AIBU to feel that this is a slightly surprising suggestion by the teacher?

[Eyerollingstones]

DD (9) works really hard at music and is pretty reasonable for her age. She spends a significant amount of time every week on external rehearsals around our city and practising at home.

There is a concert at school tomorrow. A couple of weeks ago her music teacher called in DS and her friend and asked them to play a specific piece tomorrow. The piece was actually pretty hard for them - probably a grade or two above what they would normally play. They have absolutely worked their socks off to learn the piece and get it into shape to play tomorrow. They’ve spent hours and hours and hours on it. They learned it in the first instance on the sunniest weekend of the year when they could have been out playing with their friends, and then DD’s friend was on our doorstep at the crack of dawn this weekend for them to practice playing it together.

This afternoon the music teacher has said that he doesn’t want them to play it after all. He hasn’t heard them play it. I was a bit confused and emailed him to ask whether they needed to bring in their instruments because I thought DD must have got the wrong end of the stick. I explained politely that they had worked very hard on it so would like to play it if possible etc. He has replied saying that he had suggested that they not play it because he didn’t want to put too much pressure on them but as I had mentioned that they’d worked hard, he would let them play it in the rehearsal tomorrow and “hopefully” in the concert too.

I wouldn’t have minded at all whether they played in the concert, but AIBU to be a bit surprised by this after they’ve spent so long working on it? A sanity check would be much appreciated - I really don’t want to be unreasonable. It’s late at night and there is always a risk of getting yourself all wound up about things that might feel a bit daft in the morning!

Speculating wildly, but could be he suggested it and planned to work with them, then didn't get around to it and assumed that meant nothing had happened so he needed to drop it. He has no idea about the work they've put in anyway, so you need to tell him very clearly, and explain how important it is to them both to play. It would be very unfair for him to drop it after all that work.

Definitely don't go bland and polite.
Your daughter has spent countless hours perfecting a piece above her normal standard because at teacher's request.
She has sacrificed xyz.
It is unacceptable for teacher to effectively render all that effort useless at the last minute with this inconsiderate decision.
It is school, effort should be encouraged, doing their best should be encouraged, performing even if not perfect should be encouraged.

I completely agree to get them to do it then pull the rug from under them after all their hard work is very unreasonable. This teacher obviously doesn't take into consideration how much time both girls have put into the piece. I can imagine how upsett they were by that as they have been very dedicated in learning a difficult piece that as you have said was at least a couple of grades above where they actually are . That shows real dedication & he has just ignored all of that & brushed them aside . I would be upsett as well

You're not being unreasonable at all OP. Your tone with the teacher sounds really sane and sensible, and will probably result in a good outcome because you're having a dialogue to explain and figure out the situation. Not hitting the roof or deciding the whole situation is unacceptable as PPs are suggesting. Good on you.

She’s 9! This will be a huge deal to her. It would be hugely demotivating for the piece to be pulled now for no good reason. You definitely need to fight her corner here.

I’m in a slightly similar position in that ds has broken his arm and missed several practice sessions in the run up to his ballet show. His teacher suggested pulling his tap solo, and ds was devastated. I had to push back and explain to the teacher how much it meant to him. His performance won’t be brilliant but that’s not the point - he’s a similar age to your dd and it’s the taking part and celebrating effort and enthusiasm that matters.

This is my feeling. How about saying how surprised and impressed you were at the work dd put in - how it was a real challenge and she made a lot of sacrifices to perfect it. She would love an opportunity to get some feedback on it and perform if there is still a possibility...

I like the response above. Your DD and her friend sound very self motivated, which is an excellent quality in musicians (or anyone). Politely explain the work put in. Get DD to help you draft the email.

Op I do think you should explain the effort BOTH girls have put into it. And explain your fear that pulling it will dampen their enthusiasm for any future performances or projects.

I'd think they'd be heartbroken for it to be pulled you just don't do that to kids.
But I think the other poster might be right he'd been planning on helping them with it but didn't.

Unfair.

No, things don't get cut out all the time in children's concerts. No responsible music teacher would be so crass as to think so - not least because it's sending a message to children that there is no point working hard because your teacher will just let you down.

Unfair. You should tell him how long they spent on it too

I think at this point, I would be insisting that they should be allowed to perform if they themselves feel ready and want to do so. They are just 9?!

At that age, it doesn't really matter if the performance isn't great, as long as they are both happy with their own efforts. It was absolutely not fair for the teacher to ask them to do it and then put that into question after they have invested so much time and effort.

Unless there was somehow some kind of misunderstanding at the start and they were told that they might be able to perform it if they could demonstrate that they were able to pull it off? That would be a pretty weird way of managing a children's concert though imo!

Kudos to your dc for having such a strong work ethic at that age though. Sounds like she isn't afraid of a challenge and she is prepared to put the effort in... she will go far!

Would add, I would go over the teacher's head to the head teacher in this situation if necessary. It isn't fair to treat such young children in this way after they have worked so hard.

The fact he's said he'll hear it in rehearsal and hopefully it'll be in the concert suggests he has possibly realised he made a blooper here after you messaged. So just follow up with a very polite but firm email just reiterating the amount of time they spent on it, proactively, and that your concern is it would be very demoralising to not get to play which is obviously a shame when two children are so enthusiastic. Just say fingers crossed he'll be impressed by their efforts and they'll get to play. He should get the hint.

Tbh I would write a blunt email back stating facts. He or she asked her to learn it even though it was above her current skill level. She has spent the last 2 weeks giving it her all and has learnt the piece inorder to perform it. She's woken up early to practise, sacrificed time with friends which at her age is precious. She deserves to have a chance to play it at the rehearsal. Going forward it would be better.if the teacher gave out pieces at the correct level and managed pupil's expectations better. It is completely unfair to expect them to put the hours in but then not be allowed to perform. Any questions re the email should be directed back to you and not your child.

I feel quite annoyed on her behalf.

Definitely unfair and they should be able to play it in the concert (however it goes in rehearsal - but sounds like it is good).

@Eyerollingstones what did the teacher eventually say?

They played it (really well). It turned out that my friend (the other child’s mum) had beaten me to it and had had a frank discussion with the teacher.

Did he agree it was good enough?

So pleased for your DD. My 8 year old has been practicing for a concert next week, I would feel exactly the same way. The teacher hadn't thought it through.

I think you definitely should tell him how hard they worked. He needs to be made aware. I also think it’d be reasonable to ask that if he decides that they’re not quite ready for a performance (after he hears them in rehearsal), they could be given an opportunity to perform it at the next school concert, or in an assembly. Or maybe they go and play it to younger children in the classes below them? Or do you have any competitive music festivals near to you, where they could enter it in a duet class? I definitely think they should have the opportunity to perform it somewhere after all their hard work. You’re certainly not being unreasonable.

That’s soul destroying dismissive and disrespectful to the children and as such I’m afraid I would have been shoving instruments in hard to reach places!!

I'm glad it has been sorted. I had a solo, which I had auditioned for, taken away from me once (not in a school performance). Years later when I told a private music teacher she was horrified. It is not OK for the music teacher to take this away from them.

Oh sorry, Yunner - yes, he did. Or perhaps he was beaten into submission by my friend’s expression of her disappointment. Either way, they got to play it in the concert!

I've just read your update - I'm glad they got to do it in the end, and that it went well.
The teacher was unfair - be alert to this happening in the future.
As a music teacher myself, I wouldn't hesitate to pull a child who hadn't practised, but your DD put in a load of work, and he didn't even listen to it first.