5 year old so rude and disrespectful to me

[Cantlastsixweeksofthis]

Is this normal?

Dd is speaking to me rudely, for example if I bring toast, she’ll almost shout ‘I wanted cereal!’ Today she said ‘You’re doing everything wrong!’ Or she’ll say ‘I said not like that!’ It’s getting embarrassing in public and I have to admit I get angry at her as rudeness is my pet peeve, she sounds bratty and spoilt. She’s a lovely, fun, smart girl, but not when she is like this.
Can’t help wondering what I’m doing wrong and how to deal with this?

Who cares if it’s happening in public?

Don’t parent for Doris down the road like so many do. Parent your actual child and sod everyone else.

@Easterbunny23 interesting. My 4yo has started getting self-conscious about falling/hurting himself in front of people; probably sense of embarrassment developing. He now won’t let me ask if he’s ok or offer a cuddle.

I agree with this, but as a teacher you will know that modelling is only part of the learning process. Children need support to apply their learning and a big part of this is swift, meaningful feedback. I agree that we should model the behaviour we want children to imitate, but they also need firm boundaries and redirection. I'm a Year 1 teacher with a 5 year old myself. I am a calm and respectful in my interactions with children, but my own kids still test the boundaries and that needs to be addressed, there and then. Modelling can only go so far. When I was doing my teacher training, one of my lecturers said 'with children, always make the implicit explicit' and that has been my mantra for almost two decades.

Nature.

Nurture.

Teachers aren't in the main evolutionary psychologists. Being 'slow approach', shy or quiet are very stable, heritable traits. Fortunately, being judgemental isn't. It's a choice.

My son was like this at that age and what really helped was talking about it when he was calm and explaining that being cross is ok but being unkind isn't.

I found it really helped to focus on what he can do when he's cross to help relieve that urge to lash out (shouting, stamping feet, punching a pillow) rather than what he can't. This then means that you can redirect it when it happens with an alternative and it means they aren't compounding whatever went wrong originally with a post meltdown guilt/telling off for rudeness.

Injuries are a flash point for my son too - he doesn't want sympathy or cuddles, just to be left alone so I respect that and leave him to it until he's ready for a bit of commiseration. I'd focus on taking the personal attacks out while reassuring that we all feel frustrated and angry, but we don't need to ruin someone else's day over it!

I can sympathise. My 6 year old can be similar and I get angry too if he's repeatedly rude to me. I will speak in a calm voice initially but do admit if he persists I do lose my temper. We're all human at the end of the day.

I despair at some of these replies. My children have on occasions tried this and a simple, “nope. The way you’re speaking is rude and won’t be tolerated.” Or “do NOT speak to me like that” followed by the nice, pleasant way as an example. They repeat it back nicely and THEN they get what they want.

Never would I give my kids something if they didn’t say please or spoke rudely to me. Equally, I say please and thank you to them, speak kindly and respectfully and model good behaviour.

All this ‘ignore’ it and ‘wait for them to calm down’ crap is indulgent nonsense.

Thanks @DysmalRadius and @7worfs.

Yes I think the injury thing is a sense of embarrassment for sure.

He’s a lovely little guy when he’s not in a rage, he’s always had huge, deep feeling emotions, since day 1. He used to scream like he was being murdered as a hungry baby! But it definitely comes with a price.

I know a lot of people who swear by 'hand in hand' parenting too and I've done a free session with one of their team which was very useful as a reminder of how much logic you can expect from a child and how you can keep your cool when they're losing it. Generally I think the more ideas we have of what to do, the easier it is to find something that works in the moment.

Absolutely no way I would tolerate that.

Do not bring her anywhere.
Dump her meal when she speaks like that.

No technology and very early to bed because she is obviously tired.

Most children do not speak to their parents like that but I have definitely seen a bit of it.

In each case the mother was very soft and kind.

This will only get worse and will be noticed by others.

Other parents will judge you both and will prefer if their child doesn't get involved with her.

You are really letting her down by not being super firm.

Also the way she speaks to you could leak into how she treats others and come 8-10 you could have a deeply unpleasant child on your hands.

Nip this very firmly in the bud.

This in spades!
I wouldn't have let mine speak to me like that as toddlers never mind at five years old.
Developmentally five year olds are capable of understanding that being rude to mum is not on, they wouldn't get away with that behaviour in school and they know it.
Nip it in the bud OP or you are in for some rough teenage years.