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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to leave my son home alone?

48 replies

BarqsHasBite · 09/07/2023 18:50

My son will be 9 3/4 (Y5) come September and is very sensible.

My daughter has been offered a place in a local Brownies group in Sep which is a 20 min (max) round trip from our house.
It clashes with the online French club that my son does and is keen to continue with.

So WIBU to leave my son for 20 mins to drop my daughter off? If not, then how old does he need to be - 10, 11, actually at secondary school?

My husband would need to leave work 2 hours early to be home for it which just isn't an option more than perhaps once a month. The alternative is that I try to find a teen neighbour to sit with my son for 20 mins (picking daughter up isn't an issue as French club will be over by then). I may get lucky and find someone another Brownie parent who could take our daughter to Brownies and I do the return trip, but I definitely can't count on it.

Genuinely in two minds about this. I think the chances of anything happening to him in the 20 mins when he's just sitting in front of a laptop doing French are pretty minuscule. But equally I see a lot on here about how it's just Not The Done Thing to leave children home alone or let them out alone until they're at least of secondary age.

OP posts:

StopStartStop · 09/07/2023 18:51

Does he have a phone and people to contact - a neighbour?

negomi90 · 09/07/2023 18:52

Can your son do it online from the car using a phone/tablet?

Namechanger1002 · 09/07/2023 18:53

I would.
But I think it depends on your child and where you live and if they have a phone.

Cantkidakidda · 09/07/2023 18:57

I think it's fine, you've said he's sensible and it's only 20 mins although on here I expect I'll be in the minority to think that.

Original poster

BarqsHasBite · 09/07/2023 18:58

I have 2 phones (work one and personal one) so could leave him with one.
We haven't lived here very long but are on decent terms with and trust our neighbours (we bought the house from friends who know them all well, hence feeling I can trust them). I'm sure he could call on them if there was an issue but equally I'm not sure if I'd feel I could let them know he's going to be home alone (one of them is a primary teacher and I don't know what view she'd take of it!).

Unfortunately he would struggle to do the club from a phone or tablet - you really need 2 devices to do the club, one for the Zoom call and they use another programme, like a whiteboard, for the kids to do short written exercises, which really needs to be done on a tablet. Plus the quickest way to get to Brownies is by car and my son gets very car sick!

OP posts:

Weal · 09/07/2023 18:58

I would but with plans that he can follow if there are any issues … do you have a nice neighbour he can all on if he needs help?

CurlewKate · 09/07/2023 19:00

I would have done-and did-similar with mine. I think it's fine.

ChadCMulligan · 09/07/2023 19:00

I think it's perfectly reasonable. I was left at home at that age for an hour or two when necessary.

You teach them how to call 999 in a real emergency, how to call you and which neighbour to go to if necessary.

Original poster

BarqsHasBite · 09/07/2023 19:01

...sorry, I meant he'd struggle to do the club on a phone/tablet if he were to come with us to do the Brownies run.
Having checked Google maps it reckons its only a 2 minute drive from our house (I was overestimating about 5 mins, plus time to park and hand daughter over to Brownies leaders). So could be back in 10-15 mins...

OP posts:

MinnieMountain · 09/07/2023 19:01

Our DS is the same age. We now give him the option of staying home if one of us needs to run a quick errand whilst the other is away. He’s fine.

DelilahBucket · 09/07/2023 19:01

I would only do this is there was an immediate neighbour he could call upon and if he could be trusted to just stay put. I don't think most year five children are equipped to deal with an emergency.

Thereisnoname · 09/07/2023 19:02

I would especially if he is doing an activity any way.
I left my daughter at that age for 10/15 minutes and she didn't even move if on a screen.

Readyplayerthr33 · 09/07/2023 19:02

I wouldn’t even think twice about this. I just did it. Can’t believe you’re asking for advice. Why?
You know your kid. You’ve had the idea so obviously believe that he is capable. So, what is the problem? Do it.

Give him a phone just in case. Make sure he knows what the fire alarm sounds like and to get out the house if it goes off (so he needs a key if you lock the door form the outside).

Merryoldgoat · 09/07/2023 19:02

I would have an emergency plan but otherwise yes.

My son is 10 and I’ve had to leave him alone on occasion for 20-30 mins.

He knows to go straight to one of two neighbours if he has any issues and he has my number as well.

Original poster

BarqsHasBite · 09/07/2023 19:03

Thanks all and thanks Delilah, I agree he is probably not equipped to deal with an emergency, but I am confident he would just stay put (he loves being at home and we often have to drag him out at weekends, even when we are going somewhere he should enjoy!).

OP posts:

Dixiechickonhols · 09/07/2023 19:07

There’s no legal minimum age it’s down to your judgment.
If he’s sensible and in an online class then I think it’s fine.
Do you have a neighbour in case of emergency.
Obviously run through scenarios. One I’d think of is you getting delayed home eg car crash causing traffic jam.

Original poster

BarqsHasBite · 09/07/2023 19:11

Readyplayerthr33 · 09/07/2023 19:02

Give him a phone just in case. Make sure he knows what the fire alarm sounds like and to get out the house if it goes off (so he needs a key if you lock the door form the outside).

Because I don't entirely trust my judgement here - for some reason there seems to be a perception that leaving kids home alone is even worse/more dangerous/neglectful than letting them walk to school or go to the local park on their own, and that doesn't happen now until a much older age than when I was a kid.

I really don't understand it as my kids are both pretty sensible and I'm sure would be safe at home and OK at being left for perhaps half an hour (although I wouldn't leave my daughter as she's definitely a bit too young).

I was just after a sense check that if I did leave my son and if in the (hopefully very unlikely) event something did happen that my kids wouldn't immediately be taken into care on the basis that it's Very Obvious that a 9-nearly-10 year old is too young to be left at home and no-one else in their right mind would do it ever.

But it sounds like that is not the case, which is very helpful, so thank you!

OP posts:

Rollonannualeave · 09/07/2023 19:13

It'd be stressful. What if the internet drops out or he discloses to the teacher his mum's not there. Can't you have him in the car what an iPad and earphones?

CindersAgain · 09/07/2023 19:16

You may find that after a while you can catch someone else going on and send your daughter to walk in with them, so you’d only be gone 5 mins.

I think it sounds ok.

TimeToMoveIt · 09/07/2023 19:18

2 of mine would have been fine 2 wouldn't, of he's sensible I'd say its fine

Orangebadger · 09/07/2023 19:19

I would. I left my 9 yr old on occasion for 10/20 min. She's also very sensible, knows how to use the land line and the neighbours are good friends who I would let know before hand. I don't see it as a problem tbh.

livingonpurpose · 09/07/2023 19:19

As a single parent I had to start leaving my ds alone to do the food shop during Covid lockdowns, he was 9 then. I made sure he knew what to do in the event of a fire, and not to answer the door if anyone knocked. I also made him register the time when I left and told him how long I'd be, so he knew not to worry/when I'd be back. It was fine, and as long as you know your ds will be sensible and happy to be home alone, go for it!

FlickyCrumble · 09/07/2023 19:22

i don’t think the teacher will agree to teaching your son online unless there is adult present. We couldn’t do music lessons as it was a safeguarding issue. Check first.

lanthanum · 09/07/2023 19:25

You might check whether the online club has any regulations - I've seen online things that stipulate that an adult must be present in the house. Of course, it's unlikely that they'd ever know.

The best thing would be to find another parent who could take your daughter in return for you doing the pick-up. You could try asking the brownies leaders if they can pass your number on to anyone from your direction who might be able to help.

FoodFann · 09/07/2023 19:26

I would leave him for 20 mins whilst he has a task to do

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