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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave my son home alone?

48 replies

BarqsHasBite · 09/07/2023 18:50

My son will be 9 3/4 (Y5) come September and is very sensible.

My daughter has been offered a place in a local Brownies group in Sep which is a 20 min (max) round trip from our house.
It clashes with the online French club that my son does and is keen to continue with.

So WIBU to leave my son for 20 mins to drop my daughter off? If not, then how old does he need to be - 10, 11, actually at secondary school?

My husband would need to leave work 2 hours early to be home for it which just isn't an option more than perhaps once a month. The alternative is that I try to find a teen neighbour to sit with my son for 20 mins (picking daughter up isn't an issue as French club will be over by then). I may get lucky and find someone another Brownie parent who could take our daughter to Brownies and I do the return trip, but I definitely can't count on it.

Genuinely in two minds about this. I think the chances of anything happening to him in the 20 mins when he's just sitting in front of a laptop doing French are pretty minuscule. But equally I see a lot on here about how it's just Not The Done Thing to leave children home alone or let them out alone until they're at least of secondary age.

OP posts:
cptartapp · 09/07/2023 19:27

I used to get friends' parents to take for me and I would pick up.

scrivette · 09/07/2023 19:29

I would do this at age 9. I would make sure he knew what to do in the event of an emergency and know how to call you if he was concerned about anything.

Comedycook · 09/07/2023 19:35

Im quite risk averse but I think this sounds fine.

InSpainTheRain · 09/07/2023 19:38

If he's sensible and you're not far away and he can use a phone to call you or his DDad then I don't see a problem with it. Mostly he'll be on his French lesson so not getting into mischief.

toodlesofoodles · 09/07/2023 19:39

I would and did leave my kids at that age for short periods (up to an hour) they had a phone and we are good friends with both sets of neighbours.

It does all depend on the child. Talk him through what to do in an emergency, what not to do (use the stove, for instance) and make sure he can show you how to dial yours, DH and emergency services and what to say.

We have a ring doorbell but also probably tell him not to answer the door unless he knows who it is (eg grandparent/neighbour).

ActDottie · 09/07/2023 19:43

I think it’s fine as long as he has a way of contacting you.

Mooserp · 09/07/2023 19:46

I used to go home for lunch at this age and let myself into an empty house. It was quite normal. Lots of kids had no one at home after school.

I think we've become overly worried about such things.

LoisPrice · 09/07/2023 19:50

how far away in distance will you be

does your ds know how to get help if needed? who would he turn to?

if someone knocked the door would he answer?

crackofdoom · 09/07/2023 19:51

My 8 year old cannot bloody wait until I consider him old enough to leave at home for an hour or two so he doesn't have to trail along with me when I take his brother to activities! Maybe another year then, maybe a little longer....

IamfeelingConfused · 09/07/2023 19:51

I would - children can walk home from school at this age so I think they are fine to be at home - I just made sure they could hear so ie no headsets while listening to french.

ImSidneyFuckingPrescott · 09/07/2023 20:05

My DS2 is the same age and I leave him for similar short trips. In fact I do every Thursday to take younger DS to beavers. He's sensible, knows what his instructions are and can contact me if needs be.

At his age I'd only do short, local journeys.

Original poster
BarqsHasBite · 09/07/2023 20:06

Thanks all.
A couple of you have rightly flagged that the French club may have a safeguarding policy that an adult is meant to be present - this is indeed the case. I've a feeling someone is meant to be present in the room with the child but they definitely don't check this and I don't think anyone does. We all make the most of having our child occupied for an hour to get on with other things! But there is an outside chance that he may have IT issues and they say to him 'can you ask your Mum to take a look' and he'd have to admit I wasn't there (I wouldn't ask him to lie). But I'm not sure what they'd do - at worst remind me of the rules and threaten to chuck us out I suppose.

The Brownies is half a mile from us, a 9 minute walk away according to Google - it's very straightforward to get to, along one straight residential road that passes the end of our road. My son knows exactly where it is if he did need to try to find me though if there were any kind of emergency that meant he had to leave the house I'd tell him to go to one of our neighbours rather than look for me.

OP posts:
Weedoormatnomore · 09/07/2023 20:17

BarqsHasBite · 09/07/2023 20:06

Thanks all.
A couple of you have rightly flagged that the French club may have a safeguarding policy that an adult is meant to be present - this is indeed the case. I've a feeling someone is meant to be present in the room with the child but they definitely don't check this and I don't think anyone does. We all make the most of having our child occupied for an hour to get on with other things! But there is an outside chance that he may have IT issues and they say to him 'can you ask your Mum to take a look' and he'd have to admit I wasn't there (I wouldn't ask him to lie). But I'm not sure what they'd do - at worst remind me of the rules and threaten to chuck us out I suppose.

The Brownies is half a mile from us, a 9 minute walk away according to Google - it's very straightforward to get to, along one straight residential road that passes the end of our road. My son knows exactly where it is if he did need to try to find me though if there were any kind of emergency that meant he had to leave the house I'd tell him to go to one of our neighbours rather than look for me.

Could you do a phone call when you leave so you can hear your ds in the background till you get back. If French teachers asks for you just tell ds to say your in the toilet.

BeethovenNinth · 09/07/2023 20:18

I think it depends on child and where you live. Sensible child, safe area with neighbours you know is probably fine. Remote house and unpredictable child is not

Dixiechickonhols · 09/07/2023 20:25

Do you know any of other brownies mums? Car sharing is very common at ours. So another mum drop yours and you pick up theirs. It might be mutually beneficial eg you are in a bind at drop off but other mum might appreciate avoiding late pick up if she’s got a toddler to get to bed.

Nordicrain · 09/07/2023 20:39

i think it’s fine. I leave dd for short trips like that regularly. She has a phone so can call me or her dad and she knows all the neighbours/ her best friend lives around the corner.

Niftyswiftie · 09/07/2023 20:52

I'm going against the grain and saying I wouldn't. 9 is too young in my opinion and my ds was very sensible and mature.

HackettGreen · 09/07/2023 21:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

Member869894 · 09/07/2023 21:02

Absolutely fine

LoisPrice · 09/07/2023 23:23

if it’s a 9 minute walk, could you cycle with your dd to brownies? Or you cycle and dd scoots? That’s makeutfar quicker especially when you return

if French club ask tell your dd you have “ popped out back 5 minutes “ which is the truth

or you get aDBS taxi driver for your dd ti take her to brownies - but that does seem over kill for a 9 minute walk or 5 minute cycle

CurlewKate · 10/07/2023 14:46

During lockdown, my ds helped run an online children's drama club. If at any point he was "alone" with one of the children, he needed another adult in the room with him. I've just checked-they didn't have any rules about whether the children needed someone with them.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 10/07/2023 15:11

He could tell them that you are on the toilet if it ever raised then you can say you suffer with IBS.

Natsku · 10/07/2023 15:31

BarqsHasBite · 09/07/2023 19:03

Thanks all and thanks Delilah, I agree he is probably not equipped to deal with an emergency, but I am confident he would just stay put (he loves being at home and we often have to drag him out at weekends, even when we are going somewhere he should enjoy!).

I wouldn't leave him until you have talked to him about what to do in an emergency. Make sure he knows what to do if someone comes to the door, if there's a fire, if he gets scared (e.g. call you, or is there a neighbour he can go to?) etc. but apart from that, I wouldn't worry at all about leaving a sensible 9 year old home alone, they ought to be perfectly capable by that age.

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