AIBU to refuse to wake baby from nap?

[Scotlandma]

DH always makes plans without factoring nap time he’s now gone and invited his sister over (who I like) bang on when DS falls asleep DS is likely to be asleep for up to 2 hours and he’s currently dropping his evening nap so will be very grumpy for the rest of the day when we still need to go food shopping.

AIBU I’ve previously stopped DS napping when DH has made plans with friends and it’s awful constant moaning and on of tears from DS

For background DS is 16 months

Have the sister over and let the baby nap? I’m sure both are possible

Definitely still having the sister over but she has come just to see DS

YANBU

I refused to interrupt nap times for anything other than Doctors appointments

Tough. He's not an entertainment system.

Assume you are a first time parent? Good luck with the nap schedule with the second.
Why let a babies nap rule your life, they are 16 Months, not a newborn.

@butterfliesandbee it's not 'ruling her life, it's letting a small child sleep when he needs to.

I have a 13 month old and I wouldn't skip his nap for this! DP has terrible form for arranging things at difficult times, I just make him change it! Can you not just send her a message and say they'll be sleeping between say 12 - 2 so why not come over after this?

This massively depends on the child. Some kids really really struggle when there routine is messed up while others deal better. And I say that as a parent to 3 kids.

My middle child was an absolute nightmare if he didn't get his nap and I wouldn't have kept him awake just to entertain his aunt.

OP I would let him nap and say to SIL oh DS naps from 12-2, next time pop by before or after.

Rubbish. My 5mo naps when she needs it and I'll continue to facilitate this for her for as long as she needs it. The 3.5yo is either at nursery or playing quietly!

Do and his sister pop out and do the food shop. By the time they come back ds will be awake. Sorted.

You just message her since you like her and say I’m not sure what Dh was thinking as ds naps exactly the time of your visit, so if you want to see him is there another time? We’d love to see you anyway of course but I am guessing we aren’t the main attraction 😂

tbe other really important thing to do I’d every time ds gets woken for dhs convenience he also looks after him for the rest of the days grumpiness. ‘No i can’t help, I help every day by making sure he naps well. You want to cancel that, you don’t put the fallout on me.’

I read somewhere that babies/toddlers brains grow when they nap. Maybe Google it as evidence to back you up.

@butterfliesandbee that's such a sweeping statement. I didn't have any routine for my first but with second I absolutely needed and stick to as it made life easier which is exactly what I needed with all the extra struggles of having two.

Same

Explain to SIL that DS is napping and don’t wake him. It’s really not that hard.

Just say to dh "have you told your sister that ds will be asleep when she visits?"

I would just go food shopping and leave DH at home with the baby and his sister. Nap or not. I wouldn't wait for a child to nap so we could both go buy some food.

I would not wake a sleeping child just so a relative can see them awake.

I expect sil is hoping to spend some fun interaction with her nephew so over tired and upset toddler probably worse than napping one. What i am trying to say is it doesnt benefit sil anyway. Hopefully she can wait until after nap, if not photos and stories of how he is doing will do.

I don't think this is a first time other thing at all. I have four, and only one of them was ever woken from naps (because otherwise he would sleep for so long that his blood sugar would dip, and he would be shaking when he woke up).
Sometimes we would have visitors who wanted to see the baby, and they could do that, but weren't allowed to wake them.

Why let naps rule your life? Night sleep, child’s mood, child’s need for sleep.

At 16 months my daughter needed her nap more than ever, and the timing is more set as they’re down to 1 or 2 naps. Without it or compromising it she would have been tearful and awful all day and woken all night. Newborn erratic nap schedules are far easier and they have far more opportunities to catch up. As for my second, he’s on a strict schedule and it makes life much easier – more 1-2-1 time parent time for the eldest DC while the baby naps, we can eat lunch together without having to deal with a baby, DD can go to parties and play dates with one parent while the baby stays at hom napping, etc.

Can't he just change the time with her? Or you message her and explain if you get on well

I wouldn't wake him, but I would message SIL and let her know that DH has suggested a time that means she's unlikely to see much of DS, and would she prefer to come over at X time instead?

DD1 was very fussy about her routine, and waking her from her nap would have turned her into a nightmare for the rest of the day and most of the night too. DD2 napped whenever, wouldn't have minded being woken, and would have just fallen asleep on whoever was holding her once she'd had enough. Some babies cope, some really don't.

Either she does come and misses your son or you/husband ask her to come another time. Visits aren't written in blood