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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being too soft - sports day.

61 replies

Nervouswreck25 · 05/07/2023 16:37

back story
daughters school sports day is a big event, they go to a big park and all years compete the same day and all parents are mainly there. They don’t do like 1st place individual stickers or anything like that
but they are grouped in to 4 house colours.
so they all compete in each race so for example
normal running race - 1 from each house will run and who ever wins go threw to the next round and the other 3 are eliminated.
then the next set go etc
then the 4 winners race against each-other to determine who wins the race. If the winner is from blue team then they get the the most points and second gets less points and 3rd less.
it is extremely competitive and the houses always want to win as they get a house treat.
my daughter has significant health needs as well as physical disabilities. She is in a right mess about sports day coming up because she knows her house will moan that it’s not fair and they won’t get enough points. Especially in races like relay races etc where it’s a team effort.
she also hates that there is so many people watching her when she just can’t do it. I had decided it wasn’t worth her being so stressed out about it and a friend / school mum said it wasn’t teaching her anything by letting her bail.
she said some kids are not good at maths but they have to sit their maths exams - I don’t think this is the same. The other children can not see their answers, there is no crowed of people watching and their answers don’t effect others grades so no moaning. she participates in PE the best she can but the thought of sports day and being embarrassed is so bad for her !
AIBU or is she correct ?

OP posts:

TheIsleOfTheLost · 05/07/2023 19:23

I'm guessing that the people who think everyone should participate and be gracious at losing weren't the ones who knew they were going to come last every year. I have nothing but terrible memories of school pe. Always last in the race, seeing the eye rolls of anyone who was unlucky enough to have the last pick and be saddled with me on their team. I learned nothing from it but hatred of all sports well into my 20's and since then only single person sports that don't involve running. Fuck doing that to your kid if you don't have to.

Allchangename354 · 05/07/2023 19:38

teachername · 05/07/2023 18:57

I've two DC - one sporty and neurotypical and one SEN who can find sports day a challenge from sensory perspective.

I also work in a primary school with many SEN children. Adjustments should be made where necessary to enable everyone to take part.

However it's also worth bearing in mind that competition by its nature means there will be winners and losers and no one enjoys being last.

The school very much need to work on teaching kids those soft skills: how to be supportive; teamwork; how to be gracious in defeat. However, I'm also guessing there are some kids who are great/supportive but others whose emotional ability is very low and who cannot help but seek to place blame on others. That's something the school can't control - the outbursts of unkindness from those children.

Those children who struggle academically don't get to hide that ability, everyone in the class knows who they are, and they too can have unkindness aimed at them.

Life at school can be tough, but work with the school so your child can get the best experience for her. If they're a good school, they'll want to do this.

I am happy to learn the lesson of not being able to win at sports - fine. There were other kids who knew they might be last. I knew I would be last by a large margin. I accepted it for athletics PE as I wasn’t affecting anyone (no sports day).

OP daughter and I are experiencing feeling we are letting our friends down by losing house points. We and everyone else in our house know it is going to happen. In my case there was no one else physically disabled in the other house so otherwise a spread of very good, ok and pretty bad. so I was a disadvantage to team/house.
Those kids blaming me for losing us points were correct. I was coming last. The blame should have been directed at the organisers who set me up to definitely fail but I and they didn’t realise. My parents didn’t attend. I gave up on sport.

This is why maths and English lessons should vary so that children who are good or bad are stretched. We got house points for effort and some for getting things correct so even being bad at science you could get points.

Pixie2015 · 05/07/2023 19:40

Take her out for the day

JazbayGrapes · 05/07/2023 20:01

Skip it and forget it. Its not Olympics

teachername · 05/07/2023 20:12

@Allchangename354 I would look at it as you not losing house points because none were removed.

Without going into personal info (as I don't know your background), if you are sight impaired then adjustments can be made by the school. If the school don't know how to do this, they can seek advice from a charity that supports sight impaired people. If you have a physical disability and need a frame, then you can do an event which will take that into consideration. For example, some of our kids with physical disabilities and SEN as well as able bodied and neurotypical have all done Boccia before.

House points can be given to the team that shows the best teamwork/support to their fellow teammates. Anyone being unkind, well we would follow the behaviour policy as usual.

Things need to change for all children to feel they can take an equal part. Working with schools and advocating for your child (as a SEN parent myself it's what we do a lot of) needs to take place. Conversations need to be had. Not taking children out and saying they're ill so nothing changes.

SushiSuave · 05/07/2023 20:16

We have a child at our school who was unable to participate due to disabilities so he was our sports day photographer instead and used an iPad to take photos for the school website. Perhaps your child could be given a job like this so still involved but doesn't have to race? I'd ask their teacher about options available.

AlwaysRequiresImprovement · 05/07/2023 20:21

We dodged sports day. It was early June. They were ALL running based races.

DS hates running. He's hypermobile and it hurts him. The school knew this and said all children must compete regardless.

He pulled a sickie that day. School ought to be inclusive.

Anyway, he's JUST changed schools and his new school has Sports Day tomorrow and it includes throwing / catching and skipping which he CAN do and he WANTS to join in! It's lovely 😊

Thehonestbadger · 05/07/2023 20:21

My DS has severe non verbal autism and we will be skipping nursery sports day.
He hasn’t a clue what’s going on and honestly doesn’t enjoy being essentially directed and lead around by his 1:1 for whose sake? Mine? I hate watching it so I don’t know who gains anything by him being forced through the fiasco.

He’d rather be at home on his trampoline and so would I!

Skip it!

YukoandHiro · 05/07/2023 20:23

Sick day!

Don't put her through something that makes her feel left out and focuses on her differences. Be her advocate and let her focus on her strengths.

❤️

Allchangename354 · 05/07/2023 21:22

@teachername my brain can sort of get around not losing house points as an adult. I suppose more that I was in the place of somebody that had a vague chance of doing ok. It was not how I thought aged 9.

absolutely if there are adjustments could actually be a good thing. If OP can gets changes that would be ideal. However if not I see no reason to put a child through sports day that they cannot participate in properly. I would be clear as the reason not illness, lack of inclusion.

toddlermom99 · 05/07/2023 22:14

My son has severe physical disability (he only has one leg) and there's no way I'd make him participate if he didn't want to

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