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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When would you pay?

120 replies

Butterflyfluff · 08/07/2023 19:14

I’ve booked tickets for a concert for 8 people.

They are on my credit card so I said no rush to pay as it’s not due until the end of the month (in hindsight I shouldn’t have said this)

6 people paid straight away (as I would have done)

The last hasn’t and I know they won’t until the end of the month.

When would you pay (no one is short of money) - it’s more the hassle of having to check everyone has paid.

YANBU - just pay straight away so the person who booked doesn’t have to keep checking when everyone has paid

YABU - pay at the last minute

OP posts:
Bumblepig · 08/07/2023 22:22

Butterflyfluff · 08/07/2023 22:13

I’m not demanding they pay immediately

I’m asking what others would do in this situation

i don’t care if this person doesn’t pay as I’d sell the ticket

I’m of the view you settle up asap regardless

Most others clearly are too

Show quote history

Yes it seems that way doesn’t it. I’d stop checking if they’ve paid you to be honest, they’re obviously waiting until pay day as requested

Original poster
Butterflyfluff · 08/07/2023 22:24

Given as an option, not requested

That's the massive difference and what seems to divide the majority from the minority

OP posts:
WonderfulUsername · 08/07/2023 22:28

Butterflyfluff · 08/07/2023 21:47

So where does the monitoring come in?

It's common sense that people will message you when they've paid.

This is very telling about the differing view points people have.

I went to the trouble of booking tickets for everyone - they didn’t know at the time when I’d need to pay the bill, but they did know when the tickets went on sale.

Until they’ve all paid I need to keep it on my radar to chase anyone outstanding

If someone had gone to the trouble of booking something for them I’d pay them straight away so I wasn’t a hassle to them

But it’s clear there’s a minority who don’t think this way.

I'd pay straight away too but....

Until they’ve all paid I need to keep it on my radar to chase anyone outstanding

No you don't. You said yourself you were messaged by those who paid. It's not like you bought 100 tickets.

You know exactly who didn't pay because you didn't get a message from them.

You're kind of making it into a far bigger 'hassle' than it really is.

Original poster
Butterflyfluff · 08/07/2023 22:33

WonderfulUsername · 08/07/2023 22:28

I'd pay straight away too but....

Until they’ve all paid I need to keep it on my radar to chase anyone outstanding

No you don't. You said yourself you were messaged by those who paid. It's not like you bought 100 tickets.

You know exactly who didn't pay because you didn't get a message from them.

You're kind of making it into a far bigger 'hassle' than it really is.

Show quote history

It’s not a massive hassle but, until everyone has paid I have to check to see when people have.

You're clearly in the bucket of people who think it’s fine to take as long as possible, even when you know it’s not the norm.

Its not a biggie but it does have an impact on your perception of people.

It’s basically about whether you prioritise other people’s convince over your own, when they’ve done you a favour.

OP posts:
kayserah · 08/07/2023 22:35

This thread is bizarre 😂 an option was
given to pay at the end of the month which one person seems to be taking. You say you don’t need money immediately.

what’s the issue?

Original poster
Butterflyfluff · 08/07/2023 22:37

kayserah · 08/07/2023 22:35

This thread is bizarre 😂 an option was
given to pay at the end of the month which one person seems to be taking. You say you don’t need money immediately.

what’s the issue?

If you don’t get it, you don’t get it

OP posts:
WonderfulUsername · 08/07/2023 22:38

Butterflyfluff · 08/07/2023 22:33

It’s not a massive hassle but, until everyone has paid I have to check to see when people have.

You're clearly in the bucket of people who think it’s fine to take as long as possible, even when you know it’s not the norm.

Its not a biggie but it does have an impact on your perception of people.

It’s basically about whether you prioritise other people’s convince over your own, when they’ve done you a favour.

Show quote history

You're clearly in the bucket of people who think it’s fine to take as long as possible, even when you know it’s not the norm.

Because I'm disagreeing with you? Confused

I've already said I'd pay straight away?

But you don't have to keep checking because everyone bar one person messaged you to say they'd paid, so why would you check? And even if you did, it's so quick to simply press a couple of buttons on your phone.

Honestly, just say what you mean in future if you're this put out by someone taking you up on your offer of leaving it till the end of the month.

Curtains70 · 08/07/2023 22:39

You gave people 2 options the majority of people took option A and 1 person took option B and you decided to turn it into some weird observation of human behaviour. Very strange.

Tosire · 08/07/2023 22:40

This is really irritating. I would have paid straight away but if I had received a message saying you didn't have to pay it until the end of the month so it didn't matter when it was paid as long as it was in for the end of the month I may then have paid it later. Why send the message saying that there was no rush to pay it when you are actually sitting counting when people pay it making judgements?

kayserah · 08/07/2023 22:44

Butterflyfluff · 08/07/2023 22:37

If you don’t get it, you don’t get it

Show quote history

all I’m getting is that you said one thing when you really wanted another.

lesson learned, be more direct
next time OP or direct them to the unwritten rule book as dictated by mumsnet

Tosire · 08/07/2023 22:44

You were right when your said that you didn't have to pay your credit card until the end of the month so it didn't matter if your friends didn't pay you in advance. There is a dick in this situation.

Chocolatelabradorsarethebest · 08/07/2023 22:47

Butterflyfluff · 08/07/2023 22:37

If you don’t get it, you don’t get it

Show quote history

OP you seem to think you’re far superior because you’d pay straight away, being snooty about the ‘minority’ as you keep pointing out. Your ‘friends’ have done nothing wrong, they’re going to pay you when you’ve asked them too. I think in the future don’t offer to buy anything on behalf of people, it’s obviously far too stressful.

DinkeyDonkey · 08/07/2023 22:48

OP you are being really obtuse and sound like hard work tbh.

You said they don't need to pay until the wend of the month but then you've started a thread about it on Mumsnet and seek to be telling people who don't agree with you that they're in the minority and dismiss them.

I would pay straight away if someone else had booked for me but on the other hand I wouldn't tell someone i was happy to wait for my credit card bill if I wasn't. I have recently booked flights for a group to go on holiday and I said I didn't need to be paid until my credit card payment is due and I meant it.

Original poster
Butterflyfluff · 08/07/2023 22:51

I’m not telling anyone they’re in the minority - the vote has done that - if you’d leave it as long as possible to pay you’re in the minority

OP posts:
VisionsOfSplendour · 08/07/2023 22:53

Butterflyfluff · 08/07/2023 22:33

It’s not a massive hassle but, until everyone has paid I have to check to see when people have.

You're clearly in the bucket of people who think it’s fine to take as long as possible, even when you know it’s not the norm.

Its not a biggie but it does have an impact on your perception of people.

It’s basically about whether you prioritise other people’s convince over your own, when they’ve done you a favour.

Show quote history

To avoid the checking issue why not set your banking to send you a notification when money is paid in? I'm assuming. Obviously that you are in the modern era of having a banking app

Butterfly44 · 08/07/2023 22:54

I like to pay straight away. If someone said no rush I might think I'll do it later that eve than there and then. The problem is it might go out my mind if I do that!

If I know for certain I can't pay till day following week when pay comes in I would text the person to let them know

misskatamari · 08/07/2023 22:54

I think this kind of situation, ideally, people pay straight away. But you’ve given them the option to do so before the end of the month - so maybe they think “need to do that, but it’s not urgent” so don’t. And then because there isn’t a deadline which is soon, they probably keep remembering “need to do that, but it’s okay, I’m busy, and I’ve got a while yet, it’s not urgent” and then don’t, because they don’t feel the urgency. It’s likely on their to do list but because you have told them no rush, they aren’t rushing. At least that’s what I imagine could likely be happening.

in future I would just ask for money straight away. You say you’re not bothered but you’ve also said it’s making you view this person less favourably, which is quite unfair seeing as you’ve told them no rush. You shouldn’t hold it against them if you haven’t asked for the money now

iwishiwasonhol · 08/07/2023 22:55

I would pay straight away ,if couldnt pay until payday i would message you to let you know ,however as someone who has booked things for people before i always give a date earlier than i need the money ,and have asked for the money upfront from those who are unreliable

Original poster
Butterflyfluff · 08/07/2023 23:04

VisionsOfSplendour · 08/07/2023 22:53

To avoid the checking issue why not set your banking to send you a notification when money is paid in? I'm assuming. Obviously that you are in the modern era of having a banking app

Show quote history

God no, I’ve literally never heard of a banking app! You are amazing! 🤔🤔🤔

The point is, however you monitor it, until everyone has paid, you need to check some how.

OP posts:
Bumblepig · 08/07/2023 23:06

Butterflyfluff · 08/07/2023 22:51

I’m not telling anyone they’re in the minority - the vote has done that - if you’d leave it as long as possible to pay you’re in the minority

If you want the person to pay sooner than the end of the month, then you need to tell them. £100 is a lot of money for some people to find at short notice though and as they had been told it ok to pay later maybe they had already spent the £100.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

ltappleby · 08/07/2023 23:07

I’m the Treasurer for a small group and I’m always straightforward. I say please pay by a given date (say 18th July) and as soon as people don’t pay I send gently worded email reminders, if I need to send more than one then the wording becomes more firm!
I haven’t reached the nuclear option yet so I can’t help you with that!

Original poster
Butterflyfluff · 08/07/2023 23:13

Bumblepig · 08/07/2023 23:06

If you want the person to pay sooner than the end of the month, then you need to tell them. £100 is a lot of money for some people to find at short notice though and as they had been told it ok to pay later maybe they had already spent the £100.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Show quote history

Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

However these tickets are several hundred pounds, which was very well known - and the whole weekend will be a lot more than that

If funds are short then there was no obligation to join in

And I didn’t say until after I’d booked, when my credit card bill was due

OP posts:
Bumblepig · 08/07/2023 23:27

For that amount of money seriously you should have asked for it upfront. I was thinking 100-200 not several hundred.

Has anything been mentioned from the person about payment, or any other discussion about the weekend?

Original poster
Butterflyfluff · 08/07/2023 23:29

Bumblepig · 08/07/2023 23:27

For that amount of money seriously you should have asked for it upfront. I was thinking 100-200 not several hundred.

Has anything been mentioned from the person about payment, or any other discussion about the weekend?

Nope!

I'm honestly not worried about the money - I could sell this ticket several times over

It’s the principle

OP posts:
Isitisit · 08/07/2023 23:34

Depends who it is - Usually straight away.

Best friend or family, if it was more convenient for me to wait and they said no hurry I’d probably check with them that the date I had in mind was suitable as I know they’d tell me if it wasn’t and we can talk openly about finances.