For background, DH and I have been together for 7 years, married for 4. I already had 2 DDs when we met (now 15 and 10). DH and I also have 1 DS, who is nearly 4.
We are a happy little unit and DH treats DDs as his own, there are no differences in how the children are treated.
DH has a close extended family, and I fit in well with them all - we look forward to family get togethers, and see his cousins regularly as we have children of similar ages.
This issue rears its head every year when both DDs birthdays come around. Their birthdays are not acknowledged, no birthday wishes, no cards, no gifts. (I must be clear - this is not about gifts, I wouldn’t dream of dictating how anyone spends their money!).
For the first 3 or 4 years of our relationship, DDs birthdays were acknowledged by the whole family. Cards were given, sometimes gifts too.
The change has came around since DS was born. To avoid drip feeding, this also coincided with Covid and untreated PND on my part. My PND hasn’t affected my relationship with the family, as far as I am aware. I don’t even think they know! I am now well.
Messages start weeks before his birthday, asking if there is anything he “needs”. DHs family turn up on his birthday with gifts and send lots of messages. This is lovely for DS, however, I would rather none of their birthdays were acknowledged than DHs family showing such obvious favourites.
For context, apart from DDs, older kids’ birthdays in the family are acknowledged and all children (including DDs) are treated the same at Christmas.
AIBU for thinking this is shitty behaviour, and also a bit weird?? I can’t get my head around it. At times I think we should go low contact, but we genuinely get on so well.