Is this financial abuse

[Partytimee]

Please no judgement as it may seem clear to some but I really have blinded in this relationship and I need some outside views and opinions.

I have been my with my BF for about a year and things were great to start. He works as a kitchen porter and rarely has any money spare.

In the last few months he’s been asking to borrow money a lot and taking it out on me that he has no money. He smokes so expects me to buy him cigarettes. If he has no money for cigarettes he gets in a really bad mood and calls me names, becomes distant and sometimes argumentative. He will say ‘I’ll be fine if I just have a cigarette, I need one’ and then he thinks I will buy him a pack to get him out of his bad mood.

I have taken out a few loans since being with him, just to try and please him. His overall mood and attitude towards me is better when we have some money between us but it’s always me paying back the loans. It’s mainly always me paying for drinks, meals, days out etc. sometimes we pay half but that’s very rare.

He gambles too and there has been instances were we have gone to the pub together for drinks or a meal and I’ll be left sat by myself whilst he is on the fruit machines.

When he does have money he spends it on pointless things and it’s gone within the same day.

I'm not sure it's financial abuse but it's a shit situation and you should LTB tbh

Good Lord, I can't believe you even have to ask. This is absolutely 100% financial abuse, he's intentionally manipulating you to get you to spend money on him. He has more red flags than a town in Italy hosting a tomato festival.

DUMP HIM. He is a total waste of space

And on a another note, you need to queen on your self esteem and learn to say no to free loaders that want you to pay in cash for the tiny crumbs they throw you.

And his goods point are????

I'm concerned that you have to ask. It's clear financial plus emotional abuse. You don't deserve this. I mean this kindly: I suggest after LTB that you take some time to work on your boundaries and healthy relationships. I wonder if you have only been exposed to unhealthy relationships and this is clouding your view if what is normal

It doesn't really sound like financial abuse, but why are you with him at all?

It doesn’t sound like financial abuse but he sounds like an absolute waste of space.

He will drag you down financially and emotionally if this abuse continues, Op. Throw this one back, you deserve better

He's a penniless mean sponger. You are just a walking ATM to him.

Raise your bar and get rid of him. He's not a partner, he's a parasite.

Wtaf?! Get rid of him pronto , he’ll drag you down and down, that’s no way to live 😐
leave him and start living again

What do you get out of this relationship?

I have taken out a few loans since being with him, just to try and please him. His overall mood and attitude towards me is better when we have some money between us but it’s always me paying back the loans.

Yes, this is financial abuse. He's only sweet if you are nice and give him what he wants, and what he wants is money.

Please end it with him, and get some therapy and assertiveness training for yourself. You could also listen to the Female Dating Strategy podcast (its on Spotify and you can listen with a free account.)

Yes, this is abuse. No one should be taking our loans for someone they’ve been with for less than a year. How much have you borrowed?

You need to finish things because it will only get worse. You will be very miserable and in even more debt if you stay.

No one should be taking out loans for anyone, Jesus. He’s seen you coming a mile off. Raise the bar and kick him out.

I don’t think it’s financial abuse because he’s not controlling or withholding your money, but it’s definitely absolutely disgusting behaviour of his and you are definitely being bullied and manipulated. He sounds like an absolute deadbeat loser - if he’s like this now after just a year, you have no future with him. It will only get worse. You will ruin your life if you ever marry or have children with him. Please leave him. If you don’t, one day you’ll remember this thread and all the advice you were given to leave, and you’ll desperately wish you’d listened.

I'm not sure if it's financial abuse or not but it's 100% shit and crap and you should end this relationship asap. And without a doubt, as the relationship develops, it will become very traditional financial abuse.

Leave now.

This just about sums the situation up for me.

Where's your self esteem OP? Dig deep to find it and get the hell out of this stupid relationship - he's completely taking the piss.

What on Earth does he bring to your life? He sounds absolutely awful

Emotionally abusive definitely- getting in sulks and bad moods to get his way

He sees you as a walking cash machine. Time to get rid.

It is not financial abuse but he is taking you as mug. Get rid. He is not going to change. Why would he? You are his personal bank. He will use bad moods and the silent treatment to get you to fund his life style

He's using you for money. Don't let him move in with you, whatever you do.

Are you tied to him in any way, kids/mortgage?
If not, tell him to take a long walk off a short cliff .
You don't seem to getting anything but misery from this relationship. He just treats you like a bank.
Get rid

Dump him please, you can do so much better.

Do it now xx

In what way is it not financial abuse? She is made to take out loans to keep him sweet.

What an awful relationship to be in!

This isn't just financial control. He is emotionally controlling you. Relationships like this only get worse.

Trust me when I say there are far better men out there. Please end this relationship and maybe one day meet someone that respects you.

Why on earth are you still with him? Just read back what you have written - do you think this is a healthy or fun relationship in any way at all?

He is coercing you into giving him money and being vile to you if you don't. You're not willingly offering it to him, so yes, it is financial abuse.

This is not a good relationship, and you need to end it. He is taking advantage of you.

He’s a useless excuse for a boyfriend. You can do better !