To think I’ll be able to continue with my job?

[Workingmum994]

Name change to not out myself.

I am due to return to work after maternity leave. Planned to work 3 days a week, however my mum was due to have my LO on one of the days, but now can’t because of health reasons. Other 2 days are sorted with PILs (so grateful).

I didn’t realise just how long waiting lists were for childcare and I cannot get any care for the day I need. I am on waiting lists too. This leaves me no choice but to negotiate working 2 days a week working 10 hour days (early shifts and late). However, these days are likely to end up longer as I work in a role where if something happens we can’t just go home on our “home time”. It’s not in our contract, just the nature of it and what’s expected.

My partner is saying I’m going to be taking work home with me and stressing about it as I won’t be able to fit my work into the days I’ll be doing. Admittedly I am a worrier.

I love what I do. I’ve always gone for roles that give me job satisfaction. It’s a demanding job, emotionally, but I feel as if I am helping people.

My worry is that I’m going to be doing 14 hour days and it won’t be feasible. I want to be able to give my LO a good life and quality time.

AIBU to think it’s maintainable? Anyone else had similar circumstances and managed?

It actually doesn't sound too bad too me as long as your partner is picking up the slack at home. Yes, it's 2 very long days, but then you have 5 days off. And on the working days you won't be (presumably) doing any childcare etc. So it's probably not much more onerous than a full time job plus morning and evening home responsibilities.

If you have flexibility around what days you work, I think that Fridays are least popular for childcare and so might have availability sooner.

Sounds doable to me with suppor
does your husband not want you to go back?

Errr. What about your husband’s contribution to child care?

So I actually think this would be a great option to put all your work into 2 days. I do a sessional job where shifts are 17 hours but the full time workers only have to do 5 over a fortnight and have the rest of the time to themselves. I think its absolutely perfect for raising little ones as you have so much time with them

We had a disagreement about this last night. Told him to pull his finger out. He told me he takes what I do for granted. He does want me to go back, as I said the alternative is me staying at home, which I don’t want to do.

I have chosen the days Monday - Wednesday as that is what fits in better with the shift my team works otherwise I would reconsider my days.

Thank you for the replies so far.

I don’t understand. The 2 days may be long yes but you will be with your LO for the other 5 days.

Is your DH worried that the shifts will be too long for your ILs to cover? If so he can get home to take over from 5pm (or whenever they’ve had enough). You’ll be doing 3 days a week childcare, the least he can do is two evenings.

Phone all nursery's further afield. By your home, by your work, anywhere. For the one day. Then keep chasing all the ones you really want more locally, weekly.

@Zola1 i don’t think this would work unfortunately in my role, but it sounds great for those with children!

@minipie my partner is self employed and often gets home at different times. My PILs would adopt our LO, she’s their first granddaughter and they dote on her and help us out whenever they can. They are amazing. I don’t think it’s for that reason my partner is hesitant, he just thinks that I won’t see our LO for those 2 days and I’ll be very stressed.

I do a lot for us as a family in terms of maintaining the house, bills, arranging holidays, child care etc. so I think he’s a bit worried about taking it on..

It is only going to be temporary? Until some Childcare comes available?

@Smartiepants79 yep! I’ve told work this too

It sounds like you have abandoned the faintest hope of establishing proper boundaries around your work/life balance before you even start the new hours.

If you’re being paid to work 20 hours, then you work 20 hours. Not 28. If you’re kept late one day because you’re in the middle of brain surgery, you start late or finish early the next day.

If your job requires such extreme flexibility, how do you imagine it working with formal childcare? You can’t just rock up two hours after they close…

Sorry you're married to such as sexist arse, happy to let his parents and wife pick up his slack.

He's worried how you'll fit in washing his socks isn't he?

Can your DH not compact his hours over four days temporarily to cover the day until childcare place becomes available

Would a nanny share work? Have you tried childminders, they are often more flexible?

And/or your H needs to stop taking you for granted, and step up. He can do a couple of days a week pick up/drop off from his own parents. Most employers have worked out that dads are parents too, especially post pandemic.

I do a lot for us as a family in terms of maintaining the house, bills, arranging holidays, child care etc. so I think he’s a bit worried about taking it on..

You will be working for 2 days out of 7. I’m sure he can manage for 2 whole days, especially since ILs will be doing all the childcare.

He sounds a bit pathetic on the domestic equality front so I think you need to nip that in the bud now. Make sure he takes responsibility for some specific tasks. Not small ones like sorting car insurance (happens once a year and takes 5 min) - something substantial, and something that affects him directly. Maybe food shopping and meal planning? Laundry?

@PrueRamsay its always been that way. When I was pregnant I was working 12-14 hour days. Finishing at 10pm and coming in at 8am. It’s the nature of it. We’re meant to have certain rest periods in between but it just can’t happen.

I am a people pleaser but since having my LO things have changed and she is my priority.

Of course if I get childcare on a Wednesday when needed I’ll tell work I have to leave on time, no ifs or buts about it.

@HopelessEstateAgents not married, yet.. he isn’t sexist, but he runs a business and has to work long hours to ensure things run smoothly. I get what you’re saying though.

@TyneTeas this is something I need to discuss with him. Thanks for the suggestion.

@Mylefttoe on the waiting for childminders too. He can do drop offs and pick ups from PIL that’s no issue

@minipie its only since I’ve been on mat leave as I’ve been at home, but I agree.

He does the vacuuming, food shopping we share (I often do it in the week so we don’t have to do it on the evenings or weekends and he gets time with LO.) we share meal planning and cooking, though I usually start it cos he gets back late.

We will have to sit down and plan everything before I go back so it’s clear what’s what

So if you can leave on time on a Wednesday (or whatever day you have nursery) why do you not want to leave on time when PILS have your child?

Are you saying if your child was at nursery every day then you would leave on time but are choosing not to if they’re with family?

I just don’t understand this.

Agree with PPs that DH should also be looking at working more flexibly.

Your DH is hoping you don’t go back so that he doesn’t have to do any of the childcare. Or at least hoping that you only go back during specific hours where you have guaranteed childcare. He’s worried he’s going to have to do the morning and bedtime routine on those two long days you work and so he bloody should

Its time for him to step up to the plate. Your career is as important as his.

No way I'd go part time and take the hit to my career and earning power whilst a partner gets to continue as before without the legal protection of marriage. You're so exposed.

Heaven forbid a man should have to pack a nursery bag or cook dinner for their own child or bathe them and put them to bed without their wife helping.

And please whatever you do, don’t pack your child’s bag the night before and prep all their meals so your DH only has to warm it up or lay out all their pyjamas ready for bed. Let him do it.

It depends entirely on your circumstances.
How flexible and practically supportive is your DH? (Not how he says he’ll be…how he actually is)
How flexible and realistic are your PIL?
How reasonable will your part time workload be? A lot of employers are very enthusiastic about how much PT employees can still do.

What I worry about here is PIL finding it harder than they expect physically and putting pressure on for LO to be dropped off/picked up at ‘reasonable’ times which don’t allow you to put in 10 hour days.

DH not pulling his finger out and you being squeezed at both ends, childcare being mote restrictive than expected and workload being higher than expected.

You're not married? In which case DO NOT comprise your earning capacity to support his.

You'll be left high and dry if you split,

Jeepers WHY DO WOMEN DO THIS?

@Coralsunset I guess I’m taking them for granted. But it’s literally the nature of the role. It will be frowned upon if something came in and I left on time.. My partner will have to make those pick ups.

@Handholdplease85 i agree with you. My career is just as important and I love it. Don’t worry, I won’t be doing it all. I’ve made that very clear!

@Careerdilemma i know.. but I have no choice.

I think you will be waiting a very long time for a nursery place 1 day a week, mid week for an under 2 year old. It makes little financial sense for the nursery and isn't ideal for settling in.