To be annoyed over this or is it me that's wrong?

[Lill1e]

So basically I've been seeing someone after being separated the last couple of years. He is a fabulous person. Like night and day compared to my exh.

However I saw another side to him last night. We live in a small town where I know people but didn't go to school here so never meet anyone I know from when I was young. He grew up here so knows everyone. Last night when we were out a guy around our own age started making conversation with both of us and it turned out he was from where I went to school and we knew LOADS of people I went to school with and haven't seen in years.
I was really caught up in the conversation and enjoying it and didn't realise my partner felt uncomfortable at not being included in the conversation although i felt he was included and that we were basically talking about and telling him about times long ago, funny stories etc.
After we left the bar my partner got really pissed off and accused me of leaving him sitting there like a lemon and chatting to this man for over an hour! I really don't think it was that long and I thought we had gotten over it and enjoyed the rest of our night but when we got him he went on about it again and again today. He's still just sitting around thinking and saying he's fine when I ask if he's still mad. I've apologised at making him uncomfortable and explained I didn't do it intentionally but he's still acting like I've cheated on him or something. I think it's a bit of an over reaction do you or am I in the wrong? It's head wrecking. My partner works away a lot and goes out a lot when away and I don't give him grief over it. I just don't get it. Any advice?

Also just want to add we've been together for a year or more so it's not a new relationship

Well I wouldn't be very impressed if my partner bascially ignored me for an hour whilst reminiscing with an old friend. Whilst you say that you were including him in the conversation and telling him about times long ago and funny stories, they were times and stories that did not involve him, so he probably didn't want to hear them.

Having said that, he does seem to be sulking a bit.

Yes I'd be annoyed of this happened to me, but if I then told my partner how I felt and he was genuinely sorry about it I'd move on. Life's too short to hold on to that sort of thing.

How dare you have a long conversation with another man!

Simply, he could have joined in on the conversation or talked to someone else whilst you were reminiscing. You've done nothing wrong and he's a jealous sulky arse. Either get him told or make a sharp exit from the relationship.

A couple of months back, I was out with my newish man, and in the middle of a city neither of us lives in, we suddenly met someone he'd worked with around 15 years ago. I found it interesting hearing about all these people I didn't know, because it's part of his history.

I can see how it could feel excluding, but every now and then I'd get an aside of, "Jane used to work in the same department," or something, so it was clear I wasn't forgotten, even though I couldn't add anything.

Mind you, I am often the one who knows about people from the past, and I was brought up by my mother who would often launch into tales of someone's mother, when I hadn't seen hide nor hair of thst someone since infant school, or had been in my sister's year or something, so it's all quite normal chatter to me.

This would have frustrated me if I was out with my husband. It’s not as if they were an old friend just someone who lives where you used to live and you both knew the same people. An hour if you’re excluded from the conversation is a long time.
I’d have spoken up though and not sulked.

Yes I even said that myself I'd be annoyed if he did it to me but he wasn't being ignored he just took himself out of the conversation. I have apologised about 100 times and mean it from the bottom of my heart. I would never intentionally hurt him but to be still going on about it is making me feel like I'm some sort of tramp that was flirting in a corner with some guy. The three of us were at the same table all night. It was completely innocent. I'm heartbroken that he may be having doubts about us because of this. And to make matters worse I'm supposed to meet a friend tonight for a show and now I don't know if I should even go!!

Well you’ve apologised enough. If he can’t accept it, not much you can do. He needs to grow up and stop sulking. Go out with your friend tonight, and enjoy yourself.

Don't be with someone you have to apologize 100 times to, or plead to know if he is "still mad."

Seriously.

On one hand I'd find that awkward and uncomfortable too, but I'd get over it, especially if the person acknowledged how I felt and apologised.

There's really no reason for him to continue sulking and making you feel so guilty. What you did wasn't that bad.

Don't cancel on your friend tonight. Go out and enjoy yourself. If he makes you feel guilty for going out tonight then you know this one's not a keeper.

This.

It's nothing to do with him feeling left out, it's that it was a man you were talking to.

Don't ignore this now because you will regret it down the line when he shows more of his true colours. Bin the loser.

Oh, and you should absolutely still go out with your friend tonight. If you don't, he has already shown you that he can sulk to control your behaviour. It won't stop here.

I don’t think it was because it was a bloke, but it was an exclusionary conversation in which he couldn’t invest because he doesn’t know anyone mentioned. I’d be really pissed off if my DH was talking about something I knew nothing about. This is why I never go on his work outings anymore, it’s all about people he works with, obviously. Very happy for him to go off and enjoy himself without me, but if we’re out together, I’d hope he’d be more inclusive.

Go out with your friend and enjoy yourself.

Fair enough to say that he felt like a gooseberry, but not to keep the ‘woe is me’ and making you feel like you’ve cheated.

Ho out and enjoy yourself. Don’t feel guilty at going out. He’s got to fort his feelings out, not hit. You’ve apologised and explained. Job done.

I think you were pretty rude, how can he participate in an hour long conversation when he doesn’t know the people you are talking about. There is no reason for him to still be sulking though.

He could’ve made an effort to join in the conversation rather than sitting there sulking. I wouldn’t mind at all if this happened and I was the partner unless it was our only date night in a year or something. I’d just join in and chat. You haven’t done anything wrong, he’s an arse

Like night and day compared to my exh. a lot of people fall into this trap. Just because he isn't your ex husband doesn't mean he's perfect for you

I agree with this assessment

How does he treat you in conversations when you are sat with a friend of his?

What is he like when you are both out with other friends that are mainly yours?

You’ve apologised and meant it, if he continues to sulk then don’t try to appease him anymore.

Yep.

The three of us were at the same table all night. It was completely innocent.

Was it just the two of you out together, like a date night? How come this person you ran into spent the whole night with you two? Were they out with no friends?

Okay… Ask yourself if you did anything actually wrong? No. Why the fuck are you apologizing. Tell him that sulking is an especially unattractive trait and he can grow up and apologize to you.

Well he has shown another side to him but will you fall into the trap of trying to bring him out of his sulky behaviour

Unless you both turned you backs on him he is being ridiculous he isn’t a child that needs to be entertained

The three of us were at the same table all night.

Was it "over an hour" like you say in your OP, or the whole night?

I'd be pretty pissed off if one of DH's mates tagged along with us for the entire night, to be honest. Ideally you should have swapped numbers and caught up with him another time.

But your DP shouldn't still be sulking a whole day later.