To think this isn’t rude?

[Barbarawindsor1]

MIL has corrected me a couple of times now for saying this so wanted to get wider views… when talking directly to DH I have referred to her as ‘your mum’ e.g. ‘Your mum and I were just saying if the weather’s bad tomorrow we should go to XYZ’ - she then corrects me and says ‘Linda’. It feels artificial to say that to me and I don’t think I’m being rude? She doesn’t have a problem with me referring to her as ‘Grandma’ to DC. Obviously when I’m addressing her directly I use her name.

If I was talking to DP I would automatically say 'your mum', because that's how he knows her. He doesn't know her as Linda (unless he calls her Linda too, which would be unusual).

I agree with you op. I would say the same.

This, exactly.

I would refer to MiL as "Nan said......" because that is what the dc call her. So I would refer to her, if speaking to dh as "Your Mom said", because that is what he calls her.

She probably uses your name rather than saying "your wife and I..." So wants the same respect.

That logic doesn't follow through though, as my dh calls his Mum "Mom", whereas he doesn't call me "wife".

Mum / Mom / Mam is someone's 'name' to their dc..... the thing you would say if trying to get their attention, whereas 'wife' isn't.

I would never say MIL actual name in this context.

If my husbands parents were round for dinner, I might say something like 'your mums glass needs topping up if you are going to the fridge' to my husband. It would sound bloody weird if I said her name.

And yeah as others have pointed out, my husband doesn't call me 'wife' so it would make no sense if someone used it in that context instead of my name.

I'm the same OP, it would be -'your Mum'. It will be a hard habit for you to break.

I think its weird to say to your husband "Linda and I were just saying" he doesn't call her Linda he calls her mum, so "your mum and I" makes more sense. She is weird.

I'd naturally say "your mum" too.

Call her by name to the DC and see what response you get.

I don't see an issue at all. I used to say "your Dad was just saying" as I'm addressing my husband about his Dad.

She's a bit old fashioned. It's the same as "she said"

Maybe she wants you to see her as her own person, not a possession of your DH by referring to her as "your mum." A bit like when a child is in hospital and is referred to as "mum."

It is strange though.

I would refer to DH’s dad as “your dad” if we are discussing him when he is not here. But if he is here I would use his name. I find it weird that you think using another adults name is strange.

YANBU as the poll suggests. Ignore the weirdos on MN who thinks it's normal.

She doesn't get to dictate how you refer to her.

"Would you like any more, Linda? - Jack, top your mum's glass up while you're pouring"

Clutching at straws, perhaps she's attempting to reassure you that she has no objection to being addressed by her first name? I'm from a circle that traditionally expected people to address in-laws as Mum and Dad. Fifteen years after his wedding, my father was still experimenting with how to address his MiL (his diary contains an entry referring to "Mrs P") before eventually getting comfortable enough with "Mary" by about 1980. When we married in 1992 there were still some sharp intakes of breath at me using ILs' first names. (Even though I'd been addressing even-older people at church as Esther, Doug, etc for several years by this point.)

She’s being weird. If I’m talking to DP about MIL I would say “your mum” and he would do the same. If I was talking to DSD about DP I would say “Dad” and if I was referring to MIL, I would say “nanny”. No one has been offended by this in my house (so far!)

@CherieBabySpliffUp

A bit like when a child is in hospital and is referred to as "mum."

I absolutely love it when HCP / nursery staff call me "Mum". Sometimes it makes me want to well up (soppy gobshite aren't I 😂) because I feel so privileged to be a Mum and so full of love for my child!
I know a lot of women hate it though- to use that awful MN phrase "makes their teeth itch"

Ask her directly if it’s an etiquette thing or just her preference. Just plead ignorant and interested. I’ve never heard of that and would always say as you do, ‘your mum.’

It's not rude but she obviously doesn't like it so you should stop.

Does DH say “Your mum” when referring about you to your DC ? Or does he say mum? There is a difference.

I have honestly never heard anyone use a parent in laws first name in the context she is requesting.

If I'm talking to MIL or FIL directly, obviously I use their name.

If I'm talking to DH or SIL about their parent, I'll say "your mum/your dad", regardless of whether or not they're present.

I couldn't imagine saying to DH "angie wants you to call her tonight" because that's not what he calls her. However, if it matters to her then I'd use it in front of her, or avoid it totally - "we were just saying, let's sacrifice a goat for tonight's festivities"

If I was talking TO DMIL I'd say Angie. If I was talking to the kids I'd say Nan. If I was talking to DH I'd say your Mom. If I was talking to the neighbour I'd say Angie. It's about what the person you're talking to knows them as

It's not the same. I'd assume DH refers to OPs mum as "your mum", rather than "Sophie said".

Surely most people use both anyway, depending on context? I definitely refer to my husband as "your dad" to my stepkids. Be weird as fuck if I started using his first name.

"Listen to your dad?", "Dad's calling you Maisie".

Linda is being weird here. You're using your husband's name for her when talking about her to him.

She's weird

I'd definitely say your mum and not use her name in this scenario