41, feels a long time, never loved life just make the best of existing, husband chronically ill, work fine but drudge, lost a few friends for various reasons, can't really be arsed to care, everything's just filling time or hassle. Just would love to go to sleep tonight and that would be it. I'm definitely not depressed, life just blows and I resent having to bother with all this for another 40 yrs. Downhill from here too.