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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my mum is being taken advantage of?

44 replies

mummasgirl · 07/07/2023 00:25

My mum is a cleaner and has been for years, she is more a housekeeper who cleans, lots of ironing, washing, helping with things such as cooking as well as housework.

Mum has a few older lady clients who trust mum implicitly and so in addition to cleaning, have asked mum to do the bit of odd “care” type work - helping with hospital apps, taking to pharmacy / errands. It works well.

She recently gained a new client that she shares with another woman. The “job” advert (daughter posted on a local Facebook) stated someone was needed for 2 hours a day to do light housework, change the bed covers most days due to elderly mother and just be there whilst she showers.

Now it turns out the woman is an alcoholic who refuses a care home. She wets the bed every night so it always needs changing but it’s quite standard and mum is fine with this. However, today she called me up saying it was the worst day ever. Whilst changing the bed, the woman had a shower and came downstairs fine. Mum smelled something and assumed she hadn’t flushed the loo so went upstairs to find excrement all over the walls, toilet, floor, bath and all her clothes where she has tried to hide it. Mum had to clean this all up and to top it off, the washing machine is broken so she had washed it in the bath and told the children of the woman that a new washing machine was urgent (it’s been broken a while). The other woman who shares the work was informed too and she said that she has had to go to the laundrette with the bedding a few times etc.

Now in my opinion, for £20 an hour, this is a massive piss take. It isn’t a cleaning job with a bit of help like advertised, it’s a full on care job and I’m not sure how much companies charge to send care workers round for 2 hours a day and whether they’re expected to clean everything??

Mum earns under 12k a year and is also a carer for my disabled dad, I do all her finances as I’m an accountant and so whilst she pays NIC (2/4) she doesnt qualify for income tax, but £20 still seems bad per hour for a self employed person?

I would really love to know what’s the norm as I just feel so upset for my mum as it’s a significant chunk of her weekly money but it’s also not what she signed up for and I want to suggest she doesn’t carry on. Or ask for more money?

OP posts:
Original poster
mummasgirl · 07/07/2023 00:29

Forgot to add, in the two hours, DM is meant to prepare the woman’s lunch and her dinner (for later).

OP posts:
cosyblanketsquares · 07/07/2023 00:33

This is a safeguarding issue and social services need to be involved. Unless your mum is trained and properly insured she shouldn't be dealing with this.

LolaButt · 07/07/2023 00:34

It sounds more like the role and responsibilities of a carer.

Personally I would’ve left seeing shit all over the bathroom.

Anyway, if your mum is happy to work for that then it’s her choice. A relative who is a carer basically earns NMW, so £20 an hour isn’t awful I guess.

My concern is whether your mum has the right insurance/skills/qualifications to deal with the woman.

Sereeen · 07/07/2023 00:37

I know a qualified carer who earns less than £20/h, but I think the issue here is that this isn’t the job she has signed up for (and is qualified for?)

Tannedandfake · 07/07/2023 00:38

She needs to leave the ‘new client’

saraclara · 07/07/2023 00:40

A carer earns very much less than £20 an hour, so I don't think the money is the issue here.

But this isn't the job that your mum understood that she was taking on. It needs to be made clear to her DD that this is not a cleaning job and that her mum needs more support. Her DD needs to contact adult services at her LA.

Blossomtoes · 07/07/2023 00:44

Your mum needs to get out of there as fast as her legs can carry her. That’s absolutely appalling.

Sunnyfeelgood · 07/07/2023 00:45

I think the average for care work in the UK is around £12 an hour. But like others have said, that isn't really the point. It's not what your mum signed up for.

Ihatethenewlook · 07/07/2023 00:46

Sereeen · 07/07/2023 00:37

I know a qualified carer who earns less than £20/h, but I think the issue here is that this isn’t the job she has signed up for (and is qualified for?)

All qualified carers I know earn less than £20. It’s generally just over half that. I have 6 clients I see totalling 10 hours a day, I get just over minimum wage and they all have brain diseases and are incontinent. I have my carers certificate, multiple diplomas, Nvq’s and years of experience. If she doesn’t want to do the job then that’s fine. But wiping shite off the bathroom walls isn’t a £20 an hour job in the first place

Mumtothreegirlies · 07/07/2023 01:14

A qualified carer doing these jobs would earn around £10.50-£13 an hour.
your mother isn’t trained to deal with these situations so should not be doing it.

StellaJohanna · 07/07/2023 01:27

It's quite common for nasty people to recruit a "cleaner" only to discover you are also going to be a care worker/minder/assistant for an elderly parent - or they go out and leave you to clean with a severely physically and /or mentally ill person or someone with severe dementia. Sometimes you are never even told they will be there. They hope you will just tolerate it for the money. Many cleaners feel sorry for the people who have been dumped on them, so they stick it out and get treated like dirt by the greedy, manipulative people who employed them and lied to them - often the grown up children of the old or sick person.
Actual care workers from care agencies have care plans drawn up and strict procedures to abide by and are insured and your mother has none of that. The family are trying to save money at your mother's expense. She needs to leave that job and not allow it to happen again.
I've been there and had many people try to do this to me. Your mother will easily find more cleaning work if she is charging £20 an hour. I charge a lot more than that. Once you start being an assistant on top of being a cleaner, you are in dangerous ground if anything goes wrong. You will be so heavily relied on that you can't easily extricate yourself. Just NO. Cleaning is cleaning. Anything else is a separate job.

Ihateslugs · 07/07/2023 01:59

Although carers are not pain much above minimum wage, it can cost a lot more than £20 an hour to employ a carer through an agency. We were paying £26 an hour three years ago for a carer for my mum with Alzheimer’s. The carer would spend two hours with mum, help her shower, make lunch and chat with her or go for a short walk. The carers did not clean other than pop dirty dishes in the dishwasher and certainly would not clean up a mess in the bathroom. The carers were experienced, had some qualifications and were supervised, with set procedures in place around giving medication, first aid or handing money.

The family are using your mum as a cheap alternative to a carer and putting a lot of responsibility on her. It’s difficult though unless your mum is happy to walk away and I certainly would not have wanted my mum to have been taken advantage of like this.

StayAnonn · 07/07/2023 02:43

£20 still seems bad per hour for a self employed person?

It's not. If she were working ft at that rate, it's a decent salary. A good chunk more than many earn.

If the jobs not what she expected or was led to believe she can leave. I think she has to accept a little responsibility for a bad decision though. Hand washing shit covered laundry in the bathtub was a choice she made and not a requirement. More fool her to be honest.

Thehippowife · 07/07/2023 02:50

cosyblanketsquares · 07/07/2023 00:33

This is a safeguarding issue and social services need to be involved. Unless your mum is trained and properly insured she shouldn't be dealing with this.

This . A referral needs to be made to adult social care

RedRobin100 · 07/07/2023 02:59

What if the woman had fallen when she was in the shower and seriously injured herself - whilst your mum was being paid to “.be there whilst she was in the shower” ?

what’s the expected level of responsibility here? What would the family have expected of her? Do they expect her to be responsible then for this woman whilst she’s in the house?

it sounds like a liability and def a piss take - I would advise your mum to get out

RedRobin100 · 07/07/2023 03:04

*a liability waiting to happen

ejbaxa · 07/07/2023 07:55

your mum should immediately resign this job and let the children know that the work required is well outside of what she is qualified to do and she cannot come again. This situation is a fault in our society - we have loads of older people in awful situations as we have no provision to help them. But it isn’t your mum’s fault and she should get out of it now - it’s the kind of situation that sucks everyone around into it. Neighbours, friends, family, anyone really. But all it really is, is enabling someone to continue living completely unsuitably.

EhrlicheFrau · 07/07/2023 08:02

Your mum needs to report this to social services, immediately, and the other cleaner (aka carer) should do so to - this is definitely too much for your mum to be dealing with! I am sure your mum wants to do her job to the best of her ability, and does, but this doesn't sound like it fits the description of the service she is offering normally. I hope she can get out of this situation, and find other hours which are more what she actually wants to do cleaning wise. I also hope the other lady gets the support she needs, though I am aware how difficult it can be getting support nowadays.

billy1966 · 07/07/2023 08:13

Absolutely your mother is being taken advantage of.

Do everything you can to encourage her to find another job.

She is being used.

oldoldieoldieold · 07/07/2023 08:35

I agree with the other posters. The pay is actually (sadly) really good for care work. But it's not what your mum signed up for so she needs to leave if she's not happy doing the work.

Original poster
mummasgirl · 07/07/2023 09:21

Understand the point on carer’s wages but 1) it’s not a FT rate, she won’t get paid going to or from or if she goes over time and 2) she gets no holiday pay, insurance contributions, etc 3) hiring a carer COSTS more then £20 an hour which I know from our DF and his care needs.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummasgirl · 07/07/2023 09:22

Also carers should be paid high wages, their contribution to society is priceless.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 07/07/2023 09:31

Your Mum should absolutely ditch this client. Totally not as advertised.

AgentJohnson · 07/07/2023 09:35

She needs to quit.

Jellycatspyjamas · 07/07/2023 09:35

Understand the point on carer’s wages but 1) it’s not a FT rate, she won’t get paid going to or from or if she goes over time and 2) she gets no holiday pay, insurance contributions, etc 3) hiring a carer COSTS more then £20 an hour which I know from our DF and his care needs.

Carers often don’t get paid going to/from jobs either - which has caused problems for agencies in terms of minimum wage.

Your mum is self employed so she can set her own working hours, hourly rate etc which should be set at a level that accounts for holidays and insurance etc. Those are things within her control - she can chose not to work for this client, if they’re taking advantage it’s because she’s allowing it by doing the work. Good cleaners are like hens teeth, she’d easily find a new cleaning client to cover her loss.

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