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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

His needs

39 replies

unhappysparkle · 04/07/2023 13:14

I know this is silly to put in an Aibu but
My partner expects me to do the cooking and cleaning all week, which I don't mind most times and do it. But he expects when he gets home that dinner is there for him. Sometimes I cook for everyone and save him some as he comes in later but sometimes I can't because if the kids are having something with chips or toast and beans for example I'm hardly gonna put that in the fridge for him later because that'll taste nasty and won't reheat properly.

The other week I felt so annoyed because I'd made a lovely roast and I said it would be ready by 3 but same day after I'd put it in oven he said he had a dentist app at 3, fair enough. So I delayed dinner for everyone. But after his app he was told he could only eat soft foods so the roast was void for him and he decided to have a protein shake instead (that he barked at me to make) few hours later he said he was hungry and took some tinned meatballs out the cupboard and asked me to make it with some pasta, I wasn't happy about doing this because if just sat down from washing the dinner bits up and tidying the kids toys but I did it anyway. Then when I dished it up he moaned at me because I didn't put any onion in with the meatballs.... yet he didn't ask me to do this!

Yesterday we are laying in bed and he grabs my hand saying he needs a rub... so I was expected to jack him off whilst I got nothing in return... this is ongoing I hate my sex life it's practically non existent, I don't think he's ever done any kind of foreplay on me which is just bizarre and ridiculous. We both initiate at times but tbh I'm fed up of not being pleases. We've been together 10 years and have 2 children...

OP posts:
WhatWouldHopperDo · 04/07/2023 13:17

He sounds like a twat. Has he got any redeeming qualities?

IamSmarticus · 04/07/2023 13:18

He's a selfish arse and I
wouldn't be putting up with any of it. Is he not capable of making his own protein shake or heating up some tinned meatballs himself?

Anyone who barked at me to make him a protein shake would find said shake tipped over his head.

JulieHoney · 04/07/2023 13:19

Why are you tolerating this?

MatildaTheCat · 04/07/2023 13:20

And his good points?

orangegato · 04/07/2023 13:22

Oh OP you are worth more than this parasite.

FOJN · 04/07/2023 13:23

few hours later he said he was hungry and took some tinned meatballs out the cupboard and asked me to make it with some pasta

Yesterday we are laying in bed and he grabs my hand saying he needs a rub... so I was expected to jack him off whilst I got nothing in return.

Is there something wrong with his hands?

Fuck off and do it yourself is a perfectly reasonable way to respond to this kind of treatment.

You know he's an arsehole, don't you?

TheActualDevil · 04/07/2023 13:23

And how much is he paying you to be his live in maid and sex worker?

Guiltypleasures001 · 04/07/2023 13:24

Tell him the 1950s called and would like him back

He's a twat op give your head a wobble

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 04/07/2023 13:24

LTB
He sounds like he thinks this is the 50s!

Sunnydaysaredefhere · 04/07/2023 13:25

You should have snapped it off..
Ltb and don't look back

PeaceGoodMercutio · 04/07/2023 13:28

Oh dear lord, you cannot put up with this!!

LisaD1 · 04/07/2023 13:30

Just reading that was soul destroying, I have no clue how you live it daily. Seriously, you’re worth so much more. Why are you tolerating this bullshit?

unhappysparkle · 04/07/2023 13:38

I honestly don't know how I'm tolerating this. I guess it's not so bad because he works long hours and sometimes I don't see him for 14 hours. So we are together for about 3 or 4 hours before I fall asleep and repeat!

It's making me question a lot and I know I'm the one being unreasonable here but an ex got I contact with me a few weeks ago and I am finding comfort in talking to him. It's not going to go anywhere it's just nice to have a normal conversation with someone

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 04/07/2023 13:39

Don't even go there with the ex - you don't want husband to be able to accuse you of ruining the marriage. Fuck the husband off (and fast) and then you can do what you want.

Nevermind31 · 04/07/2023 13:44

Your ex is an ex for a reason - don’t go there.
but also grow a spine and tell your partner to heat up his own meal, you are not his main or mum, and neither are you his on demand sex worker.
possibly couples therapy if he has any redeeming qualities (and “he is a good dad” doesn’t count)

Screamingabdabz · 04/07/2023 13:49

Jeez op. Ten years you’ve put up with that shit?

What happens if you don’t cook, clean and service him sexually?

FOJN · 04/07/2023 13:58

You need to stop contact with your ex. It might feel comforting for now but it will add complications you don't need. You clearly don't have very good boundaries so could easily jump out of the frying pan into the fire.

Your husband is awful, you need to leave and work on your boundaries before you start another relationship.

ManateeFair · 04/07/2023 13:59

It's making me question a lot and I know I'm the one being unreasonable here but an ex got I contact with me a few weeks ago and I am finding comfort in talking to him.

I think it's pretty reasonable to to take comfort from talking to someone else when your husband is an absolute arsehole.

Why the actual fuck are you with this man? Why has this gone on for so long? Why are you only now asking these questions? He's treating you like a servant and sex worker. He doesn't give a shit about you.

ManateeFair · 04/07/2023 14:00

I should add - I don't think it's wise to talk to an ex, necessarily. But I can see why you would want to, in your situation.

DaisyDonuts · 04/07/2023 14:20

So you’re cooking, cleaning, looking after the kids, meeting “his needs” and he… is doing what exactly?

DaisyDonuts · 04/07/2023 14:21

unhappysparkle · 04/07/2023 13:38

I honestly don't know how I'm tolerating this. I guess it's not so bad because he works long hours and sometimes I don't see him for 14 hours. So we are together for about 3 or 4 hours before I fall asleep and repeat!

It's making me question a lot and I know I'm the one being unreasonable here but an ex got I contact with me a few weeks ago and I am finding comfort in talking to him. It's not going to go anywhere it's just nice to have a normal conversation with someone

So for 14 hours you’re at ease, but you think you have to survive 3-4 hours. That’s not a happy marriage. I think even you know you’re happier without him

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 04/07/2023 14:22

LTB

Brefugee · 04/07/2023 14:23

There is no solution to this, you know it.
Since you have been putting up with it for a while, set a time in your head for how much longer you can take it and plan your exit.

Alargeoneplease89 · 04/07/2023 14:28

No idea why you are tolerating this. If you are a SAHM then, yeah cooking/cleaning but making you cook meatballs from a tin and pasta is frankly stupid considering you made a roast. Honestly I would of threw it at him.

I would divorce him.

Panteranoir · 04/07/2023 14:29

OP can you tell us if you are scared to say no to him? Or are you too worn down to?

Can you leave? What is your financial situation.

If you do keep in touch with the ex, try and keep it light and very platonic. However I would say you are best off explaining to him that your marriage is in serious trouble and you need to sort it out before further contact.

Do you even want to save your marriage? I wouldn't in your shoes as he sounds bloody awful.

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