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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is mad?

48 replies

Emprexia · 24/02/2008 17:57

This is more of a WWYD than an AIBU.. but still.

You've been trying for a baby for a year, you found out 4 weeks ago you were pregnant.

You've had all the early symptoms and wake up one day while 8wks and they're gone.
The next day you notice spotting.

Do you
a)email your dr and agree to go see him the next morning.
b) book a taxi and get your ass to the hospital and checked over

Guess which she's doing sigh and no, its not b.

OP posts:
Jill60 · 24/02/2008 18:00

Well to be honest I don't think she's mad. I would probably go to EPU but that's because I have NO patience. If she is miscarrying then there is little that can be done at this stage apart from wait and see so seeing the dr tomorrow is reasonable.

cornsilk · 24/02/2008 18:00

Would it make any difference if she did b though?

hunkermunker · 24/02/2008 18:01

Why are you taking this tone about it?

pedilia · 24/02/2008 18:01

I would also go to the EPU but maybe she has her reasons for wanting to see her GP instead, as Jill says is she is miscarrying then there is little that can be done although I would want to know sooner rather than later.
But then we are al different

Original poster
Emprexia · 24/02/2008 18:03

because she's worrying... and i can't do anything about it, so i'm venting a little... i'm of the opinion that knowing one way or the other is better than spending the next 24 hours worrying herself to death over it.

OP posts:
pollywobbledoodle · 24/02/2008 18:03

when i thought i was miscarrying on a sunday i spoke with my gp who said rest overnight because it is the only thing that you can do....frustrating that nothing can be done medically...

ivykaty44 · 24/02/2008 18:04

Unfortunatley if something has happened there is nothing that can be done, seeing the gp today or Monday morning will make no difference.

Your friend needs to do things her own way and needs your support, comfort and kindness.

LIZS · 24/02/2008 18:04

If she's not booked onto the system maybe she doesn't think she can go to EPU. Probably would n't change the outcome anyway . Is she outside UK ? (can't imagine emailling a dr on a Sunday otherwise?)

cornsilk · 24/02/2008 18:04

Miscarraiges are the pits. At least she's got you looking out for her.

pollywobbledoodle · 24/02/2008 18:05

she may want not to believe it for a while, we are all different....

RBH · 24/02/2008 18:06

To be honest the hospital might do nothing. When I was having my second miscarriage at Xmas 2005 they wouldn't scan me even though I just wanted to know what was happening. I had to wait til EPU reopened a week later by which time it was all over and done with.

Original poster
Emprexia · 24/02/2008 18:07

She's in the US.. i just hate not being able to do anything for her.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 24/02/2008 18:08

she isn;t mad

if she is going to miscarry, then nothing will stop that

if you want to do something, email her with a supportive message rather than starting a thread asking if she is mad.

Twiglett · 24/02/2008 18:08

I'd do a to be honest

spotting can be normal, nothing a doctor can do anyway apart from refer you to EPU

TotalChaos · 24/02/2008 18:10

Nothing will change the outcome, and over the weekend in UK you would be highly unlikely to get an early scan, don't know if US is different. So YABU.

hatrick · 24/02/2008 18:11

This reply has been deleted

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Boco · 24/02/2008 18:11

I would do a aswell. There's nothing that can actually be done if she is, and so I'd probably try to rest and stay calm rather than rushing off to hospitals to sit in waiting rooms. She sounds sane. I hope she's ok and that the spotting is nothing serious.

hatrick · 24/02/2008 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mustsleep · 24/02/2008 18:21

when i was having my miscarriage i went straight to the docs as they said there was nothing they could do and to just rest as the spotting might just stop

went back cos couldn;t wait and got refered to the hospital with mild spotting for the day after the scanner then did an internal scan and writhed it around

after that i started bleeding bright red blood and lost the baby shortly after that, and i have always blamed that internal scan

if i started spotting this time i think i would do as your friend is doing and take things as they come instead of stressing out about being refered to the hospital straight away

surely she needs your support not judgement

hunkermunker · 24/02/2008 18:24

I don't think she's mad.

Different from you, perhaps, but not mad.

Why is it yours to vent about? You're of one opinion, she's of another. It's a sad situation if she is miscarrying. Be kind.

Original poster
Emprexia · 24/02/2008 18:30

Lulumama and Mustsleep... don't you think i know that.. and she's getting nothing less than my full support and sympathetic ear and advice and has done the entire time she was TTC and been happy about being pregnant.

Just because i'm asking you what you think doens't mean i'm stupid, tactless or uncaring enough to even hint that i don't necessarily agree with waiting to her... i'm actually disgusted you'd think i was any of those things.

OP posts:
TotalChaos · 24/02/2008 18:36

Kaishay - just because there is something she could theoretically do now - go to emergency room - doesn't mean that she's wrong for not doing it - as it's just likely to be stressful for her whilst not improving the outcome.

edam · 24/02/2008 18:37

Well, your OP was very critical of your friend. Who is, in fact, being entirely sensible. Hardly surprising if some people thought you were being unkind.

yurt1 · 24/02/2008 18:40

I'd do (and did) do a.

I can't just go to EPU - have other children that need looking after.

dividedself · 24/02/2008 18:42

How so mad?

There isn't a whole lot one can do in the early stages and goign to hospitral in a mad rush can be very traumatising and possibly make things worse.

I speak from experience of sorts.