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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So stressed with job, cried to boss today, Senior manager

50 replies

C1239 · 06/07/2023 18:03

I feel pathetic! Work has been stressful for months, I’m in quite a senior post and just lost it today, cried to my manager and admitted I was stressed. Feel so embarrassed now and don’t know what’s going to happen next. Really wish I’d just taken a step back and not let on how stressed I was

OP posts:
OvertiredandConfused · 06/07/2023 18:05

If you have a half-decent employer / manager, they will give you some support.

Take care

bluejelly · 06/07/2023 18:06

It's better out than in. Your manager's job is to support you, and they can't do that unless they know how you feel. I have had quite a few of my direct reports cry on me - it only strengthened our relationship. Please don't beat yourself up!

Original poster
C1239 · 06/07/2023 18:07

It’s just so embarrasing!

OP posts:
mousemosaic · 06/07/2023 18:09

They will understand. I’m sorry it’s all got on top of you. Don’t overthink this now, everyone has a limit xx

WhoWants2Know · 06/07/2023 18:13

If it makes you feel any better, I cried in a meeting in front of the entire staff team yesterday. I'm not proud of it, but equally I'm not going to waste my time feeling embarrassed about it. It's just how my body reacts when I feel really strongly about something and can't tell the person to F off.

Mmhmmn · 06/07/2023 18:52

It's your employer that should be embarrassed, NOT you. Clearly they're not doing something they should be when work is bringing you to tears. Hope they pull their fingers out sharpish and do something to reduce or ease your workload. Good that it's off your chest - we try to cope with too much before asking for help.
Breathe :) and don't be embarrassed

Original poster
C1239 · 06/07/2023 19:02

My friends have said the same thing that it’s work that should be embarrassed / worried not me but I just feel awful this evening

OP posts:
Flangeosaurus · 06/07/2023 19:06

Whenever I’ve had team members crying in my office I’ve had a few thoughts. Mostly I’m glad I’m a safe/trusted enough pair of ears for them to feel ok to do this. I’m glad if a problem is aired because it means I can look at fixing it. Crying in my office is also a firm guarantee that something, somewhere is not working as it should, and it’s my job to find it. If it’s home stress spilling over then I’d support, unobtrusively, for as long as it was welcome. Work stress I’d want to understand the source of it and work with you to be able to either remove or minimise the source of the stress. I’ve never ever given it a further thought weeks down the line, it’s just a reaction and you’re human.

Oysterbabe · 06/07/2023 19:07

I've cried at work before and it was pretty embarrassing but I soon got over it. I've left that job now and am immeasurably happier.
If they can't find a way to make things better for you then start job hunting, it's not worth it.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 06/07/2023 19:18

We are all human and we have our limits, you were obviously pushed way beyond your limits of stress for far to long and it is understandable that it has come to the surface. TBH it is better to cry to your boss than have a complete breakdown from burnout. Take care of yourself OP and hopefully your employer will support you better and find a solution.

Balloonhearts · 06/07/2023 19:32

I once had a meltdown at work where i called the system and overpriced heap of shit, told my boss I'd had enough and fuck the company and cried in the toilet for 40 minutes.

He knocked on the door, agreed that the system was a heap of crap, the company a joke and took me for a walk and bought me a sausage roll. I still work there, it wasn't career ending and we laughed about it later.

Summerslimtime · 06/07/2023 19:34

Get angry!

Lwrenagain · 06/07/2023 19:34

I know mumsnet hates me and my kind for it but it was rare, genuinely, I'd get to Thursdays without an emotional outburst over something.
Don't feel embarrassed, you shouldn't have this much stress on your shoulders ❤

Sunnyfeelgood · 06/07/2023 19:35

I have cried this week when my manager asked me how I was doing! Don't spent too much time on being embarrassed, tears are a way of getting the stress hormone out. The managers will have seen it all before. You are a human with emotions, not a machine and it isn't like you go in crying every day.

Fingers crossed now they have seen the impact of the stress they can do something to support you.

Backstreets · 06/07/2023 19:36

You reached your limit and there's no shame in crying.
I can relate stress wise and with the rain beating down it's not turning into the breezy fun playful summer of my fantasies at all >:|

wildfirewonder · 06/07/2023 19:43

It's not embarrassing, it is a reflection on how shit your company is that you feel this way. That manager should be embarrassed, not you.

user1496146479 · 06/07/2023 19:44

I've cried in work too! A few years ago now. I can't even remember why or what caused it. One minute I was just chatting 1 to 1 with my boss, next I had broken into tears!

vestanesta · 06/07/2023 20:03

Christ I cry all the time! Well I don't of course and I only cry on managers that I really trust but I'm an emotive person and cry when I'm angry as much as I'm upset or stressed. I don't feel judged by it and if I am too bad.

Similarly I have had peers and junior staff cry on me. I just try and comfort them, I don't judge.

Merryoldgoat · 06/07/2023 20:05

I nearly cried today in my catch up with my boss. I had to make an inappropriate joke to rally.

He offered support and kindness just as I would if one of my team came to me similarly.

You have done nothing wrong.

Original poster
C1239 · 06/07/2023 20:24

But being stressed and upset shows I can’t do the job properly.

OP posts:
MasterBeth · 06/07/2023 20:26

C1239 · 06/07/2023 20:24

But being stressed and upset shows I can’t do the job properly.

Nope.

MasterBeth · 06/07/2023 20:26

It shows you had a tough day at work.

TherealmrsT · 06/07/2023 20:33

It doesn't show you can't do the job....it shows the job is asking too much of you and sharing that means something can (or at least should) be done about it by your management.

Sunnyfeelgood · 06/07/2023 20:36

C1239 · 06/07/2023 20:24

But being stressed and upset shows I can’t do the job properly.

Not being able to do the job shows you are not able to do the job properly.

Sadness, anxiety, anger, happiness are all side emotions and have nothing to do with how good you are at the job!

Unless your job is some sort of stage show based job and you are supposed to be playing a happy character and it ruined the show?

Can you help us understand how you think being upset means you can't do the job well?

Lndnmummy · 06/07/2023 20:37

I cried yesterday at work too! And I AM the manager and cried to my team. I am trying VERY hard to be as kind, caring and compassionate to myself as I am to them. It has been brewing for months and I snapped. It was ironically a mumsnet thread that was the final straw. It all felt so bleak, the mountain too steep and I felt I just couldn't do it anymore.