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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Father-in-law constantly mentions disgusting things while everyone is eating

76 replies

radiantorange · 05/07/2023 14:59

My father-in-law is quite narcissistic. He's always talking about himself. He's always comparing my husband to himself and how when he was my husbands age he had his life more together, was more travelled etc… my husband has learned how to cope with his remarks after many years in therapy doing CBT and just either ignoring him or sometimes calling out his behaviour – which is shrugged off by Fil.

He has written an autobiography (he's not in anyway famous) and he likes to tell outdated and ridiculous jokes over and over too and I just think he likes his voice to be heard. One time on a long car journey I tried to count to 10 in my head every time he stopped talking and I never got to 10. And he can be fairly generous but with that generosity comes him repeatedly telling you and whoever else is there what he has done for you or given you and how he didn't need to and just goes on about it for a long time so you feel compelled to keep thanking him and telling him how nice it was. Likely feeding his ego.

Anyway, I can just about cope with him too, choosing to ignore most quips about my unhoovered carpet or whatever else in my house he deems not good enough.

But I've noticed now that pretty much every shared meal we have with them, be it lunch, dinner or coffee and cake he always has to mention a really gross story or fact about a toilet habit, bowel movement, cat's shit, stinking fart, diarrhoea etc… and every time, everyone including his wife is cringing and disgusted and will say 'please stop talking about this', which he will… but he'll wait a beat then finish the story, like he just has to. If it's not planned then I think there's just something in his brain that waves a flag to say 'everyone is eating – say something gross to spoil the moment so you get the last laugh'.

Is there anyone else with similar family/friends/ colleagues who literally talk 'shit' when you eat?

Am I being unreasonable to be so annoyed at this behaviour in particular?

OP posts:
Frogpond · 07/07/2023 02:40

Could you and sil start talking about periods? Apologise to the others in advance, but when he starts on about something disgusting join in the conversation. Be graphic, leaking pads, blood clots maybe discuss bowel movements involved at the time of the month. Turn it into a game of chicken, keep the conversation going and see if you can gross him out. Plan it in advance, serve something red. One of you come back from the bathroom and say to the other how you are so over having periods. You just changed your tampon and got blood all over your hand. If you could just be passing the plates as you start the conversation. You might not stop him being revolting, but it will give you a laugh to watch him squirm.

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