To have nothing to do with my BIL (DH brother) and his part of the family...
I Flew halfway around to world to attend an important religious life celebration for my 12-year-old DN in London. My and DH's only holiday for the year as we live abroad, and a big investment with hotels, meals, event outfits, etc. I was so excited to celebrate with everyone as I rarely see his family!
A few days after we arrived went to BIL House for a catch-up. DH and I gave DN her present, a special gold and diamond necklace I had personally saved up for and purchased as an heirloom (typical for this type of celebration). She was thrilled! BIL and SIL would not acknowledge that the gift came from me and only referred to it as coming from DH (Uncle). Rude, but I decided to let this go - it's been a while since I have seen them since we moved away.
As we sat down to dinner at their house, my SIL started chatting to me about lab-created diamonds and that young people did not want real diamonds, etc. It was bizarre, to say the least, especially after the gift we just gave. Otherwise, everything was pleasant until my husband, and I went with BIL to walk their dog. We started talking about his half-brother just having a baby a year after he was married, and how lovely, etc. BIL turned around to us and said, "It's really very sad when people don't have babies after they get married." DH and I don't have kids yet, we have been married for five years. He then started poking to see if we had medical issues in a polite but invasive way and would not stop going on about it. We laughed it off since we have not even started trying and he backtracked...I was more than a little embarrassed as it felt like they had been gossiping that I had fertility issues at home.
During the week, I had some dental medical issues and went to the hospital, so I felt a little fragile. On Friday, there was a family get-together before the big day on Saturday for my DN event—mainly SIL's family. I did not go because I was not keen on having weird and difficult conversations like the other night when I was under the weather. My other BIL and MIL(Step mother to this BIL) were not attending, so it did not seem crucial. It was a buffet-style meal at SIL parent's house and not formal. My DH still went.
The next day I showed up at the main event (religious service), and my BIL greeted me. He immediately remarks that he can smell my perfume in an unpleasant way, making me feel very self-conscious. I ignore it, and I ask him where the bathroom is. He walks me over, and with no one around - he says jokingly that he will bill me for the food as I didn't show up last night. I apologized and reiterated that I had been in the hospital earlier in the week and was not feeling well enough to attend last night as I was on strong antibiotics.
During the service, the main speaker read all family names, including wives. I was not on the list, and my DH was a little upset about it. After the ceremony, we mixed and mingled with those in attendance. SIL's family refused to acknowledge me or make eye contact. We went to speak to BIL as we planned to head off and get ready for the main party later in the evening. My DH remarked to his DB that I was not named in the ceremony. BIL turns to me. "After you didn't show up last night, we deleted your name off the list of family members so you would not be included". I was shocked.
After I left the service, I burst into tears as this was so hurtful. This then led to me, arguing with DH, as I refused to attend the later event. DH felt caught between me and wanting to be there for his brother. I felt that it was as equally disrespectful to him that his own DB would not recognize me.
I don't want anything to do with BIL and SIL again. I am very fond of my DN. They were petty to remove my name and humiliate me in front of friends and family. Should I just get over this?