Would you let child go NC with NRP?

[HonoraryHufflepuff]

Child 12 wants to go NC with NRP. AIBU to allow this?
I have tried extensively over the past decade to facilitate a relationship between them but he is just disinterested
Child is fed up after all of these years to the point where they refuse to even respond to his inconsistent texts

From my POV he has never tried to build a relationship with child despite living 3 miles away, he has always paid bare min maintenance until 2yr ago as ’child benefit is enough to raise a child’, he contributes to nothing (clothing/trips/uniform)

I have an amazing relationship with my father so it’s hard to see my child have to endure this

No you are doing whatnyour kid needs right now, he is 12 not a toddler so can make some decisions for themselves. Please go through CMS and try and get what your DC is entitled too.

Be prepared for your child to change their mind several times as they grow up

Thankyou. It’s just such a big decision that I don’t want child to regret down the line.

CMS is pointless: he works off the books, always has. SE so even though I know he makes a fair whack (when he gets off his arse), he easy manipulates it look like he earns bare minimum

I guess at 12_they are capable of making their own mind up.
But I would keep.neutral.if they want to.reconnect at any point

My DC refused to see their father. They had good reason so I supported them.
They are a full grown adult who assures me I made the best decision for them.

This is my concern although this has been a long time coming IMO as child has been unhappy for years

If they go NC with him, I guarantee he will be petty should they try to reconnect in the future. He is a man child who will no doubt refuse to speak to child again

Thankyou! I don’t want child to make a decision that they will live to regret at such a young age but the alternative is to force a relationship neither of them want

The answer there is that HMRC would be interested in this, even if CMS (part of DWP) are not. Tax evasion through creative accounting is not something HMRC are at all keen on.

I think the best thing is to support your child in what they want to do. And, if you can afford it, possibly get them a counsellor who can help them
to talk openly and understand the implications of their decision. It’s a hard thing, but all you can do is be there and help to pick up the pieces.

It also sounds like you’re the one that’s having to push everything. So it’s possibly not ‘allowing’ the child do go NC but more respecting their wishes and not pushing to try to force a relationship.

If you stop pushing and contact stops, then it’s actually just him being useless. Your child can still decide what they want to do when (or if) their father gets in contact.

Report ex to CMS for mandatory reconsideration as his lifestyle doesn't match his declared earnings. Also report to HMRC he should be being tax and NI like the rest of us.

I would stop making the effort to facilitate but don't block it. Grey rock Ex if he asks.

Thankyou for the advice! I will contact HMRC as even though i can’t physically prove anything they can investigate if they feel inclined to
Yes it wouldn’t be me allowing it but allowing child to make an informed decision
I believe he won’t try to make contact if child stops. He barley sees child, just a few hours every few weeks so it won’t be a huge change

I have never gone through CMS with him as he has always said I would get less than he pays. What he paid weekly didn’t even cover school dinners but is still lost income that I now have to cover 😩

You don’t need to prove anything. The fact his lifestyle does not align with the income he reports for child maintenance (and therefore tax) is enough.

HMRC can investigate. They have powers.

Why did you believe him?

What is NRP?

Silly of me really but he said I would get less and that whatever I was awarded he would not top up if it was less than what he was paying. Also I had to take into account that CMS would count his other children possibly reducing the payment further

Non resident parent x

You will find yourself likely to be accused of parental alienation. My kids wanted to cut contact with their father but was told it was considered parental alienation

@HonoraryHufflepuff are the children following your lead of NC?
what is inconsistent with the texts?
is he a company director taking a minimum Salary? The flash car on business and flash lifestyle also businesses expenses possibly It’s £172 per week? If go on the CMS website and see they have a calculator to work out how much DC are entitled to.

Would low-contact be an option?

Yes, let them go NC. I went NC with my father at a similar age, best decision I made.

If he's a disinterested parent I highly doubt he'll try to pursue anything. My dad didn't even attempt to fight it after I decided to go NC.

At 12 there's not much they can do. They can't force someone to text back.

Yes. It is not your job to drive their relationship. You've done your best for 12 years. Now your child has expressed a clear desire to cut contact.

I think the best thing would be to accept that decision, but explain that if they change their mind, that is fine too, and you'll support whatever decision your child makes.

Why do you think it's likely? Without knowing all the history you are not in a position to know this.