to have a conversation with manager about what I think is awkwardness/ sexual tension

[Hairyleg]

Exactly this really.

Been in a hybrid job for about a year. Go on visits and then do paperwork at home. whole things been dofficult (I miss having a workplace and working in a team )

Anyway added to this I can’t help but feel sexual chemistry/ tension with the manager. A few of the following things:

• Imtense eye contact.
• text messages outside of work days/ hours.
• Just a feeling. Like he will start off a convo when others are around all serious- like how’s the family- then huuuuge smiles, twinkly eyes etc
• goinf out of his way to find me
• double entendres
• when carrying out a visit together (literally only one we’ve done)- sparks when touching.
• awkwardness
• him blushing and getting all flustered
• him leaning in close, touching, brushing arms, and just seeming to be around a fair bit.
• glances accross rooms

sometimes I feel pretty excited about it but it’s wrong and no good can come of it. He’s my manager. I’m married with kids as is he.

So far I have tried focussing on his negatives, went for around a month avoiding the office so not seeing him and only communicating about it specific work things via teams, responded to one of his texts worth a very lighthearted reminder that it’s a day off and I’d see him in the office which stopped the out of work messages (I was enjoying them a bit too much) etc which I thought had worked- Then we had a work social which seems to have sent the whole thing into overdrive- worse than before- and since then I think it’s really bloody obvious.

Anyway I want to nip this in the bud because I think it’s affecting work (I honestly think he’s over valuing my work, is either incredibly supportive going out of his way to help or incredibly distant).

So thinking a little combo along the lines of ‘there’s nothing awkward here/ no beef is there?’ Just to acknowledge the situation without acknowledging how inappropriate it is without shaming anyone or
makinf it a HR issue etc.

AIBU to think this is a good idea? Or any other way of doing this? Thanks for reading this far.

Lololol at the beef and the pull my finger fart along with 'how’s the family- then huuuuge smiles, twinkly eyes'
He sounds like a slimy creep if any of this is true. And if it is true, you're definitely not the first colleague he's tried yo use in yhis way.
Get yourself some dignity pronto.

OMG totally have a meeting to bring this up. Make sure you remove your eyeglasses and shake your hair out of a severe bun. Maybe slip off your shoe and rub your pedicured footsie while discussing.

*don’t do any of this including the meeting. If your work life starts to resemble a tv show something is very wrong

Well that’s overwhelming. Thanks! Can honestly say I don’t think every bloke fancies me. Honestly first time in 17 years of being with husband anything like this has happened.

Yup when the messages (all innocuous) started I sent very short to the point answers back and then one about it being my day off so see you at work sort of thing. So those have stopped.

And yup cos of this weird hybrid working thing no my sure how he talks/ acts around everyone else on a 1:1 basis. Tbh the team seems pretty miserable. He’s tried to almost coerce me into doing work that I clearly didn’t have time/skills to do when I raised it he laid on thick how I was good at my job blah blah- but I hadn’t actually asked that I’d asked when/ how to do the thing.

So I wonder if this is the management tactic- to charm people into it. One lady seemed to be a super fan of his and now just seems miserable so I think she’s gone through all of this.

Either way pretty weird and dodgy and creepy too yup.

OK no conversation and thanks for helping me see that the man is a creep and a pretty crap manager but an absolute charming shite tbh.

Good response, OP. Honestly, he sounds horrible, if what he's actually doing is buttering up successive female team members to get them to take on work that is outside their job description!

Seeming like a possibility isn’t it? Strangest management tactic I ever did encounter.

Best advice ever.

Omg 😂

If you bring it up, you'll be in the stationery cupboard with him in no time. Don't ever mention it. It makes me cringe as well, just the thought of you saying anything. You're both married for God's sake.

This

This comment though 😅 you seem like my kinda person, lol could not have expressed this better myself 🤣😭😅

Beware of taking on work outside your skill set or cutting corners. If you don't do it well you'll be criticised for it and nobody will notice if it goes okay. Once one of my friends was persuaded to pull out all the stops to get an IT project done quickly. She took some shortcuts with the full knowledge and approval of her boss - primarily on the documentation - so they could deliver on time. Later when somebody queried the lack of documentation he threw her under the bus saying he hadn't known anything about that.

I'd start referring to my husband on a regular basis in your conversations with your manager. Inquire about his wife -poor woman is probably miserable married to this lecher.

For what it's worth, I am a manager and there is no way that I would have a relationship with a subordinate. I'm married now but that was my rule when I was single too. It is just too messy to contemplate.