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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel that this is a slightly surprising suggestion by the teacher?

55 replies

Eyerollingstones · 05/07/2023 00:20

DD (9) works really hard at music and is pretty reasonable for her age. She spends a significant amount of time every week on external rehearsals around our city and practising at home.

There is a concert at school tomorrow. A couple of weeks ago her music teacher called in DS and her friend and asked them to play a specific piece tomorrow. The piece was actually pretty hard for them - probably a grade or two above what they would normally play. They have absolutely worked their socks off to learn the piece and get it into shape to play tomorrow. They’ve spent hours and hours and hours on it. They learned it in the first instance on the sunniest weekend of the year when they could have been out playing with their friends, and then DD’s friend was on our doorstep at the crack of dawn this weekend for them to practice playing it together.

This afternoon the music teacher has said that he doesn’t want them to play it after all. He hasn’t heard them play it. I was a bit confused and emailed him to ask whether they needed to bring in their instruments because I thought DD must have got the wrong end of the stick. I explained politely that they had worked very hard on it so would like to play it if possible etc. He has replied saying that he had suggested that they not play it because he didn’t want to put too much pressure on them but as I had mentioned that they’d worked hard, he would let them play it in the rehearsal tomorrow and “hopefully” in the concert too.

I wouldn’t have minded at all whether they played in the concert, but AIBU to be a bit surprised by this after they’ve spent so long working on it? A sanity check would be much appreciated - I really don’t want to be unreasonable. It’s late at night and there is always a risk of getting yourself all wound up about things that might feel a bit daft in the morning!

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 05/07/2023 00:31

It's not a huge deal no. It was going to be in the show. Now it's not. Things get cut all the time.

angelikacpickles · 05/07/2023 00:36

My DD would be very disappointed if this happened to her.

askmeonemoretime · 05/07/2023 00:36

After your comment he is going to listen to them at rehearsal and decide if they are good enough to play in the concert.
It does sound like he doesn't understand what a big deal this is for children

Batalax · 05/07/2023 00:38

That’s not fair after they’ve put so much effort in at his request. He should ask them if they want to do it or not.

thecatinthetwat · 05/07/2023 00:40

With you here op. Yanbu

UpaladderwatchingTV · 05/07/2023 00:41

If he didn't want to put pressure on them, then why tell them at relatively short notice that that was the piece he wanted them to play, he must have known that it would be difficult for them to learn it so quickly, particularly if it is above their normal skill level? Seems this guy needs to realise just how much effort children put into these things, and the disappointment, if they're made to feel that they might not be good enough, after putting their heart and soul into learning it.

Original poster
Eyerollingstones · 05/07/2023 00:42

It isn’t really about the concert to be honest - it just feels a bit as though DD’s hard work is invisible. She has very little free time anyway because of her other music commitments and she invested all of the free time she had left in this for two weeks, getting up early etc because she wanted to nail it.

OP posts:
Sugarfree23 · 05/07/2023 00:45

That's really unfair to have asked them then changed his mind.
But he may be didn't realise that they had put so much effort in to learning it already.

So playing it in the rehearsal seems like a fair plan then they can decide if it is good enough for the final show.
Although he better have a plan b easier tune for them in the show. Cruel to tell then they are in for him to later say they aren't

Original poster
Eyerollingstones · 05/07/2023 01:01

Sadly, because of the nature of the concert and the piece. I don’t think there is a plan B. I think they’re just in or out.

OP posts:
DreamTheMoors · 05/07/2023 01:22

Fair or unfair?

Unfair.

SD1978 · 05/07/2023 01:28

Without listening to the piece, this is very unfair. Music teacher made a suggestion, they have learned it, but now he doesn't want to pressure them- without checking if they have adequately learned it. I hope the practice goes well.

FictionalCharacter · 05/07/2023 01:34

That’s really unfair on the kids.

Mmhmmn · 05/07/2023 01:44

askmeonemoretime · 05/07/2023 00:36

After your comment he is going to listen to them at rehearsal and decide if they are good enough to play in the concert.
It does sound like he doesn't understand what a big deal this is for children

This. Pretty thoughtless. Hope it's that and not messing them about on purpose cos they're kids. Glad you emailed him - quite right.

CovetedAsFuck · 05/07/2023 01:48

Yeah, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. He sounds a bit oblivious. Hope it goes okay tomorrow 🤞

Original poster
Eyerollingstones · 05/07/2023 06:06

I am going to have to write a response to his email this morning. I should probably just grit my teeth and go bland and polite, shouldn’t I, but I so want to tell
him how long she spent on it!

OP posts:
Reedplayer · 05/07/2023 06:15

Music teacher here - it sounds like he’s been thoughtless and doesn’t realise how much work your DD has put into it. In fact it is pretty unusual for 9 year olds to put in that much work off their own backs!

Tell your DD to be firm in the rehearsal that they at least want to demonstrate a bit of it so he can hear that it is good enough. If he cuts it because he’d forgotten he’d suggested it and now the concert is too long, maybe they can perform it in an assembly or something instead?

Reedplayer · 05/07/2023 06:16

Oh, and you SHOULD tell him how long you spent on it!

BiscuitsandPuffin · 05/07/2023 06:16

Eyerollingstones · 05/07/2023 06:06

I am going to have to write a response to his email this morning. I should probably just grit my teeth and go bland and polite, shouldn’t I, but I so want to tell
him how long she spent on it!

I wouldn't say it's impolite to state a fact as long as your overall tone is ok. I would be clear that they've worked hard on this piece that was above their usual skill level. He's messed them around.

ChaToilLeam · 05/07/2023 06:18

He needs to realise just how hard they worked. You don’t mess kids around like that, it’s dismissive and mean.

ChimChimeny · 05/07/2023 06:20

and frankly does.It matter if it isn't note perfect?! It's a school concert.not the Albert hall, they worked hard to .practise and should be able.to show that off

VisionsOfSplendour · 05/07/2023 06:21

Notimeforaname · 05/07/2023 00:31

It's not a huge deal no. It was going to be in the show. Now it's not. Things get cut all the time.

I disagree totally, it is a big deal for two such young children to have spent so long on something and then have it taken away like that

Would your child not think this was a big deal?

Patchworksack · 05/07/2023 06:23

If he didn’t want to pressurise them he shouldn’t have suggested something above their current ability in the first place. I would be clear EXACTLY how much effort has gone into preparation and how disappointed the children will be if they don’t get to perform.

Billybagpuss · 05/07/2023 06:25

Eyerollingstones · 05/07/2023 06:06

I am going to have to write a response to his email this morning. I should probably just grit my teeth and go bland and polite, shouldn’t I, but I so want to tell
him how long she spent on it!

do not go bland and polite, as a mother I’d hit the roof.

express disappointment, say how they have risen to the challenge and have spent many hours learning it and having something pulled at this age after such efforts can impact their overall motivation to do things in the future.

madnessitellyou · 05/07/2023 06:26

She's 9 and it's a school concert, not the BBC Symphony Orchestra at the Royal Albert Hall.

She absolutely should be able to play. She's worked hard and was asked to play that piece. In fact, even if it sounded terrible, she should still be allowed to play in a school concert

veryfluffyfluff · 05/07/2023 06:30

It sounds like the teacher has realised the peice was far too hard for them. Perhaps he meant to give it to someone else. Who knows. But yeah dick move from the teacher.