your life.

Unless you hide your baby stuff and put your foot right down you're going to lose every time.

Are you prepared for that?

ProtestantsHateAbba · 10/07/2023 14:17

Stop telling them stuff, or if you do lie. And don’t lend/give them your baby stuff. That would be ridiculous if you plan to use it again for another baby.

As for them not spending much time with your child, be relieved as they frankly sound insufferable.

Dinopawus · 10/07/2023 14:24

Blueymum1988 · 10/07/2023 13:17

Yehhh they said they think they must have lost the baby early on. But my argument was that they couldnt have known they where 1 week pregnant. Its 4 weeks max.

So pregnancy is dated from the date of your last period and most couples typically conceive around day 14.

So one week pregnant is one week before they DTD isn't it?

Bless them.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 10/07/2023 14:33

Thosepeskyseagulls · 10/07/2023 14:34

She sounds insane. Well done for putting up boundaries. Keep them up.

ThatFraggle · 10/07/2023 14:43

Start telling the wrong thing for lulz.

"Ooh, I love colour drenching. It's where the carpet, sofa, walls, skirting and curtains are the same colour. It's so modern! I'm definitely going for yellow. We will do it when I get paid!"

Oh, I changed my mind/DH wasn't keen.

Send a photo of you in a pixie cut wig in pink. "You thought I cut and dyed my hair! No, I just wanted a temporary change of look."

And so on.

You should have kept the dress a surprise for the day, and same with the bridesmaids dresses (once she knows the shop she'll call asking about the smith bridesmaid dresses). Say "tbh, I wasn't so happy with the service. My friend Jane got married last year and she used Milly's Boutique and said it was great!"

Baby names. Announce once it is born, or she will bagsy the name.

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