AIBU to refuse to wake baby from nap?

[Scotlandma]

DH always makes plans without factoring nap time he’s now gone and invited his sister over (who I like) bang on when DS falls asleep DS is likely to be asleep for up to 2 hours and he’s currently dropping his evening nap so will be very grumpy for the rest of the day when we still need to go food shopping.

AIBU I’ve previously stopped DS napping when DH has made plans with friends and it’s awful constant moaning and on of tears from DS

I've got 5 kids and I absolutely would not wake them for this! If baby needs to sleep they need to sleep.

He needs his sleep and is not a toy.

Send them out to do the shopping today and aet up an online shop for home delivery from now on.

She’ll just have to wait until he’s finished his nap then.

Why doesn't your h suggest she arrives 2 hours later so he's awake ? One of you can go out and do the food shop while he sleeps.

If I had skipped a nap just for dd to see relatives they’d just have seen her whinge and tantrum! Or cling to me and refuse to move off my lap.

my ds was easier, less driven by routine.

mil had lots of comments about the child ruling the roost. Smile and nod. Smile and nod. And say, “how about coming at 3pm next time?”

Definitely wouldn’t wake baby for this. I was also more regimented with nap for second than first, as lack of sleep/ out of routine had bigger impact on family life whereas with first we could roll with it a bit more .

I expect sil is hoping to spend some fun interaction with her nephew
Fun interaction with a 16 month old child that is not even her own 😁😁
The highlight of her week. 😁😁

Exactly.
But if your DH is happy for her to come over just to see ds, he needs to invite her at a time when he's awake.

Why is food shopping a "we" activity? One stays home with ds (asleep or awake) and the other does the shop.

I get horribly judged by a childfree family member for always prioritising my DD's nap but if she doesn't get the tantrum-ing is awful.

I'd rather take the judgement 🤣🤣.

I definitely wouldn't wake her!

My second has the same nap routine as my first. I don't understand why you think that's unattainable

To be fair, I had a toddler and a new born and was definitely not a slave to my youngest's sleep schedule! But I would aim to have a few days at home so youngest could get a long nap in bed. Then was happy for him to sleep on the go on days out.

I'd be annoyed if I'd planned for a day at home to have that changed.

Not helpful. I have more than one child. If anyone had disturbed my 2nds naptime all hell would have broke lose.

You still had an evening nap at 16 months, wow! Lucky if I can get one nap out of my non sleeping 8 month old.

I was able to have a pretty strict sleep schedule with my 3 year old because he was born in lockdown. And I've kept it up, still going strong on the lunchtime nap and I plan things around it. He's much happier when he's slept so that means anything we do in the afternoon is much more enjoyable for everyone.

I don't really see the issue.
Just text SiL and say - "it will be lovely to see you and you know you are welcome here anytime, but just so you know, dc will be asleep at that time and not up again until X o'clock ish, so (as we know it is him you want to see really) you might be better coming over at X time.
Up to you. Let me know"

@noglow do you consider your parents or friends to be 'entertainment systems' if not why do you visit them?

Tell SIL that she is welcome to come over but baby will be asleep for two hours so maybe she’s like to rearrange?

@butterfliesandbee

daft & nasty comment.

it's not PFB to want your child to have the naps they need to be happy. It's not fair depriving them of sleep unnecessarily. When you have subsequent children you can arrange nap times to suit your schedule.

'childs best interest' rules your life, for decent parents anyway. Good parents care that their children have their needs met & feel comfortable & happy.

@Scotlandma

id drop her a text to say 'it'll be lovely to see you today, but your brother continually forgets that DS naps between x&y & is 'too grumpy & out of sorts' if he misses his nap! Come as early as you like, we can have lunch/coffee uninterrupted before DS wakes up or come later if you prefer (I understand we're not the 'main act' 😂😂)
xx

Has DH said he'll just wake DS up when she arrives or that it doesn't matter if DS is napping?