Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To ask for help dealing with ten year old daughter?

76 replies

mascowmule · 07/07/2023 11:01

We're in Scotland so just completed the first week of the summer holidays. Have a ten year old daughter who is an only child.

Her friend that lives on same street who she is very close to and sees pretty much every day, is on holiday and not back until Sunday so I know she is missing her company.

Last weekend her dad took her to a two night festival where she camped, had a ball and had a lot of money spent on her.

We've been out walks during the week, bought her a slushy maker, made that with her. Her friend from school was over yesterday for 6 hours, then I took her for cake afterwards. We've rented a badminton court and played badminton. Tomorrow we are going out for the day for school shopping, Sunday we are out in morning and then her friend coming over in the afternoon. Wednesday we have a day out planned also with a friend. On top of that, she is a keen gymnast so is starting gymnastic summer sessions next week which is on 4 days a week for a couple of hours each day.

This morning I got up, went for a dip in the sea, came home, showered, tidied, made bed, journaled and was just sitting down for a cup of tea when daughter comes down the stairs. 'What are we doing today?' I said not much planned but will pop over to my sisters for a cuppa later where she can see her cousins. She then said that that's boring and that she's bored. I said well what do you want to do but she couldn't tell me. I told her there's chores to do if she's bored but she refused. I told her she could go out to work with her dad if she's that bored, once again no.

I then made her breakfast and after she's had that she said we always stay in the house. At this point I told her that she was being really silly, that we do loads and reminded her of stuff coming up. I told her she couldn't be out and doing stuff everyday and she has plenty things she could do, draw, read, play with her toys etc but nope not interested.

She has since been sitting with her face tripping her. I feel guilty and as if I am a shit mum but I can't constantly be out spending money and all the free things I offer she thinks is boring.

I am so sick of her ungrateful attitude. She's only happy if everything is going 100 percent her way. She's never, ever content to just chill and I really enjoy my time in my home and relaxing but I feel I'm doing something wrong.

AIBU? Should it be constant go, go, go? It's also wet and wild here today, be different if it was sunny. She constantly wants her friends with her, she's never content doing something just me and her. It's always can I invite so and so?

I just feel exhausted by it already. How should I handle this? I can't stand her sitting about all sullen. She has really ruined my good mood.

OP posts:

Mochacino · 07/07/2023 12:16

CalamityClam · 07/07/2023 11:08

This has brought back so many memories!!

’mum I’m borrrred’
’thank you for telling me’ flicking through a magazine

’there’s nothing to dooooo’
’thank you for telling me.’ Chopping onions

😂😂

Bored is treated like a swear word in our house. It does feel like the ultimate kick in the face when you already work so hard to send them to Summer Schemes, holidays etc

if it’s any consolation OP my 10year old is the exact same but we just say no , remind her of all the things we do do and if that causes any row, electronics away, send her off to colour or draw and just be firm. Works til it doesn’t basically 🤣

Good luck. I do empathise.

HashBrownandBeans · 07/07/2023 12:21

My kids all know never to utter the B word or they get given jobs to do. You’re bored? Here’s the hoover. Crack on.

JuneOsborne · 07/07/2023 12:23

Or my mum's response. Only boring people get bored.

Jellycatspyjamas · 07/07/2023 12:26

It’s ok for kids to be bored - it helps them find ways to entertain themselves. If my two say they’re bored they are given a chore to do and any moaning simply adds another chore to the list. The alternative is that they go to an organised summer camp, which they really don’t like so finding things to do is in their interests.

overitunderit · 07/07/2023 12:26

Just let it go. Children tell adults they are bored all the time. It doesn't mean much most of the time. She might be at a loose end at that particular moment but she's clearly not under-stimulated.

Just say "I'm sorry to hear you're bored but I'm afraid it's probably more your issue than mine right now as there is plenty to do in the house and we are going out later".

deveronvalley · 07/07/2023 12:28

I have a nearly-11 year old sociable only child (boy) - they just want their mates at that age. We live in a small rural town so they mostly organise their own adventures on days we are not doing anything. It's great, they organise their meet-ups via the Playstation chat thingy and just get on with it. I just need to keep the fridge stocked up with Fanta for when they come back after hours out on their bikes. No other input required.

I'm mid-40s and grew up very rurally so no pals round, I remember the summer holidays being dreary as hell. At least I had my sister to fight with to break up the monotony. And I played with my fuzzy felts and whacked a tennis ball against the barn and read the same Roald Dahl books over and over. It was boring. I can't imagine my son and his friends being content with fuzzy felts!!

Mammamia2023 · 07/07/2023 12:30

From one mother to another of an only child dd u have overcompensated for her being an only child and planned loads of things to fill her time. We are guilty of this as i feel so guilty I was unable to give her a sibling. I’ve realised that things i found so exciting as a child eg a cinema trip are so common for her that there isn’t much that’s special. We have cut back massively now she’s out playing with friends which is so much better for her as she craves the social aspect. In your situation today i’d be saying you can do a, b or c but if you’re going to sit there with your face tripping you you can go to your room.

Mischance · 07/07/2023 12:31

You do not need to entertain her! An important lesson is learning to entertain oneself.

Tell her she must do the chores or tomorrow's activities will be off.

She is part of a family and must chip in and not expect to be waited on or entertained. Mine stopped saying they were bored as I would set them off on a chore... they pretty soon found something else to do!!

Littlemissprosecco · 07/07/2023 12:36

Yep, chores!
you said, then I made her breakfast!!!
you could have chirpily said, while I’m ironing/ emailing Make the breakfast!

LadyJ2023 · 07/07/2023 12:39

In fairness you've made the ungrateful attitude giving everything good but not also getting her to do mundane stuff which is part of life to

CalistoNoSolo · 07/07/2023 12:44

I've got an only DD, and she had to entertain herself as I didn't have the option of not working for six weeks at a time. This isn't an only child thing, this is a parenting thing. Stop filling her days, she needs to learn to fill them herself, even if thats reading in bed all morning ir watching back to back movies. What you have done and have planned sounds exhausting tbh.

Original poster

mascowmule · 07/07/2023 12:45

JuneOsborne · 07/07/2023 12:23

Or my mum's response. Only boring people get bored.

I said that exact phrase to her this morning 😂

OP posts:

LakeTiticaca · 07/07/2023 12:47

Why the need to constantly entertain her? Being bored killed no-one.
When I was a kid there was no money for going out except the free stuff, so that's what we did . Bike ride, the park, reading books or just doing nothing.
Let her use her imagination!!

Notquitegrownup2 · 07/07/2023 12:47

Totally agree with Beamur upthread. What a great list of activities! Teach her how to use time and enjoy the holidays. It doesn't have to cost a lot and will give her the skills to be independent.
I was your dd but not given advice. We had a weekly trip to the library and so I read . . . And read . . And read. I never moaned about being bored - and went onto study English Lit! - but could have tried so many other things with a bit of encouragement. . .

Kitkatcatflap · 07/07/2023 12:48

Time to break out the 'mum guns' and tell her ...... 'only boring people get bored'. My dear departed mum used to say it to me, before telling me to go and find something to do. It was shock when I first said it to my kids but I think they need to hear it now and then.

Like you - I would plan days out and activities, search for local events etc. But you can't fill the every day all of the time. She is 10 - I bet she has countless crafts, games and toys. It's perfectly okay to tell her to go and find something to do we are having quiet day today.

Kitkatcatflap · 07/07/2023 12:51

Haha - just read the update whilst typing the above post - only boring the people get bored has already been quoted

TheMoth · 07/07/2023 12:53

Tell her you want her to sit with you, so you can tell her how boring it was when you were young. Makes mine scarper pretty quickly. 😄 Dd isn't v imaginative, so can be a pain when there are no kids out in the street.

My mum worked weekends when we were young. My dad had absolutely no interest in us. The only time I've ever come close to boredom like that, was the summer I worked in a factory. I thought I was going to actually die of boredom.

Wheresthesundude · 07/07/2023 12:56

I agree it's good for them to be bored to develop their imagination/entertain themselves etc but I've got the opposite problem 😲 mine the same age wants to stay in watching TV, colouring and gaming and I'm SO bored. Maybe we could swap kids for a week? 😂

DinkyDaffodil · 07/07/2023 12:58

You sound like an amazing mum ! She's finding it hard to come back down to earth after a few fabulous days. Remind her just what she has done, and tell her it cannot be like that all the time and she can find other things to do - be careful you don't spoil her too much - she's sulking because she cannot get her own way - but you prob already know that

Balloonhearts · 07/07/2023 13:03

She's 10, can't she play out? I'd have sent her to knock for a pal by now tbh no patience for them moping about like they're so hard done by. Chuck her scooter or football at her and tell her to be back in time for dinner.

Original poster

mascowmule · 07/07/2023 13:08

Wheresthesundude · 07/07/2023 12:56

Just packing her bag, send them round 😂

OP posts:

thecatinthetwat · 07/07/2023 13:20

I’m going to go against the grain here and say at age 10 I would help her out a bit more. Engage her in a couple of projects. Perhaps a bit of effort and cost on your part initially but it would pay off. A day is like a year when you’re a kid.

Mumto2kids86 · 07/07/2023 13:24

I don’t want to sound like an old fart but kids have it too good these days. I make the same mistake with my kids so it’s not a criticism. We entertain them too much. My parents were great but didn’t have multiple activities lined up every week. I got dragged round supermarkets etc as they had no other choice. I spent a lot of time just playing with my sister or toys. Last week my kids moaned because they had to stay in for the weekend whilst we did a bit of DIY. Apparently we never take them anywhere…other than the trip to Disneyland they had a week before 🤣. Let her be bored, it’s good for her!!

Thrupo · 07/07/2023 13:55

If it makes you feel any better I am one of four and spent my entire childhood school holidays moaning I was bored, despite having three siblings to play with.

Mischance · 07/07/2023 14:05

Seriously - every time the word bored enters the conversation, find her a chore.

She should be doing them anyway .....

Flip

1 2 3 4