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AIBU?

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Original poster

Prenuptial agreement

76 replies

Allaboutthebees · 03/07/2023 22:45

I have a dilemma with my soon-to-be husband.. we have a 20 year age difference but I have some family wealth that I've inherited and will soon be inheriting some more. My family are absolutely adamant that I get a prenuptial agreement in place before we marry. Their reasoning for this is that I have a lot more life to live and if things went south with my partner then he would take half of everything I have and enjoy his retirement on me essentially. I absolutely adore my partner and I just can't bare the idea of suggesting such a thing to him, I feel like he would feel untrusted and judged. I really don't know what to do. My family say that if the roles were reversed and he was the one with money, everyone would insist he gets a prenup incase I was some sort of gold-digger etc. Do people really still think like that these days?

YABU - listen to your family
YANBU - don't suggest it, it will hurt him

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 03/07/2023 22:50

I don't think pre-nup's are legally binding in England and Wales but judges will consider them deciding on divorce settlement so just bear that in mind.

Talkingthing · 03/07/2023 22:51

Your family are right. The irony is that people will think you are with him for his money, even though it is all your money! Do you think your partner would agree to a prenup or would it break you up?

mrsneate · 03/07/2023 22:52

I honestly nearly posted the reverse today. My Fiancé is well off and I most certainly am not.

I suppose it depends on how secure he is.

I am not paying any of the bills so have managed to build up my savings, and there's a second property being signed over to me so in that sense I wouldn't mind if he asked me to sign a pre nup because he's still making efforts for me to be secure with my children (not his DC)

Does that make sense?

He hasn't asked me to do one, he won't he said when other people have brought it up, but he wants to make sure he keeps his parents house he inherited which we both live in and I don't blame him. Equally I wouldn't dream of ever taking it from him

Hont1986 · 03/07/2023 22:58

Do what you want. There's no objectively correct answer.

And if you do split and your marriage is long enough to justify a 50-50 split, then it would also be long enough that the conditions of a pre-nup would be largely disregarded by an English or Welsh court.

Supercheese · 03/07/2023 23:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ZekeZeke · 03/07/2023 23:06

Is your partner younger than you?

Supercheese · 03/07/2023 23:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Merryoldgoat · 03/07/2023 23:10

I don’t see the point in getting married if you want to do that.

If a woman was marrying a man with assets and tell her not to sign one, and I’d tell your partner not to as well.

Don’t get married if that’s what you want.

Dacadactyl · 03/07/2023 23:11

If I was going to be marrying someone and he suggested a pre-nup, I'd be out of there so fast he wouldn't see me for dust. You need to be prepared for him to leave you.

There's nowt like planning for a divorce before the wedding.

DollyTheFluffyOne · 03/07/2023 23:14

It's good financial sense to consider these things @Allaboutthebees . Your will and a prenup will guarantee what you want in practice. It may not be written up in the law as yet but it treated as good as.

mondaytosunday · 03/07/2023 23:15

Can your family put your future inheritance into a Trust? Ring fence it in some way?

Murdoch1949 · 04/07/2023 09:23

Talk to him about this. If you don't trust him don't marry him. If you think he is the sort of man your family think he is then don't marry.

sandyhappypeople · 04/07/2023 09:38

I wouldn’t have a problem if a partner wanted to do this personally, I’d be marrying them for them, not to get their money in a divorce, as long as anything you’d worked jointly for, like a house, or other joint assets weren’t included, just that initial x amount of wealth that isn’t to be touched, I don’t see why it would be a problem? That’s not his money, he hasn’t helped earn it and definitely shouldn’t be entitled to it in the event of a divorce so this is really the only way to protect it.

it doesn’t mean you can’t both enjoy it while you’re together. You’re family are right to make you think about this.

I can see why it would be awkward to ask, but anyone who loves you, would understand, you could just say my family are putting pressure on me to put this money into a pre nup agreement and see what he says.. his answer will likely give you the clues you need on how to proceed further, don’t be pressured into making a decision right away, just say you need to think about it a bit more.

how would you feel if it was the other way round, would you mind?

londonrach · 04/07/2023 09:45

You need to talk to a solicitor as not sure this is legally binding in England. But it makes sense to do it although it does seem strange to agree the divorce settlement before you marry

Cantreachthefatscrubs · 04/07/2023 10:26

I have married someone with more assets. I'd have been happy to sign whatever he needed because it's him I love, the assets are irrelevant. If he really loves you he'll see why and want to sign it to protect your peace of mind. I'd see it as a red flag if he gets upset. If he's worth marrying then it will never be used and be inconsequential anyway

veryfluffyfluff · 04/07/2023 10:36

If you can't even discuss it with him you need to think about if you should be marrying him tbh.

Blossomtoes · 04/07/2023 10:41

Dacadactyl · 03/07/2023 23:11

If I was going to be marrying someone and he suggested a pre-nup, I'd be out of there so fast he wouldn't see me for dust. You need to be prepared for him to leave you.

There's nowt like planning for a divorce before the wedding.

In which case she should definitely do it. Anyone who would leave in those circumstances is there for the wrong reasons. It’s the reason MN is virtually unanimous that a woman with considerably more assets is a fool to marry.

RoseMarigoldViolet · 04/07/2023 10:41

Honestly, I think it would be better not to get married. This would be the best way to protect your assets. But if you are intent on marrying then it would be foolish not to have a prenuptial agreement. They are not legally binding in England and Wales but likely to be taken into account in a divorce.

Notamum12345577 · 04/07/2023 10:43

Allaboutthebees · 03/07/2023 22:45

I have a dilemma with my soon-to-be husband.. we have a 20 year age difference but I have some family wealth that I've inherited and will soon be inheriting some more. My family are absolutely adamant that I get a prenuptial agreement in place before we marry. Their reasoning for this is that I have a lot more life to live and if things went south with my partner then he would take half of everything I have and enjoy his retirement on me essentially. I absolutely adore my partner and I just can't bare the idea of suggesting such a thing to him, I feel like he would feel untrusted and judged. I really don't know what to do. My family say that if the roles were reversed and he was the one with money, everyone would insist he gets a prenup incase I was some sort of gold-digger etc. Do people really still think like that these days?

YABU - listen to your family
YANBU - don't suggest it, it will hurt him

If you decide to have a pre-nup, then maybe you aren’t planning on sticking to your vows about being together until death. So in that case maybe you should rethink the whole getting married. However, it sounds like you do not want a pre-nup. It’s your money, tell your family it is up to you and not them.

Seapoint2002 · 04/07/2023 10:47

Speak to your solicitor about a Deed of Trust. I got divorced after 11 years and it stood no problem.

GalaApples · 04/07/2023 10:51

I might just not get married.

JustMarriedBecca · 04/07/2023 10:52

I'd have no issues signing one. Everyone goes into marriage thinking positively but STATISTICALLY people do get divorced.
If you aren't going to be one of those people then it doesn't matter so signing a piece of paper doesn't matter.

At pre marriage counselling, my friend and her husband were asked by the vicar to discuss divorce. Because statistically it could happen.

SunshinDay · 04/07/2023 10:52

Agree. Why get married

SunshinDay · 04/07/2023 10:53

For second marriages with children involved I'd happily signal one but if my husband now had wanted me too i would have run a mile.

Mylifeislikeaboatrace · 04/07/2023 10:57

If you can't discuss this then you should seriously reconsider if marriage is the way forward. It's all very well to naively say, 'I trust them not to fleece me, be unfaithful, he /she loves me not my money, our marriage will be until death' yadda, yadda but people change and some marriages will break up even with the best of intentions at the beginning.

Take legal advice on this and see if there are ways to ring fence your main assets in the event of a divorce.

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