Why do people behave like this??

[Cosyfire]

Why do people (always women in my experience) sometimes choose to completely 'blank' people?

Basically, there's one mother I know from the school run. She def knows me, as daughter is in my DS class. She sees me everyday at school gates. Because we come from same direction, we're usually parked very close to each other. She has met me several times when other mothers are there, and will speak a bit to me (or group generally) then. But, when I see her away from school gates, she completely blanks me. As in, I'll wave and say hello, and she'll turn around and walk off. It's happened maybe 5, 6 times now. I'm certain I've done nothing to offend her. What is she playing at?
I'm not overly bothered by the way... have already come to the conclusion f**k her, and will no longer bother being friendly. Just really curious tbh.... does anyone have any clue why she decided to do this???

I don't know.
She's really, really not feeling up to making small talk with a stranger?
She knows you've been introduced and can't remember your name so feels embarrassed?
She finds you really dull or full on and doesn't want to get into a conversation.
She's mistaken you for that woman who always try's to get her to join the PTA.
She's worried that you're angling for a play date.
She secretly fancies you and doesn't want to be unfaithful to her husband.

There's many, many things it could be we can only guess. It's rude but try not to let her occupy too much headspace!

She might have face blindness.

It is quite a common phenomenon. I can't understand it either.

She's short sighted and doesn't see you.
She doesn't recognise you outside the context she's know you (like me)
She's a funny buggar that wants to mess with your head.
Could be anything really.
If she's polite to you everywhere else I would just assume innocent explanation, if she's off with you in other ways, I would let her crack on with it and not waste emotional energy worrying about her.

I have face blindness. If you arent in the place where I know you (schoolgate) then I won't recognise you in a supermarket. I have been known to blank SIL on many an occasion

Maybe she's lost in thought, ticking off the multiple jobs she needs to do before 5pm, and doest "see" you.

Maybe she thinks you are an oversharer and she has no more fucks to give? (Only teasing, I'm sure you aren't).

I do this unintentionally.

Or rather should say I have.

I have face blindness. If I saw you in a situation I know you in I'd know who you were.

Meet you in town I may have some recognition of it being a face I know but I'd have literally no idea who you are or where I know you from.

It's a bloody curse.

But if you spoke to me directly I'd use all my detective skills to use what you're saying to try and work out who you are 🤣🤣

Sometimes it's eyesight, sometimes its literally not placing a face to the scenario.

I do it a lot. One of my friends husbands, repeatedly. He's a really nice person so I promise I don't do it intentionally.

People at work, other parents.

I do it so often, and it's always quite embarrassing for me when I realise I've done it

She's not your friend, you're a random she sees in a queue. Sometimes she feels forced to converse with everyone politely, presumably because she's a captive audience in a queue and everyone is talking to her while she's standing there, unable to escape. She presumably either doesn't want to talk to you outside of it, or doesn't notice you're there because she's busy making a fast break to get away from the school parent crowd.

No one ever complains about men who do the school run like this. You know why? Because no one expects them to play with them, they're allowed to get on with dropping their kids off, picking them up, and making their own friends on their own time. They don't have to put on happy faces and make light, buddy-pally chitchat with anyone and everyone, and they won't get anyone thinking well f*ck them, what are they playing at if they choose to not engage. No one thinks they owe them their time and friendship.

I agree it’s rude but you’re a pushover for letting her do it 5-6 times. I would have stopped saying hello to her after the first time she blanked me

I really agree with all of this.

That doesn’t stop it being rude though.

I am short sighted and have some level of face blindness but if someone says hi to me, I will always say hi back. There is never an excuse for being rude.

It's not rude if it's due to a medical issue.

But men do make chitchat with other men. They don’t play psychological games like blanking / ignoring / using kids to ‘send a message’.

This is me.

I tend to realise about a day too late that the lady that smiled at me in Sainsbury’s was X from the gym. However I would usually apologise and explain the next time I see them.

If she actually sees you waving and deliberately walks off to avoid you, she obviously doesn't like you.

I had a guy who liked me and accused me of ignoring him when he saw me on my bike. I would have been concentrating on the road and I definitely didn't see him. Plus I had no reason to be rude with him , don't even know his surname, not on Facebook and we don't mix in the same circles - but still, he accused me of blanking him . He then asked me out but I had to decline because he was like this 👆.

I had a guy who liked me and accused me of ignoring him when he saw me on my bike. I would have been concentrating on the road and I definitely didn't see him. Plus I had no reason to be rude with him , don't even know his surname, not on Facebook and we don't mix in the same circles - but still, he accused me of blanking him . He then asked me out but I had to decline because he was like this 👆.

How embarrassing that I posted this twice 😭.

Just leave the poor woman alone. You can't impose any kind of reaction on others. If she doesn't feel like acknowledging you that is her right.

I think people do this weird projection that they assume you want to start a conversation, probably come to their house, will never let them go, insist on being bffs forever etc etc, so then their paranoid minds decide they can't even nod and acknowledge your presence, lest they start that chain of events.

Older people I find are perfectly comfortable to nod, smile, maybe even say good morning, and neither of us breaks our pace or expects anything more of it. Surely it's just polite to acknowledge someone if you know them and pass within a couple of metres of each other?

Unless OP you are that person that shrieks coo eee from half a mile away and then manages a cheerily intimate interrogation of someone you've met once? 😜

I am useless with faces, especially if I don’t know them well and see them somewhere that isn’t usual. So that would be me. I would assume you were waving at someone else or internally panic and hope you don’t stop and speak. It’s not rudeness, it’s just being really bad at remembering faces of people I passingly know.

I think anyone, male or female, who knows someone and actively chooses to blank them rather than spare the minuscule amount of time and effort to raise a hand or smile in acknowledgement is thoroughly rude. However dull they may find the acquaintance. It’s hardly a great demand, more just part of making society a little bit more bearable for everyone.

If this woman is otherwise pleasant, though, I’d wager it is either face blindness or something like social anxiety rather than rudeness.

These threads come up frequently. I'm always bemused by the huge psychodrama around someone who's an acquaintance at best not being all that friendly.

She's just living her life, not plotting anything.

Honestly some people just don't want to make any more friends. I'm a bit like this tbh so I totally get it. Move on!

Absolutely this.