To ask for help dealing with ten year old daughter?

[mascowmule]

We're in Scotland so just completed the first week of the summer holidays. Have a ten year old daughter who is an only child.

Her friend that lives on same street who she is very close to and sees pretty much every day, is on holiday and not back until Sunday so I know she is missing her company.

Last weekend her dad took her to a two night festival where she camped, had a ball and had a lot of money spent on her.

We've been out walks during the week, bought her a slushy maker, made that with her. Her friend from school was over yesterday for 6 hours, then I took her for cake afterwards. We've rented a badminton court and played badminton. Tomorrow we are going out for the day for school shopping, Sunday we are out in morning and then her friend coming over in the afternoon. Wednesday we have a day out planned also with a friend. On top of that, she is a keen gymnast so is starting gymnastic summer sessions next week which is on 4 days a week for a couple of hours each day.

This morning I got up, went for a dip in the sea, came home, showered, tidied, made bed, journaled and was just sitting down for a cup of tea when daughter comes down the stairs. 'What are we doing today?' I said not much planned but will pop over to my sisters for a cuppa later where she can see her cousins. She then said that that's boring and that she's bored. I said well what do you want to do but she couldn't tell me. I told her there's chores to do if she's bored but she refused. I told her she could go out to work with her dad if she's that bored, once again no.

I then made her breakfast and after she's had that she said we always stay in the house. At this point I told her that she was being really silly, that we do loads and reminded her of stuff coming up. I told her she couldn't be out and doing stuff everyday and she has plenty things she could do, draw, read, play with her toys etc but nope not interested.

She has since been sitting with her face tripping her. I feel guilty and as if I am a shit mum but I can't constantly be out spending money and all the free things I offer she thinks is boring.

I am so sick of her ungrateful attitude. She's only happy if everything is going 100 percent her way. She's never, ever content to just chill and I really enjoy my time in my home and relaxing but I feel I'm doing something wrong.

AIBU? Should it be constant go, go, go? It's also wet and wild here today, be different if it was sunny. She constantly wants her friends with her, she's never content doing something just me and her. It's always can I invite so and so?

I just feel exhausted by it already. How should I handle this? I can't stand her sitting about all sullen. She has really ruined my good mood.

My Dad works at a school (non teaching staff) and he says the kids follow him round at break time when he’s trying to work, telling him they’re bored. It’s weird because the primary school has a climbing frame, loads of outside toys etc whereas when I was at primary school, I don’t think we had anything other than skipping ropes. I think kids have a much lower threshold for boredom than they used to in the ‘80s. I don’t think it’s their fault, but I think we all just expect to be entertained more now. Adults are the same (myself included): five minutes waiting for a train and I’m on my phone.

Puhlease; you're an adult. One of the great prizes of adulthood is that we no longer have to operate at the level of a 10 yr old.

Stop "discussing" her bratty princess complaints. Just disengage. Ignore; walk out the room, sing a little long. Pin a list of tasks on the fridge.

My kids learned never to moan they were bored because I always had 20 far more boring things that needed doing. Cleaning the chicken house. Tidying a cupboard, folding washing, collecting a bucket of stones from the veg patch. Peeling potatoes for dinner. They could take their pick from my bottomless list.

Would it work to mark up the calendar with days out and ‘at home’ days? Then that manages her expectations, and means she she can look ahead and see what are the days when she’s at home, having a quieter day and having to entertain herself.

My kids are like this a lot. They get so used to having constant plans then don’t know how to play/ entertain themselves when we don’t.
financially we’ve had to cut back recently and have had a lot more quiet days at home, they are so much more grateful and play a lot nicer than they ever have before. Last half term we didn’t have a single plan other than the odd walk and they were a pleasure to be around. I definitely think you can do too much with them and it’s good to have some down time.

Tell her, ‘only boring people get bored’. Lol, in all seriousness, being ‘bored’ can really inspire creativity and imaginative play. Kids need to be able to invent things to keep them occupied and be content with their own company etc, by taking them somewhere every single day we stifle this ability so you’ll feel a bit of pain as her lack of ability to entertain herself etc is apparent but over time she’ll be able to. How about giving her things like empty cereal boxes, toilet paper etc and ask her to make you something?

At 10 my Dd loved baking, might she be interested in that ?
She also did a bit of sewing and lots of playing with toys and dolls.
However I would never in a million years kept DS in for a whole day. He desperately needed exercise, outside everyday. Could you not find something you need from the shops ? Maybe she could go for you ? Or the library?

My dd is also 10 and has tried this a couple of times already these holidays. As with you we've been constant and it's been in very rare spots of down time. I was a lot sterner than you by the second time and im afraid I don't feel the slightest bit guilty. Find chores and explain you can show them what bored means!

I find that a cheery "you're bored? Oh good! You can hang out the washing/lay the table for dinner/peel these potatoes/feed the cat" clears a room of "bored" children very quickly. 😁

I always wonder why parents can't understand this. If you give your kids constant stimulation and entertain them 24/7 that's what they will expect...kids need to be bored and this will lead to them entertaining themselves. Unless a kid is deprived there are tons of things for them to do at home: games, puzzles, listening to music, watch a film ,play in the garden, most kids have a trampoline or a paddling pool, could draw with chalk outside, read books, make a den. Just say that to her , you are not there to entertain her and she needs to look for things to do. If she can't even come up with something to do, then that can be her first activity: make a list of things she would like to do during the holidays that do not require your help or input.

Bored is basically a banned word in this house. The first and only time either of my children said it, I told them if they were so bored we could pack up all of their toys and electronics as they are clearly bored of them and we'd take them to the charity shop. My daughter is 10 and can entertain herself and is usually happy to have a home day after a busy few days. I think you are doing plenty.

Tell her only boring people get bored.

Absolutely. Also if you think back to when we were younger parents did not run around laying on a full schedule of activities in the school holidays. In fact it was a full schedule of chores and any lolling around would just warrant more chores.

Ok. There’s a lot coming at you that isn’t going to make you feel any better.
End goal, she’s needs to be able to manage herself more. And yes she needs to sort herself if she’s bored. However ….. I out can’t achieve this overnight. It’s a change for you and her. Why suggest she makes afternoon tea, sandwiches, baking, you can watch from the other side of the room and eat it inside a den she makes with sheets over the back of the sofa.
Maybe you lie down outside and she can draw around you and fill in your features and clothing? And it’s back to toddler days this or this? Not what do you want to do. Because if she isnt used to thinking outside her box she needs encouragement. Talk about things you did as a kid to give her ideas. Let her empty her bedroom and paint it together.
What interests does she have?
aomethings don’t work for some people. My mum made me keep a diary. Good lord to me it was the most boring thing ever. It was like a punishment.
She can certainly bake pizza, cakes, etc. Maybe she could menu plan what she wants to make for when she next has a friend over?
Encouragement to you and her. You can do this.

She's overwhelmed with too much stimulation how to wind down or occupy herself.
I suggest books and cleaning duties for starters.

Do the lolly stick thing.
Write on sticks the free things you can do
The things that are pretty cheap
The things that you're prepared to do but cost££ over the hols
And put them in diff pots
And tell her it's a free£ day today, she can choose something.
Or she's free to sit there with a face on !

definitely ignore her or she’s going to turn into a full on brat. She can choose. Be bored or find something to do.

Sounds like she needs some support in coming up with things to do and learning to enjoy her own company. Could you help her to set some challenges for the summer eg a reading challenge, complete a computer game, a craft project, a jigsaw, a sporting challenge etc or ask her to come up with some ideas? Perhaps set her a challenge of writing a diary every day or a gratitude list of 3 things she grateful for each day to help her mind focus on the things she is doing rather than what she’s not. Perhaps she’s lonely, are there any neighbour’s children she can knock for when’s she bored??

I do think it’s good for children to get out of the house every day for a bit of exercise, there are loads of free things to do. Perhaps then she’d be ok with spending sometime at home for the rest of the day? Could she go swimming with you or could she get a membership to a sport club/gym that she can choose to go when there is some downtime and choose a class etc

I think being stuck at home all day with no friends, no siblings to play with, especially when you’re used to being surrounded by other people at school can help very difficult for a ten year old.

Your own fault just stop pandering to her. You fill her days with endless entertainment so she can't think or do for herself, what are you her trained monkey or something?
Her boredom isn't your problem, make her a list of chores and leave her to it, she's old enough to be pulling her weight.

It's ok for kids to be bored.

This is what we do. They haven't been bored in years.

I agree here.

You're doing too much with her, so she's expecting that everyday. Almost like she's being spoilt.

Kids learn to entertain themselves and you haven't allowed that.

They run a lot of free or cheap playschemes, get her signed up! And do a sport every day to tire her out, eg big walk with picnic, swimming, walk all the neighbours dogs!

Go on fun bike rides together. Kids movie deal at 10am. 10 these days is too little to organise your own social life as little kids do not play out independently.

@piesforever Little? 🤣 They're not little, they're taking their bloody SATS for Christ's sake.

Little is like 5 or 6. By the time they hit 8 or 9 most kids are playing out. Certainly by 10! I was off shopping with my mates by 12 so was definitely playing out before then.

My parents didn't entertain me daily if I was bored, and I didn't entertain mine. Parents aren't a constant cabaret.

Ignore her or suggest she finds something to do so she's not bored.🙄