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Original poster

Prenuptial agreement

76 replies

Allaboutthebees · 03/07/2023 22:45

I have a dilemma with my soon-to-be husband.. we have a 20 year age difference but I have some family wealth that I've inherited and will soon be inheriting some more. My family are absolutely adamant that I get a prenuptial agreement in place before we marry. Their reasoning for this is that I have a lot more life to live and if things went south with my partner then he would take half of everything I have and enjoy his retirement on me essentially. I absolutely adore my partner and I just can't bare the idea of suggesting such a thing to him, I feel like he would feel untrusted and judged. I really don't know what to do. My family say that if the roles were reversed and he was the one with money, everyone would insist he gets a prenup incase I was some sort of gold-digger etc. Do people really still think like that these days?

YABU - listen to your family
YANBU - don't suggest it, it will hurt him

OP posts:
Appleofmyeye2023 · 04/07/2023 12:56

WhyOhWine · 04/07/2023 11:44

There a case (Granatino v Radmacher) in which validity of a pre-nup was upheld. However, i know nothing about it and have no idea of the detail or interaction with fair settlement. Certainly some of the law firms that advise the very wealthy refer to this case to say pre-nups are now valid in the UK, but i suspect it does not quite go that far.

https://lawprof.co/contract/contract-formation-cases/radmacher-v-granatino-2010-uksc-42/

so I read this. Clearly states what law is. Clearly states the reason that it was upheld is exactly as pointed out in my other posts , namely

  • “ The court should give effect to a nuptial agreement that is freely entered into by each party with a full appreciation of its implications unless in the circumstances prevailing it would not be fair to hold the parties to their agreement”: [75]
  • Although the agreements cannot oust the jurisdiction of the court under s25 Matrimonial Causes Act 1973

so, they were both wealthy, she more than him. Enough assets to meet requirements laid in law for “fair settlement” .

Radmacher v Granatino [2010] UKSC 42 - Case Summary

Read our concise case summary on Radmacher v Granatino [2010] UKSC 42

https://lawprof.co/contract/contract-formation-cases/radmacher-v-granatino-2010-uksc-42/

jeaux90 · 04/07/2023 12:57

Why do you need to get married anyway?

I'd only say get married if one of you was going to give up career/pension capability to look after the kids.

Appleofmyeye2023 · 04/07/2023 12:58

Appleofmyeye2023 · 04/07/2023 12:50

I think given that pre-nups are usually only the concern of very wealthy individuals, these are ones that will have excess assets that would be able to get a financial order sealed taking the prenup into account. so, yep, if you have one very wealthy partner (multi million these days as a lot of blokes pension pots can be £100,000s plus property in excess of £500k) then it probably is worth doing

where both parties are very wealthy, it could be helpful to outline who gets what back out a marriage without involving a long solicitors debate racking up £10000 in legal bills.

I’m also sure, where you have a lot of wealth coming into the marriage the pre-nup negations are a very useful exercise on laying out ground rules of how fiancés will be organised during the marriage. It’s a very sensible thing to agree this before you marry, and a prenup could help that in defining what is “joint assets” both contribute to, versus how much autonomy you both keep during your marriage over your individual wealth. A pre nup doesn’t have to be just in case of divorce.

but for the likes of the vast majority of the population, the best we’d be able to achieve is 50:50 (per variations because of dependants) which just about covers housing, pensions, a smaller level of assets. And in a lot of cases, we’ll barely be able to afford a roof over our head even if renting. So not a lot of use as “fair settlement” will overwrite it

Show quote history

Oops 😳- posted to wrong person, I’ll try again in response to that person

caringcarer · 04/07/2023 12:58

mondaytosunday · 03/07/2023 23:15

Can your family put your future inheritance into a Trust? Ring fence it in some way?

Good option.

AmandaHoldensLips · 04/07/2023 12:59

I think it's a very sensible thing to do. I had a pre-nup before I got married, having had my fingers burnt very badly once before. DH was fine about it, and now that we've been married a million years it's been torn up (my choice) and cancelled.

When you consider over 50% of marriages end in divorce, I think you have your answer.

Icedlatteplease · 04/07/2023 12:59

Omg they are so right. Tbh you'd be crazy to marry him at all but downright stupid without a prenup

Testina · 04/07/2023 13:07

“I absolutely adore my partner and I just can't bare the idea of suggesting such a thing to him, I feel like he would feel untrusted and judged.”

Here’s what happened when I said I might want a pre-nup to my second husband (to be).

He said, “OK, makes sense - just let me know.”

No drama.

If he doesn’t know you well enough to not feel “untrusted and judged” then you shouldn’t be marrying him.

standardduck · 04/07/2023 14:20

I think it's sensible in some cases. Maybe look into trust for your inheritance?

SchoolQuestionnaire · 04/07/2023 14:54

Dh and I married in our early twenties and - idealistic young pair that we were - wouldn’t have dreamed of a pre-nup or anything less than sharing everything including finances. Plus neither of us had much to lose at that point!! We’ve been fortunate as it’s worked out and we’re very happy.

However, if we were ever to split I would not marry again. I’m in my forties now and in a very different position. I would likely be bringing in more than any partner which would be a huge concern for me, but even if I wasn’t I wouldn’t want the complication of blending finances at this stage. Over the years I’ve seen enough to knock the idealism and trust out of me, even though I haven’t experienced any negativity and have a great marriage.

Think of it this way, a pre-nup won’t make any difference if things work out, but it could make things much easier if they don’t.

MsSquiz · 04/07/2023 15:14

We have a pre nup - DH has significant family money even before inheritance and I have nothing. I happily agreed to our pre nup and ensured there was provisions for future children (that we now have) and the amount I would be due on divorce increases every 5 years we are married.

My SIL (married to DH's brother) has been married 16 years and they have 3 children together and she currently going through an awful divorce and is having to fight for her share. Considering she has pretty much brought up their children single handed while he didn't really take any parental responsibility and hasn't worked for 6 years (he chose to just live of the family money) while she has worked as a PT throughout their whole relationship, I'd much rather be in my position than hers

Dinga591 · 04/07/2023 17:14

Make a will.
He doesn't have to know about it, and should he suggest that you make one together just say no!

Blossomtoes · 04/07/2023 17:16

Dinga591 · 04/07/2023 17:14

Make a will.
He doesn't have to know about it, and should he suggest that you make one together just say no!

That’s not going to help her if they divorce.

SunSurfSand · 04/07/2023 17:23

Absolutely get a prenup.

Your situation is what they are for.

Dinga591 · 04/07/2023 17:25

Having been through one, judges are not stupid and they are, mostly, fair!

KnackeredBack · 04/07/2023 17:27

I had similar when I married my DH. We put it in our wills that if I died within such and such a time, this proportion went back to my family and then if at a later stage, proportionally more stayed with him. Not sure if it's binding but it felt sensible. Almost 30 years later, it's not been used!

pollykitty · 04/07/2023 17:27

We all wish you the best and a lifetime of happiness but sh!t happens. You cannot predict the future and will be kicking yourself for being naive if things don’t work out. Get a prenup.

KnackeredBack · 04/07/2023 17:27

Doesn't help for divorce though...

crazyaboutcats · 04/07/2023 17:59

To my knowledge prenups are not legally binding in the UK however generally speaking a judge will side with them if they are considered fair which this likely would be

Inheritances are suppose to be 'non martial assets' or 'pre martial assets' if acquired before, and most people think they are safe from divorce. However when I divorced after 7 years everything is considered 'one pot' and you negociate or fight in court from there. A prenup would mitigate this as much as is possible under UK law.

My new DH and I have one in place because of this. At first he was upset by my suggestion but when I explained what it would include he said that's what he thought the law was anyway and agreed. Them when we came to it, it's a standard document, we ended up discussing lots of things prior to marriage we had not previously considered like children, custody, inhertience, death, remarriage etc.

I am not a lawyer this is just my knowledge form divorce and remarriage, and would highly recommend one.

Singingthesong · 04/07/2023 18:12

It's only sensible. As it was put to me, you only consider it being used when you have broken up with the person and all that entails. We have one in place due to the fact that when we married I had many more assets than my DH.

Since we have been together our mutual assets have obviously grown massively so he wouldn't be so badly done by now through that but all my family wealth is protected if we divorce. Even in death certain things will go straight to the kids so that if I die (which has been a possibility already) and he remarries it's not lost to some new bird and any other children that are not related to me.

He understands where he is, I understand where I am. It just makes life so much easier.

semideponent · 04/07/2023 18:18

It sounds like your family are in good faith pointing this out. What blocks you from discussing this with your fiancé is the notion that you need to protect his feelings at the cost of taking your own needs and potential vulnerabilities into account. That is a red flag on a relationship. I'm not saying he won't have feelings about a pre-cup, but the relationship would be stronger if you were both confident he could deal with them see things from your point of view as well as his own. No wonder your family are urging you to get one.

Hotterthanhades · 04/07/2023 18:46

Listen to your family. Get the pre-nup.

I get that you are in love, but so many marriages end in divorce and most people never imagine it will happen to them.

Why not turn around your thinking? If he really loves you, this won’t be an issue for him.

but please imagine how you’d feel giving half your wealth to someone who has hurt and betrayed you. Possibly to someone who hates you and makes your life a misery. That’s what you’d be facing.

don’t think it’ll happen to you? That’s what I thought.

Pre- nups are a fairly new idea in the UK, but they are largely upheld by courts.

bitnervousaboutthis · 04/07/2023 19:02

I believe as pre-nups are not binding in the U.K. to be taken into account there needs to be a sense of fairness for example both parties getting separate legal advice and the party with less money not experiencing undue pressure etc and even then they are still not binding

strawberry2017 · 04/07/2023 19:41

Protect all the assets that you can. We see to often on here women who get screwed over. Do not leave anything to chance.
Realistically I'm not a big fan of relationships with such large age gaps, there's something that doesn't sit right with me about being with someone old enough to be your parent. However you have made your choice but it doesn't mean you can't protect yourself in the mean time x

BeverlyHa · 04/07/2023 19:47

Get married and have the child ASAP so even if you divorce, at least you know half of the money will be not for him only but for the child ....any peace of mind?

Doone21 · 05/07/2023 04:55

Don't listen to your family. If you want to protect assets in the event of a divorce speak to a tax advisor, financial advisor or solicitor. Prenuptial agreement is not the only way to go and more importantly financial agreements in divorce usually take into account who brings which assets in

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