To just have had enough

[Torven]

41, feels a long time, never loved life just make the best of existing, husband chronically ill, work fine but drudge, lost a few friends for various reasons, can't really be arsed to care, everything's just filling time or hassle. Just would love to go to sleep tonight and that would be it. I'm definitely not depressed, life just blows and I resent having to bother with all this for another 40 yrs. Downhill from here too.

You don't need to make the best of existing. You need to create the life you want. I know not everything you may want is creatable but some of it absolutely will be. You need to exercise the control you do have.

And if all this seems like too much hassle to do then I would seriously reconsider the thought you have that you aren't depressed.

You may need antidepressants as on a short term basis to kick you into gear so that you can work on making tangible positive changes to your life. Then once you've made those changes you can come off them.

I just don't want anything. Life is boring, the world is insane and seems to get more hostile by the week. I don't really expect an answer I guess it was silly and annoying of me to raise. I just wish it were more recognised. I feel quite alone in a world of people who're glad to be here. O well.

I really relate to this at times.

I think I crave a simple life. Just listening to the birds, being able to sit still. But life is so fast and expensive.

I guess its carving out the best moments you can.

I mean it's not new either. I've always thought life is a net bad but now I'm just so bloody tired and fed up. When you're young you can fill the days with sex/danger/novelty. No mitigations by this point.

I had a chronically sick OH who required my care. I made arrangements so that I could do the things that gave my life purpose because I knew I would sink towards where you are if I did not. Honestly you need to try and make things happen - they don't come and knock on your door.

It is only possible to do that if you are not feeling depressed, which it really looks as though you are. It really might be worth a trip to the GP.

I often feel I'm not made for modern life- if anyone truly is.

I think id be happier in a simpler time...well...in my idealised perception of it anyway!

The happiest I’ve ever been in my life was living in the arse, end of nowhere, with no money, and just enjoying the peace and quiet by the sea.

Can you just get away for a couple of days to reset?

Diet and exercise make a difference. I avoided it for years thinking it was just the way I was wired etc. Well turns out that was the way I was wired when eating crap and doing no exercise for 20 years. 18 months later I'm a different person. Absolutely wild.

Change your thoughts, change your life.

I think it's a logical thing rather than anything. Life is really really hard for almost everyone. I don't want to do the work! Even washing dishes. What's the point when you only have to do it again and again and again.

JamSandle · Today 22:33
I often feel I'm not made for modern life- if anyone truly is.

I think id be happier in a simpler time...well...in my idealised perception of it anyway!

Me too. I'd probably starve within a week but I still love the idea

With you OP. Kinda annoys me when people reply to posts like yours with "you're clearly depressed if this mental modern life isn't perfect for you".

It is ridiculous the pressure on the average human nowadays. And all utterly insane if you think about it. I hated school and had a volatile childhood but came out as a young adult fairly hopeful.
Along came children, okay to start with, life was pretty good but then we had disabled child and life has just got harder and shitter.

My beloved mum is getting older and I know where that's heading. I'm full time carer for my son. My DH is working his ass off for little reward and the pressure of it all is causing cracks in our marriage. I look at everything we have to do, hoops we all have to jump through and almost laugh. It's all so fucking stupid. Working til we drop only to then die. Humans are too intelligent for their own good. Wild animals may have a harder life but they don't know that they do and frankly I'd rather be my dog than me.

I totally get this OP. Different circumstances than yours. I put it down to my age. In that i dont care what people think anymore , i just want to be left alone to do my own thing. Do you have any hobbies or anything that you're interested in? Might help you see things differently and give you a new lease of life?

Washing dishes is fucking boring so listen to podcasts or music or anything that adds something.

I agree with a PP that changing diet and exercise would be amazing. What if you felt incredibly fit and had more energy and possibly felt better about how you looked? It would be something.

When all bets are off and things feel flat and pointless you must experiment. And it’s the time to experiment, because why the fuck not/who cares, right?

Do something different to how you usually do it every day. Doesn’t matter how small. Walk a different way to work. Choose a different drink. Work up from there.

I agree that you might as well try stuff if you can (this is my go to advice for friends feeling bad - I mean, we're here, so might as well right?) but the downsides are SO crap and the upsides so brief and unprofound. Why can't we all just talk about how bad it is. I suppose most people must still like life. Fair play to them. Agree animals seem to have a better deal.

This is me also

I’m there. Caring for elderly parents. Life feels mental and shite. When this phase is over I’ll be what… 60? And I just laugh at people who think that somehow you can be as fulfilled as someone in their 20’s with their life ahead. I already feeel drained and knackered and bits ache that never used to. It’s all downhill in an increasingly mental world.

I agree OP life does seem mainly boring, repetitive, depressing and lots of work, whether out earning money or house chores over and over or maintenance (trying to get tradesman dear god).
It's all so much effort for what? I have a little dog and he is my joy and happiness with his little funny ways and cheery personality. The rest of it is pretty pointless and shit.

I do get down and yes have days when I want to go to bed, pull covers over my head and not bother getting back up. I keep going because of the wee furry boy but god help me when he goes.
I try to reassure myself when he goes I'll get another one but hope I can love it the same.

I find life too loud. Too many cars, too many people, kids shouting, tradesman banging. I hate the whole social media thing - so vain and empty, look at me on my instagram or whatever account. I hate the whole text / email so you can never get away from people expecting you to be available all the bloody time.

Could you read books? Sometimes that helps if you feel down and really flat. Kind of lose yourself in the story.

Some days I want to smash all the dishes in my house because the kitchen is a mess again. I feel like I clear up, load dishwasher and then an hour goes by and dishes are stacked all over the surfaces again and the place is a mess again. It's depressing to never get anything 'finished' once and for all.

You're not alone. I read somewhere and I can't remember where that a huge number of people are on antidepressants. So there must be lots of unhappy,, unfufilled people out there.

Did you by any chance have a bad childhood. I only ask because alot of what you have said is how I feel and I'm pretty sure I have some kind of ptsd from years of abuse which does change your brain chemistry.

I've always felt this way too.
Everyday life is exhausting for me.

It's so dragging isn't it. Although I think I'd have found the past harder than modern times. Imagine all the boredom and anxiety and horrible people but without the nice things. Maybe not even being able to read.

I guess I just don't understand why some people love life. It's so much effort!

I completely agree, life is just a non stop cycle of cleaning, cooking and working just to survive. The teenagers are all hard work, my adult kids don’t seem all that fussed if I’m alive or not.

However you really do need to find some small pleasures that you enjoy. For me it’s listening to music on my long walk to work, tending my cottage garden, walking the dog at dusk, wandering around the charity shops and me and DH make sure to find the time to go to a few gigs a year. All simple things that make me happy to be alive.

I have felt like this and it’s because sometimes life is genuinely a ceaseless grind. I’ve settled on podcasts and reading as my me stuff. I exercise on and off but just getting out of my own head for a bit really helps imo.

To be honest it's people that bore the shit out of me. My life is very performative work wise and it's exhausting.

I'd love to go and live in the middle of nowhere. No neighbours. I'm trying to make that happen. I just want to wander around and feed chickens

Well there isn't really any profound point to Life - just the procreation of more Lives generally.

Animals are only concerned with survival and reproduction. They aren't aware how pointless their existence is.

We are aware so seek fulfillment in other things - Love, travel, books, Art etc etc.

You need to find your source for joy/fulfillment.

Is there anything you could think of?

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That's a good one. Plus... Anyone else having picture box flashbacks to school?